if there was a way for people to see the number of times i've looked at their facebook profile i would be mortified.

the first guy i've wanted to cheat on is the first one who doesn't deserve it.

went to the gynecologist for the first time a couple days ago. She knew I was a virgin, because I told her so. And yet... not particularly gentle, that woman.

I hate that the first thing ever to penetrate me is a piece of cold and indifferent steel.

My worst fear in life is losing my parents. Seeing them get older and not be able to do things that they used to hurts me. I know that I will not be able to live my life without either one of them. They are the ONLY people in my life that have been a constant and I am starting to believe that no one will ever love me as much as they love me. I know this is awful but I pray that God takes me away before he takes them away because my life is worthless without the love that they give me.

I feel so much better having talked and gotten all that off my chest. You were wrong when you said it would be better to just keep it all quiet, and I don't regret it one bit.

(...so what happens now?)

Happy Father's Day. I wish last time we talked it didn't feel like we were just doing it out of obligation instead of actual love & respect.

I'm going to make you mine.

I know I barely know you, and it may take a while, but it's gunna happen.

hope you're ready.
;)

make the first move.

Comment Here To Submit A Secret 6/15/08

I was incredibly sick last week and was throwing up all the time. Now, I feel better, but I keep throwing up anyway. I'm terrified that this means I'm getting an eating disorder.

Whenever I talk to you, all that comes out is jibberish. Your smile reduces me to a middle-schooler!

I've never been so afraid to lose someone. Knowing you has made me better, and for that I know you're different.

But I've never had to be so far from someone that means so much to me, and the jealousy of the new people in your new life hurts more than I can say.

...and for once, I really have no idea what to do.

I just... I just want this to be easier.

i hate how you judge girls. all of you. it's not fair.

i know i will never be "that girl" but i do hope that i am decent-looking enough to have a chance with you.

i honestly believe i would like you this much no matter what you looked like and that pisses me off.

i can't believe you're gay... we just had sex! i think you might be using that as a way out of following up!

we're engaged but i dont want to marry you anymore

i want you to aggressively take advantage of me... just do it!!

Sometimes I feel tired of you, of this relationship. But my brain informs me that's only fleeting and I love you. You're the most honorable person I've ever met & we're incredible together.

So why do my doubts keep growing babums?

I tried. I really did. But I fell in love with you. Even though you already have a boyfriend who gets angry when your flaws come out, can't handle your family, and is so temperamental that you're afraid to call him sometimes. I promised myself I wouldn't do it, but maybe one day she'll see in me what everyone says is there. Unless they're lying.

The guy my ex was talking to just listed himself as 'complicated' on facebook. It seems inconsequential, I have no information to go on, and yet I'm still feeling sick because of it.

The only thing I want more than being able to get over you is for you to take me back.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 6/14/08

I finally feel fulfilled and happy with my work for the first time in my life. My faith in humanity has been restored. It's such a good feeling!

I want to be skinny so badly. I walk around thinking about how many calories I'm burning and when I can eat again. When I do eat, I eat so much it hurts...then feel guilty. I want to be better and eat normally, but I'm terrified of being fat.

It's easier when I'm drunk.

I love you more with every moment, and I can never be with you long enough. You're everything good. We talked everything through, and I was happy.

So why can't I stop thinking about it, what you said a few weeks ago? Why does it [still] hurt to think that, maybe, you aren't straight?

I don't want to go back to UNC next semester. This summer made me realize I'm burned out and getting a little indifferent. I will reclaim some inspiration before August. I have so much to appreciate and don't want to take it for granted...

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 6/13/08

It's been almost a year, I'm over you.

So why did it hurt so much to see a picture of you and her on fb vacationing where you always promised to take me?

I never know whether to feel happy or insulted when my ex starts dating a less attractive girl after me.

I'm prettier but she has him...who wins?

i think we might get married one day.

and i cannot think of a single thing that would make me happier.

i wish i didn't miss you so much.

i really want to have sex with you before i leave...

i may be bicurious...i'm scared

you are selfish and dont care about your friends--i cant wait until others see the real you, too

i finally understand how it feels, how things should be. I've never fallen so fast for somebody and it's scaring the life out of me. I just got a taste of not having you around and the effect it had on me is terrifying. Please don't be like the others, they broke a small piece of me but you would break so much more.

i think i just realized that i'm afraid to be happy

Comment Here To Submit A Secret 6/12/08

I finally said goodbye to you, cut you out of my life for good. I was shaking as I deleted your number from my phone, and for a few hours I kept waiting for you to call and tell me that you really did want to try to make it work as friends. Then I realized that I didn't want to you to do that, I didn't want you to drag it out any longer. This is what I've needed to do for a long time, and I finally found the strength to be ready to do it.

With every passing day at my internship, I feel less and less confident in the abilities that I thought I had.

I don't think I'm good enough to be here right now, and I'm just praying that my boss doesn't realize that.

Can you fall for someone nearly 4 years younger because of the intensity and complexity of a night's conversation? Or could it just be the way you caught my eye from wherever you happened to be and how you brushed my back with your hand each time that you passed by?

dont you guys feel like theres more to life than just the regular day to day happenings in chapel hill? do you ever feel like you are scratching the surface of what it means to be alive?

i feel like the world has great things waiting for me and im ready...

Comment Here to submit a secret 6/11/08

i actually don't know if we're going to make it.

We talked about everything and where we stand for the summer. I'm so afraid we're going to get back to Chapel Hill in the fall and you won't want me, and you'll let me go.

I'm trying to stay positive that that won't happen. Please don't let me down, I'm falling for you more and more every day.

They say they want me to get better. But it doesn't really matter if I don't does it? All the things I have to give up to make sure my friends safe and happy are going to cost me a lot more than my emotional stability, and I don't even think they care. I keep saying "one more day" but I'm not sure how many of those are left before I give out...

please let me get this job. i really need it. i don't know if it's right to pray for something so selfish, especially after being a stranger to God for so long, but I am.

That's the first time I've ever felt like it was the other person's privilege to be with me. Like how I imagine beautiful people feel when they have sex with someone they know i uglier than them. But it's not because I'm more attractive. It's because I'm so much more beautiful than him on the inside.

I'm going to tell her. I think she'd want to know. And I have a right to; she hurt me before she hurt you, and just because you'd rather keep it all quiet doesn't mean I have to.

You're fantastic but I hate your girlfriend. She's immature, you admitted it yourself, and she doesn't deserve you. Therefore, I'm going to try to be a boyfriend-stealer. I know this makes me a bad person, but I kinda don't care.

i had the most amazing day yesterday. the most awesome things happened that i didn't even think were possible.

and at the end of the day even though i felt lucky about my life and that everything was so surreal...i felt unhappy and all of the negative things about myself even stronger than usual. why can't i just be happy?

Bad things happen when you drink too much...and I may have just ruined my rep with everyone I work with. To cover it up I'm lying about what happened and what I remember.

Great way to start the summer...

Both my brother and my sister are in relationships. I'm the oldest and I'm single. How is this fair!?!? I know its stupid but I want to be the first to get married, and I'm really beginning to think its no longer a possibility.

I used to laugh at those women on Maury for not knowing who fathered their child, but now I realize just how easy it could be and it really scares me.


Please God, don't let me be pregnant.

I don't miss my roommates.

I get really pissed off when people tell me that all I need is more confidence in myself and THEN I'll find the right guy.

I am confident. I truly believe I am a beautiful, smart woman. But sometimes I wonder if my confidence is what pushes guys away...

I bumped into you today, and it will probably be the last time we ever see each other.
After all we've been through and meant to each other over the past 7 years, you couldn't even get up out of your chair to hug me goodbye?


It makes me wonder if I ever really meant anything to you at all. And that really hurts because even though I've moved on, a part of me will always love you.

Comment Here To Submit A Secret 6/10/08

i wish i had a chance with you. I wish you could see me as more than a friend, at least consider it.

I was just sitting and having a conversation with a friend that I hadn't seen in a while. I think that you are such a bitch for telling him what I did last year with the guy you are now dating.

Everyone sees you as this perfect, caring person, when you acted without knowing anything about the situation, and least of all, me. Oh, and not to mention, you weren't even dating at the time. I have spent the past year trying as hard as I can to forget what happened, because I know I can't forgive myself for it.

I hope your relationship ends soon, and I hope it's because he does what he did with me with someone else.

it kills me that i didn't mean enough to you for you to even miss me.

we are in love.
but i refuse to be with you unless you can fucking make time for me.

You couldn't get it up today and I'm really hoping that doesn't mean that you didn't want me. Or that I did something wrong.

It is so awkward to talk about it, I don't know what to do.

Its been a month since I have graduated and I feel like all of my "friends" have forgotten about me. No calls, no messages, no emails. I feel used. I guess because we aren't all on campus anymore and don't see each other on a regular basis, you have no need for me anymore. I guess I wasn't fortunate enough to have true friends who keep in touch no matter where we all are!

See, what I got from that conversation was that you think my friends are holding me back, I'm a spoiled little rich girl, and I'm a naive child that knows nothing about heartbreak.

Thanks for that, asshole.

You really know how to make a girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I don't understand it.

You love me, and I love you.

Why can't we just be together?

i understand that you're busy and tired, but i really miss talking to you. you make me feel like myself.

Sometimes, I have all of these ideas and dreams and goals, and I feel completely confident that I can and will do all of them.

Other times, like right now, I wonder how real that actually is and realize I can't really see myself doing that stuff at all. I think that if something really bad were to happen to me, it would save me a lot of grief because people would remember me the way I am now, and before I end up failing everyone.

i hope you fail

i just want you to know your girlfriend flirts with my best friend every time you aren't around

i hate my best friend

i like watching gay sex

I'm going to start smoking because I feel the need to do something self-destructive that doesn't leave a scar.

I will never forget how you found me attractive when I felt so ugly. Thank you.

If I get another crappy score on another LSAT, I'm going to hang myself.

I would give anything to talk to you and hear your voice again- knowing that’s impossible kills me every day

I'm glad you're moving to Charlotte, it's such a great opportunity. You hate your job, and the new one will give you better pay, benefits (which you currently lack), better hours, more respect, more freedom, a better office, you'll be closer to your family...it's just so perfect for you. But when I found out that you want to break up when you move because you "can't do long distance", it made me wish I hadn't pushed so hard for you to find a better job. Is it terrible that I can't decide between you having a job that makes you miserable, but I get to be with you, or you having the perfect job, and I have to let you go.

I've ended all of my past relationships because I lost feelings for the other person.

I'm crazy about you, but you have become so apathetic. I don't think that anything is going to change. I don't know what to do. If you want to end things, I wish you'd be man enough to tell me.

Comment Here to submit a secret 6/9/08

when i woke up this morning, i had 2 tampons in. i'm not really sure how that happened...

I hear my old stalker just moved back to town. It's cool though, because he doesn't know how to find me. I almost wish he did, though, so I would have a reason to send my big angry brother to beat him up.

I beat myself up everyday for missing my chance. It's happened more times then I care to count now.

Comment Here to submit a secret 6/8/08

I think you might have Asperger's, but if you seem more normal than I feel, what does that say about me?

I'm not fat or anything, but I love eating. Many times I will try to steal my roommates food without them knowing, just because I am hungry. Sometimes, I even do it when they are looking just so we will talk about food.

i'm bad at making friends.

i keep my distance.

i come across as cold but i'm really just shy and think too much before i speak.

blah.

because my friends know i read this page all the time i'm worried they think some of the secrets here are about them, even though I've never posted before this. it's scary how many of these secrets are my own.

I'm having the time of my life this summer. I can't stop thinking about how much more fun it would be if you were here with me!

I came out as a bisexual during my sophomore year when I was working with a UNC theater production. When the actors did not believe I was bisexual, I went back into the closet. The only other person I have ever confessed my bisexuality to (offline) was my mother and she still has not believed me to this day.

I wake up every morning and wonder why I hurt so bad, even though I have the power to help others so well. I was called just the other the day kindest person someone knew, but I have no one to come to with my own problems, except this site. Holding the weight of the world on your shoulders, your back is bound to tire out I suppose...

I try to "fill up" my schedule so that I don't see you a lot. I do it to make you miss me, so that the next time I see you, you tell me how much you missed me and shower me with kisses. I really want this relationship to work, but I'm also tired of putting so much more effort into it than you do.

I feel like all my friends are having adventures abroad or doing cool, fun internships, and I'm stuck at home in a horrific minimum wage job. It makes me afraid for my future.

Comment Here To Submit A Secret 6/7/08

So even though my friends are certain that you like me (you behave like you do when we're alone) and when you talk to me you always bring up amazing plans to do fun things when school starts back up, I still wonder how a confident 'bad ass' like you could handle and maintain a relationship. I have some hope though, you match my wit and throw it back at me and when I act cocky or 'hostile' you just laugh and tease me back into my normal sweet behavior. Also you love my country accent and I love being able to be my old country girl self around you.

Choosing a major that I liked freshman year seemed like a wonderful idea at the time but as I enter my senior year I wonder if I'm actually going to be able to find a job after graduation

I have really high career goals. I think that I could be great at what I do.

I'm afraid to admit to the people I work with that I'd be willing to give all of it up to have a family with you.

now that you no longer trust me and confide in me with all your secrets, it seems like a quarter of these are from you. and it breaks my heart, i never tried to abandon you, but you felt that way, and so im scared you will never allow us to be like we were - the closest that partners could ever be, sharing everything, and holding each through every tough time.

I can't believe you actually wrote that on juicycampus.

I love you, grandma.

Comment Here To Submit A Secret 6/6/08

I was afraid of vampires when I was a little kid. Even now, I still can't fall asleep unless my neck is entirely covered by my blanket.

you're really good at acting like you don't care about stuff like that but IM SO GLAD that you admitted that you cared today. we are far apart and i really needed that. thank you!