I'm so frustrated with "the system".

I'm nearly nineteen and have never had a boyfriend nor have I even been kissed. Some people tell me I'm beautiful, but they must be lying. Sometimes (most of the time) I think there must be something wrong with me...

Comment here to submit a secret 4/6/08

Helping her with her eating disorder is finally giving me the strength to act on my own. But with me, no one even has a clue.

I feel really immature because I still cut even though I'm in college. I even think the scars are pretty. So much for being all grown up.

I feel better now that the secret is at the bottom of the page. It means I'm less tempted to go down and reread it...over and over again...and wonder if it's yours.

I'm so excited!!!!!!!! It's an incredible opportunity!

But at the same time, I'm bummed - because it will mean that I get to spend less time talking to you (if I get to talk to you at all) and I'm afraid that I'll come back, and you'll have forgotten about me and moved on.

i get a rush from flirting with my brother's friends, who are also seniors ... but in high school

I really believe that a makeover would cure most of my problems.

it hurts that someone i like so much has little to no clue who i am. and it sucks to find out someone else has felt that same way about me. because when they finally talked to me, i didn't feel the same way. so now i'll never talk to mine for fear that it will have the same result.

I wish I cared more about school and about life in general. I'm going down a prescribed life path, and I have no direction at all.

I just want you to notice me.

im not sure im still in love with you, but what hurts more than that is that i think youre still in love with her

I fucking hate your boyfriend. How could you possibly have chosen him over me? I understand all the other ones, but why him? Why are you two lasting so long?

I'm sorry I keep stringing you along, I'm just scared and don't know how else to deal with the fear. Hopefully I'll get over that soon...

Comment here to submit a secret 4/5/08

Even though we broke up, I still chose my job for next year in a city you love...

just in case.

I use coffee to ameliorate my loneliness. I don't add sugar or cream because I don't want to enjoy it.

I don't want to be addicted again. After all, managing to trade acid for coffee was a pretty good deal.

if you keep sending in secrets about how you're in love with your best friend, my best friend will think it's me writing them.

please keep sending them.

the reason i'm excited about this weekend isn't because of the final four games or the parties (blasphemous i know).

it's because i might get the chance to see you again.

I have this completely irrational phobia of paperwork. Tax forms, time sheets, even withdrawing money from the bank ... all the forms you need to fill out as an adult send me into blind, hyperventilating panic. So I don't do them. It just keeps getting worse.

Gosh darn it I LIKE YOU. And it's the friggin end of the semester. Go figure. This sucks.

I'm obsessed with putting the current state of my life into song lyrics. Here's one: "I need you so much closer."

I don't like people - they are really irritating. Being in a large crowd makes me agitated.

I check this site often. I've noticed a lot of loneliness, and this is sad, I wish I could tell you that I'm here for you and that we can grab some coffee and just talk it out. But know that you're never truly lonely. Or un-loved.

I always listen to all your problems and give you thoughtful advice. You, on the other hand, just stare at me and nod your head, then start talking about yourself again. I feel resentful and alone. You're supposed to be one of my best friends.

He makes me happy, no matter what's going on. We're comfortable and open with each other. He's turning into my best friend. I am in love with him. I think I've found my soul mate.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/4/08

my loneliness has morphed into desperation.

part of me wishes these posts weren't anonymous, so i could talk to the people who feel exactly the way i do, and maybe we could help each other.

but then again, if it weren't anonymous, i don't know if we could all be so honest.

I read this blog in the hope that one of the secrets will be about me...
but I know better. No one knows/cares about me.

I like flushing the toilet while I'm sitting on it - it's a nice breeze.

I think I'm addicted to secrets - not only other people's, but my own as well.

I can't make up my mind whether or not I want that secret to be yours. The constant questions in my head are like an addiction...and they're ripping me apart. Please be open with me!

i sit in class on my computer and do everything but pay attention. i just can't pay attention.

i'm failing my classes.

I had a sex dream last night about my two best girlfriends (I'm a girl) ... it was the best dream I've ever had ...

I can't blame you for not being attracted to me, but I can blame you for being attracted to someone like that.

But if you don't think you deserve someone better, why should I?

I wish I had fought for 'us' harder but I didn't know how to. I was just trying to do what you wanted and what was best. Now, I'm fucked.

I've completely lost interest in one of my close friends and think it might have something to do with the fact that she's gotten a lot less attractive.

am i not worth fighting for???

i really, really liked him.

and i found out that he was probably playing me. i still think he's a good guy.

after lecturing my friends for years on not letting guys treat them like crap, i understand the other side.

it sucks.

i'm so lonely

Of all the nights for you to not answer your phone...this was the worst one...I really need you right now.

It never fails...I can be having a horrible day, where nothing goes right and it seems the world is against me....but as soon as I hear her voice...the sun comes out again and I can't help but smile, and when I make her laugh, all is right with the world

we had such good "chemistry."

i'm waiting for you to follow up.

I love the conversations we've been having lately. If only we could talk that easily in person...

i had to see you suffer after he cheated on you and toyed with you about getting back together...

i had to watch you struggle to cope with life without him...

i had to watch as you started dating other guys, thinking i was going to lose you again...

but now we're together...

i still can't believe it happened...

but i've never been happier

Comment here to submit a secret 4/3/08

sometimes i wish someone in my family would die, or a could get a disease, so someone would notice me...

I'm glad he cheated on me and left me for her 2 years ago. If he hadn't, I would have just stayed your friend. Your smile, your sarcasm, your touch all make my heart flutter. I never thought I'd feel this way about my best friend.

Don't hate us!
Advisors are people too!
(and we get just as confused and frustrated as you do)

I want to thank you for being my friend. I really think I would have gone crazy had you not been in my life. I love you so much!

My best friend doesn't believe in the psychological disorder I have just come to terms with. It hurts.

His HEARTBEAT is enough to turn me on...

i entertain myself at my boring job by fantasizing until i can't stand it, then going to the bathroom to see if i can have an orgasm in less than three minutes

I'm terrified my forgetfulness is indicative of something really serious- but I'm even more terrified of finding out for sure.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/2/08

I stopped watching college basketball with this girl because she knew more about it than I did and I was intimidated.

I have come to the realization that there is no pain comparable to that of a broken heart string.

I don't love anyone enough to get the love I want in return.

I 'm trying really hard to be the good ex-boyfriend: Not jealous, still friendly, and helpful. On some level I really do want to be your friend.

But, let's be real. I burn whenever I hear you were with off him. I punch walls, I smash dishes. It makes me furious.

I'm the good ex-boyfriend, though. You are never allowed to know how mad it makes me and how expensive fixing all my broken stuff is becoming.

I need to find someone to love before I start writing poetry or buying cats.

From the Moderators, pt. 2

As this project grows and continues to be shaped by your contributions into something which is, frankly, pretty freaking neat, we have run into a few adjustments we'd like to make on the behalf of our posters and readers. However, we've been struggling for a few days to determine how exactly to address these issues while maintaining the censorship-light approach we know is necessary.

Luckily, a submission we received this morning gets to the point (at least, some of the points):

Can you please put up on the warning label to tell people to NOT give "advice" to the secrets? Responses to the secrets are fine, and those comments that are empathetic. But the ones giving advice are just annoying and defeat the purpose of the project.

While we have presented here our mission statement, and here tried to outline what is required from submissions, perhaps it would also be helpful to outline what this blog is not intended to be.

The UNC-CH Secrets Project 2008 is not ...

• a forum for public discussion.

While our fervent hope is that it will generate public discussion, this is not the place for it. If you have a word of encouragement or empathy for someone who has submitted a secret, by all means comment with such. However, please do not assume that by submitting a secret a poster is soliciting advice. In fact, please assume the exact opposite.

• a means through which you can communicate with your friends, enemies, lovers or any combination of the above.
  

As previously stated, we cannot know what will be a tipoff to the people in your life that a secret is yours, but if we can recognize that this project is being used as a message board, we will disable comments. If you recognize someone's secret and want to talk to them about it, be courteous enough to do so in person. We highly support face-to-face communication, and there are several quaint coffee establishments within walking distance that would do nicely for such a meeting.

• an invitation to "out" people's secrets.
  

Naturally, much of the fascination with this project lies in the possibility that a secret belongs to someone you know. Speculation is inevitable -- we admit that we do it, too -- but in case you missed our catchphrase the first few times around, ANONYMITY IS CRUCIAL. Even though they are online, these secrets are still secrets if unattached to a source, and those who submit want to keep them that way. Please respect those wishes by not indicating that you think you know to whom the secret belongs. It discourages others from posting and besides, you might very well be mistaken.

We are keeping comments open for the time being in the hope that these clarifications will be useful to you. While we're obviously well aware that several secrets and comments have already been posted which don't adhere to these guidelines, we will not be going back and deleting them unless there are requests for specific removals, and we apologize to anyone who feels that their secret was handled unfairly.

As always, we look forward to hearing from you.

I met someone online. Now we've met in person many times, and it's getting really serious. I'm scared that my parents will think I've lost my mind if they find out how serious I am about this and not support us.

A part of me really believes that my professor will call April Fools on today's midterm.

You were someone I could have easily fallen in love with had you not stopped talking to me. We were such good friends, and I really believed in you.

When I'm alone in my car, I practice soul-baring, brutally honest conversations with certain people that will never happen in real life, just in case I'm taken by surprise.

I love to make you laugh, but I love to make you blush even more.

You are my best friend and I hope that never changes.

But I'm so afraid it will when you figure out what you really want.

...because if it's not me, I can't stand to know what it is.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/1/08

I told Silent Sam I'd talk to him senior year. Now I'll never get the chance.

I'm terrified that I recognize myself in another secret.

I am so scared you will get sick of seeing me and leave me next year. Please don't. I love you.

I don't understand why you don't call me back. That kind of chemistry is rare.

Maybe I misread you.

I think that's what scares me more.

Someone told me that they admired my certainty of myself. I have no certainty...no clue of who I am, what I stand for. Funny how even those closest to me can't tell. I wish someone would.

I thought I was getting better after our relationship ended. But I'm still not. And now it's affecting my relationship with him, too. I'm so sorry.

Even after everything that's happened, I still look up at your window every time I pass and wish I was on the other side again.

I am in love with my best friend whom I've known for 13 years. I think he's in love with me too but both of us are too scared to admit it.

I don't know why i've wasted so much of my life "caring" about guys. if i'm honest with myself, they don't even interest me.

my secret is that i'm oh so very close to just saying fuck it all and giving up. so close.

I wish we could still be friends. I miss the person you were, but not the one you have become. If you ever decide to change back, give me a call because I deleted all your numbers.

I lie to everybody. Friends, professors, random people I run into, you name it. If I know you, I've lied to you about something at some point. I hate lying but I never get caught so I keep doing it.

I am a guy and when I watch porn I don't know if I am being turned on by the girl or the guy

Comment here to submit a secret 3/31/08

From the Moderators

Thank you for sharing your secrets.

The reaction to this blog in such a short time has been overwhelming and gratifying. Not only have the posts been eye-opening, but your comments have added so much to what this project is starting to become. 

We do request that when you submit a secret, however, that you try to be concise. We have been getting several posts that, while as touching and fascinating as any of the others, probably already have CliffsNotes for sale at your friendly neighborhood amazon.com. Ideally, your secret will be between one sentence and two (short) paragraphs long. While we so appreciate your choice to participate in this project, for the sake of those reading the secrets (and us who moderate them), brevity is preferable.

If your secret has not been posted and you suspect length was the reason, please feel free to shorten it and submit again.

(This post, for instance, might serve as an example of what not to do.)

I'm fucking awesome.

I love my family, but everytime they come to visit, they never fail to remind me of how I'm not living up to my potential as a student, of how fat I've become, and my many other shortcomings. So, I've rebelled and gained more weight, and became careless about my schoolwork.

i like big butts and i cannot lie...

no, seriously. i have a thing for HUGE asses, especially on white girls. my girlfriend's is really small, though, which kind of sucks.

i never wear underwear if i can avoid it...

The first time I stayed with you, we didn't have sex because both of us said we weren't the one night stand type. That was 2 months ago and I've stayed at least once a week since but I think you're too afraid to bring it up again. It's ok; this is obviously more than just hooking up. I'm attached and I think you are too.

I didn't give you my number just because I felt your phone book could use a new number.

I gave it to you because I want you to call me.

I know that more than likely you're going to cancel tonight.

-but even though I tell myself (and everyone else) that I'm okay with that because I don't expect anything from you anyway... I'm still disappointed.

I don't think you realize how much your friendship means to me, but you bring out the best in me. When I'm around you, I am myself at my happiest, my kindest, my cleverest, my funniest (those kind of stop looking like real words all strung together like that, huh?), my most comfortable and my most engaged in the world around me. I know I'm not the only person who feels like this around you, and I'd feel awkward telling you in person, but if you read this and you think that there's no way this could possibly ever ever be about you -- it is.

I hate the feeling that no matter where I go or who I'm with, there is someone prettier, smarter, more funny or "cooler" than I am. I feel so fuckin inadequate.

I could see myself falling in love with you one day, but last night you spilled all your past secrets and mistakes, and now I don't know if I could ever trust you.

I'm putting on a smile for you and I may even get a new girl one of these days (eventually), but I'll probably never stop hoping that you'll change your mind someday and want what we had back.

The next two years are going to be very long.

I trusted you; I was in love with you; we dated for 2 years. Then I had sex with you ... which wasn't a problem until a month later when I found out I got an STD from you... after we broke up.

I was the "good girl." The one who waited for love. The one who had only kissed before my relationship with you. And this is what I get for it. A lifetime of taking medicine and worrying, wondering if anyone will ever stay with me once they find out. Why should I ever expect them to? I don't think I would have.

I won't be like you and not tell them - I won't make them go through the misery, confusion, and pain. OWN UP to it. Don't ruin someone else's love life, too.

I didn't stop liking you. I didn't get too busy. I was falling in love with you and I had to distance myself. Your relationship with her is perfect and I would never forgive myself if I was the cause of it ending.

I just want to lay next to you, and forget about how horrible things have been lately. I want so badly for things to be the way they could have been.

Comment here to submit a secret 3/30/08

I really can't stand you. I think that you are one of the most ignorant, vapid, self-absorbed individuals I have ever met in my entire life.
I think that you carry an incredible amount of insecurity in your heart, and your attempts to mask that with false-confidence fail miserably.
I think that everyone can see through you, and I think that you try so hard it's disgusting.

But what unnerves me the most is that YOU talk down to ME like I have no direction or sense of moral consciousness in my life- when in fact, I feel that YOU, more than anyone else that I know, needs guidance and direction and a more concrete sense of who you are and what you are looking for.

...but I'll be nice because you live next door and you're "one of my friends".

...and I know that saying this to you would accomplish nothing, as I sincerely believe that you don't have the capacity to understand or acknowledge your own shortcomings.