Comment here to submit a secret 5/20/08

I have a friend who uses me whenever she needs something. I secretly hate her for it.

The fact that you confessed to having feelings for me despite knowing I'd never reciprocate pisses me off, and it won't bother me if it ruins our friendship.

My boyfriend is the only guy that's ever given me an orgasm. I've hooked up with plenty of other guys and it's always been unsatisfying, uncomfortable, or even painful. Does this mean he's the one?

I can't wait for college to be over so I can apply to grad school and start over in another new place. I love my friends and UNC, I just can't slow down and I don't know why.

This time, I'm in love with you.

But I've gotten so far with my current boyfriend, and I don't have the time or patience for another "project."

I'm sorry for thinking of you like that, but you're so far away and if you can't understand that I need you to need ME sometimes, then I don't know what else to do but shut you out of my life before I'm in too deep.

Yes, I'm talking to you again, but I'm never going to take you back. Quit trying to woo me.

having a roommate that's engaged kind of sucks.

I either need more from you, or for you to just leave me alone. Being in the middle is wearing me down.

Having to see you everyday doesn't bother me at all, it just reminds me of how lucky I am that we're not together anymore.

I am the best motivational speaker, because I know all the things I wish I could hear but nobody tells me.

I miss your dog more than I miss you.

I kissed a guy for the first time Friday night. I was just standing there when he came up and kissed me. It was my first same-sex kissed and I liked it.

It was only a friend and I don't think he thinks anything about it. But that's all I can think about. I want more.

I feel dirty.

i just had the greatest sex i've ever had with the love of my life.

i keep trying to make myself feel sorry, because it wasn't with my boyfriend. but i can't.

I hope with every fiber of my being that you never make it into med school and that you never become a doctor. If you didn't care about someone you said you loved, how could you possibly care for a stranger? You just want the money, car, house and prestige. Me on the other hand? I will work hard towards something I am passionate about... in the end, you won't have the life, and I WILL.

If you let me down this time, I swear, I'm done with you.

I wish I had a best friend

The last time I really talked to you was on the phone right here under this tree in this daily picture. Afterward I lay face down in the grass exactly in the center of this picture and cried while people walked by. I wonder if my tears even slightly helped it bloom so beautifully...

I pity you, for making fun of me and not taking an interest in me because I am heavier than most girls.

You missed out on the best thing in your life.

As cliche as it sounds, big girls need love, we have a lot of love to give.

Before I went to Carolina, Alumni told me that I would fall in love with the place and be so sad to leave it. I feel ashamed that I was so happy to graduate because I didn't have to come back to Carolina... i feel like it makes em a bad Alum.

To my old roommate: You're a horrible roommate and person. You are not attractive, and every girl you meet does not want to bang you. I'm glad I don't have to deal with your superiority complex anymore.

To my future roommate: You're amazing. You're the sister I never had. I really do love you, and you know it.

I'm developing a big crush on my new house-mate. I am kind of hoping that the summer apart from her boyfriend breaks them up. Until then, or in lieu of that, I'll just enjoy the cute girl who lives below me. I just wish she didn't seem so perfect for me.

I wish you weren't studying abroad. I'm sorry to be selfish, but I'll miss you too much.

I hate the memory of old. I'm getting better at dealing with the fact that we've split up - and it actually helps to think of the you of now rather than the you of old when it hurts inside.

Memories though of happier times; and telling each other that we would never leave one another - what weight do words of love to our future lovers now hold?

It's still incomprehensible to me to think that you can fall out of love after feeling something that felt so permanent. And yet it's happened to me. Twice.

I think I've done something really bad... you'd laugh if you heard it, but it's tearing me apart.

I feel cruel for hoping that I am unwittingly somebody's "one that got away". not because I want to feel desirable, but because it would mean at least one other person would feel this unrequited and terrible.

I am really good friends with my boyfriend's best friend and the three of us have a very close relationship. We all hang out a lot and joke about threesomes and me having sex with his best friend.

The thing is, I'm not so sure his best friend is joking about wanting to have sex with me.

I don't know why I always date assholes when you are the guy I should want to be with. You say and do all the right things, you are always there for me. I wish I could make myself fall in love with you.

I have a crush on you and I don't even really know you. The couple of times we've met and spoke, I've been in awe. There is just this intellectual vibe coming from you that's absolutely irresistible. I would love to get to know you better but it's now summer and I'm going abroad in the fall.

I'm supposed to be saving up my money from graduation gifts for rent money but I splurged on a $200 dress.

I deserve it.

my house keeper is SO loud and wakes me up every morning. I'm just too scared to say anything.

Comment here to submit a secret 5/19/08

i woke up in time to go to an exam for a class i knew i was going to fail anyway ..

and rolled over and went back to sleep

but it doesn't matter now!

I feel guilty letting anyone else use my laptop when I know how much I've masturbated while using it!

I posted this secret in april...

"it took a year and a half, but i think I'm finally over him! But i'm afraid that all the feelings i've worked hard to get rid of will come back when i see him this summer...

Posted by E at 10:28 PM 1 comments"

And now I'm falling head over heels again. Why is it so hard for me to stay away from him??? I'm frustrated but also shamefully happy

I'm beginning to think that my best friend and best guy friend have had something going on that I don't know about. It feels like I got a door slammed in my face.

I'm dying to make out with my best guy friend. Not because I'm attracted to him, but because all my other girl friends have...is he really that good??

When I came to Carolina 2 years ago I cut almost all my ties to friends and acquaintances from high school. I never regret that decision until I'm home for the summer and have no one...

You make it impossible for me to hate you. Even when you say something absolutely idiotic, I love you more.

I can't stand that you're not with me.

i am still miserably in love with you.

and i know i shouldn't have told you, but it still killed me that you didn't say "i love you too".

I tell you that I hate you for hurting me because you didn't want to try again this summer. And I do hate you for it. But I don't know if I want you back because I actually still love you, or just because I want a boyfriend again, or even just because I wasn't the one that dumped you.
I hate that I want a boyfriend so badly and I hate that I'll never find anyone I'll feel as comfortable with as I did with you. But no, I really don't want you back because you were the worst boyfriend in the world, you never did a thing for me except made me think that love could still be love, even when it was so one-sided

Comment here to submit a secret 5/18/08

I wish they made an 'I'm sorry I screwed your boyfriend' card. Even though you broke up, I'm still messing around with him, and I just can't find a way to tell you. So here goes:

You're my best friend. I'm so sorry.

i say that i trust you, but i don't really mean it.
i just don't want to be THAT person that demands you not do the things you want.


but, i think the only reason i don't trust you is that i can't trust myself.

I'm absolutely in love with the campus squirrels. I find them fascinating.

im really scared about having a handicapped child one day , either mentally or physically. i want so badly to have a perfect kid. i dont think i could handle it if it wasn't!

Among the many reasons that we could never be just friends, one of them is that if you stay with the guy you're with now, I could never respect you again. Being attracted to him makes makes me seriously question your taste and thus myself.

when I was young and first discovered AOL an older man/stranger IMed me. he started talking about sexual things i didn't understand.
he told me to see if i saw a whitish bump above my vagina which would be my "clitoris". i found it and thought it was bad, like it was a zit or something. i kept trying to get rid of it, take it off.
my obgyn has never mentioned anything being off, but i'm constantly afraid there's something wrong with it becuase of this, and that maybe that's why i've never figured out how to masturbate successfully.

I have no idea what to do with my pubic hair. I'm afraid of grossing a guy out.

We broke off contact for the last time; I still loved you, you didn't love me. And I'm generally ok now - I've accepted it, even though I haven't been able to move on.

But damn it, when I see a picture of you, my whole world comes crashing down. Especially at night because I don't want to be THAT person - waking up my friends at 3am and being a bother because I need help.

I confessed to one my secrets yesterday. I feel fearless, and so much more comfortable in my own skin.

I love acting and saying things that are sexy. But when it comes to actually having sex with the guys I've egged on, I'm scared out of my mind. I love teasing and that's it... for now at least.

I'm 21 years old and just graduated college, but I LOVE the movie high school musical.

I remembered today that years ago when I was little, my parents thought I was allergic to broccoli for some reason. I hated broccoli, so I just played along, even though I'd eaten it at friends houses all the time and never had an allergic reaction. I'd forgotten that I'm not actually allergic because I've lied for so many years just to avoid having to eat it.

Comment here to submit a secret 5/17/08

Instead of getting into a fight and telling you exactly how much you hurt me, I decided to let you go. I can't hold on anymore.

As much as it hurts, I know I made the right decision.

I stayed online for hours hoping that you will message me, but you never do. I check my phone all the time hoping that I have a text from you, but I never do. I try so hard to convince myself that I'm fine with us just being friends, but I don't know how to change the way I feel toward you. I wish you missed me the same way that I miss you.

I really think we're meant to be together. I think you know it too. Why are you so scared?

I've dreamed about you the last few nights in a row. I know they don't mean anything, but I'm amused and saddened that even in my dreams my feelings for you are so clearly unrequited (and that feelings I thought I'd kicked to the curb are rearing their ugly heads again).

We broke up over a year ago. We've each dated other people since then. Yet you still keep hoping we'll somehow end back up together. Why can't you understand that until you get past the idea of "us", we won't even be able to be friends?

when i found out you died this morning in a car wreck i went into shock. I've been reading all of our old and recent messages to each other online and I don't think it's completely sunk in that you're gone...

that the next time I message you online you won't ever be there to respond again.

I hope where you are there's a beautiful beach and a big, friendly dog you can call your own....I know you'll want to be there forever. I do hope wherever you are you're happy....I miss you and love you, buddy....thank you for making me see that the moon is really so beautiful....

I wish you understood that when we hang out what I ACTUALLY want is for you to just cuddle with me. Because I think you would if you figured it out.

Comment here to submit a secret 5/16/08

you keep promising we'll hang out and it never happens. I only have a few weeks left here, why do I keep believing you??

I honestly think I'm fat.

I've wished so many times that I had the self-discipline to be anorexic. How do they do it??

I told myself I wasn't going to let my happiness depend on a guy anymore. But I get sad if a day goes by and I don't get to talk to you.

when my roomate isnt here i am naked all the time in our apt...it's just so liberating

I think I like the you I talk to on AIM better than the in-person you. It's always such a let-down when we hang out.

I think that I am more afraid to be vulnerable than I am of being alone--but just barely.

you keep surprising me with the new levels you sink to.

Once, I slept with three guys in the same month. No one would ever believe that I would do something like this. For the first time in my life, I have a secret that I can't admit to ANYONE and it makes me feel alone.

i've been sure of my major and career plans since high school, but today i decided i wanted to change. but now its too late.

I really do love both of you. It sucks.

I love our late night conversations, and how you make me laugh, and everything else that you're so good at that he stopped doing years ago.

...But the next day, I always end up having sex with him.

i let my weight dictate my happiness.

I think we're meant to be together. I think you know it too. Why can't we just admit it?

Your dad sent me a picture of you today. I hadn't seen an updated picture of you in over 6 months. Even though we broke up almost 2 years ago I still remembered the exact curve of your lips and the way your eyes crinkle up in the corners, and how your hair falls into your eyes.

I'm in love with him. I wouldn't be with him if I weren't. But why did I suddenly miss you so badly when I saw that picture?

i just cut myself for the first time in 2 years...i thought i'd finished with that.

Comment here to submit a secret 5/15/08

It's not that I don't want to hang out with you. It's just that if we go to that place, we'll probably run into your girlfriend. Then I'll remember why you and I aren't that close in the first place.


(You didn't want me. I still think about it every day.)

I used to not remember my dreams. It was funny how I'd wake up and have no recollection of anything.

But these past few months I have... and I hardly ever have happy dreams. I didn't think it was possible to wake up with such negative and crappy feelings every day.

I don't understand why. I'm a happy person. Why can't I just dream happy? It's really starting to get to me.

i wanted you to spend your last night in chapel hill with me. I guess you had better people to spend it with.

Please don't come visit if you're having sex with someone else. I know you like me, why are you so afraid of only being with one person?

since i met him, i have cheated on every boyfriend i've ever had with him.
but, it feels more like i'm cheating on him with every boyfriend i've ever had.

i love you more than anyone, but i won't tell you.

i'm scared i will never learn how to be faithful.

I graduated three days ago, and it already depresses me that I can no longer watch TV, hang out with, or talk frequently with my roommate. Having to move and grow up really sucks at this moment.

Mainly, I just miss my friend.

Comment here to submit a secret 5/14/08

I am sleeping with someone you know well. You know we are doing it, just admit it to yourself and let me leave you.

It's just so screwed up that I think you'll be proposing soon.

I'm going to say no, it's just not fair to you.

I keep getting uglier as I get older.

I can't stop thinking about last night. But I don't think it meant anything to you.

Every time I read a secret about someone being secretly in love with a good friend, I pretend its you.

But I'm pretty sure you have no idea this website exists.

I wish you would get over me and just leave me behind... its makes me sad that you are feeling so upset about us breaking up. i kind of want to get back with you so you wont feel so bad, but that would be out of pity and you wouldn't want that... would you?

1 year at UNC showed me that not everyone is in it for themselves.

Thanks.

Two years ago, a girl accused me of getting her pregnant. Not knowing what to do, and respecting her decision to keep the child, I asked her to marry me.

It turned out that she wasn't pregnant, and never had been.

So when you wonder why I'm distant and fear commitment, it's because the biggest commitment of my life was based upon a lie.

I'm afraid that without even thinking about it I just ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.

You only like me when you have exhausted the search to find a reason not to.

Comment here to submit a secret 5/13/08

what was that casual goodbye? i thought we were better friends than that, and it's not like we'll be seeing each other again anytime soon

Last year, I had everything one needs to be truly happy - then I took on an internship over the summer, ended up by myself with no friends or companions (not for lack of trying), and spent every day in isolation.

It showed me that the mental strength I thought I had was a farce, and the resulting depression from acute loneliness fundamentally changed me as a person.

Then this year happened, and I lost it all - love, friendship, and everything that I thought defined me as a good person.

And so I sit on my bed, at home this summer. But life is cruel - though I'm now at the place I would've given my all to be last summer, I'm lonelier and more in need of a hug and a reassurance from a friend than I ever have been.

And I have no one here.

I feel like my roommate always hates me. I wish I could fix it.

I only ever really liked maybe one of your friends that wasn't my friend first. All of your friends are either REALLY weird, completely self-centered and/or fucking psychotic. I want to go up to every one of your shitty friends and tell them how shitty they are. That would feel fantastic.

I'm starting to forget what your kiss feels like, and the shape of your hand. I miss everything about you, gave you everything i had. You took everything from me, and now, my memories, which once kept me company,are starting to fade...