I'm terrified of the upcoming semester.

I felt so numb last night, as if I didn't care. It's the same way I felt right before I was raped. I thought I was doing better, too.

I'm so conflicted! I want my best friend to do well, and I'm doing my best to help and encourage, but at the same time, she is my competition in the real world. I don't know if I should keep encouraging and pushing or if I should just let her set her goals a lot lower than they should be.

When I was kissing you last night, I thought about my ex and my best friend. I'm sorry. You're such a great person and I really do like you.

I think I'm in love with you. And I can't be with you because you're there and I'm here. It's getting harder every day, but I think you feel the same way. Please tell me if you do.

35,637 words (so far.)
And all of them are about you. That terrifies me.

So yes. I was lying when I said I thought 'just friends' was probably best. I'm not sure what is best for you and me, but friends isn't it.

If you read this and know it's me: wake up. that means something.

There are still marks on my arm where I cut myself. They remind me of who I was.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/1/09

Despite everything--you cheating on me, the lies, leaving me, telling me you never would, making a fool out of me in front of everyone I know, stealing my friends, destroying my mental stability, making me afraid to ever love again--despite all that, if you were to come back to me today, I'm not sure I'd be able to say anything but "Yes."

I never know if she means it or if she's just trying to hurt us when my mother threatens suicide.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 12/31/08

My brother's an alcoholic.

I'm worried that I'll become one, too.

When I get dressed up to go out and feel really good about myself, I feel invincible. I want to have a good time with my friends, have a drink, and laugh. Why does a woman enjoying herself immediately translate to "Please hit on me. I desperately want it." ?

A part of me likes the attention. But when you're leering at my ass and breasts, you're just being creepy. So stop it.

I hate myself for saying "I love you" back. I don't know if you ever meant it, and I still don't know if I meant it or not. I don't know if love is anything more than lust.

I hate that I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone anymore. If you could leave me without any warning, when I thought things were so good, then why wouldn't it happen again?

Most days, I am glad we don't talk anymore, and I never want to see you again. Ever. I'm not sure what I would do if I saw you -- I think I would burst into tears. It's easier pretending you don't exist. Most days...

Most of all, I hate that I still love you, after everything we said and did to hurt each other.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 12/30/08

I will never have a successful romantic relationship. Once the people I've dated have gotten past my veneer, they fade away. I guess the real me isn't very appealing.

I realized that I only have three real friends at UNC. They're the only ones I'll miss when I'm gone, and I couldn't be happier that I've found such quality friends.

I'm scared of telling my parents that I'm depressed because I don't want to go on medication. I just can't remember the last time I was happy.

I think he stopped loving me long before we broke up. It only makes it worse to remember how many times I was sleeping next to him when he said that he loved me only to realize that he was lying.

He was LYING. And he promised that he would never, ever lie to me.

Why won't you fight for me? You know that I love you, and I know that you love me. Just say it, and stop acting happy when I tell you that I found a date for New Years.

I looked at your facebook profile, and I think you're dating someone else, and it's killing me.

Was I really that easy to replace?

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 12/29/08

I'm finally starting to let you go after you hurt me so badly, but I'm afraid I will never be able to fully let go or fix the part of me that still loved you after all the pain you caused.

I wish I could prove I love you.

I think what I really want,
deep down,
behind all the wanting of friends, or boyfriends, or important jobs, or great accomplishments,
is to know that if I died,
there would be some hole that I left
that nobody else could fill.

Welcome Back.

Dear loyal readers and contributors,

It's been a long time. I hope you forgive the delay, but we are back up and running.

We truly value all of our members, so please spread the word that UNC Post Secrets is back.

Happy New Year,
The Moderators.

Summer Break

Dear Loyal Readers and Commenters:


Thank you all SO MUCH for continuing to support this project throughout the summer! We appreciate every hit, every submission, and every thought you've given to UNC-CH Secrets!

We would just like you guys to know that we will be taking a brief hiatus from updating for the next 2 weeks or so, in order for the moderators to get some (much needed) breathing time.

Feel free to leave your secrets, thoughts, comments, pictures, etc. in the meantime, and we will be back to posting regularly by mid-July.


you guys rock, and enjoy the summer!

The Moderators

i feel 100x better when i go out drinking and get attention


i feel so badly when i dont get the attention -- am i fat? not wearing a cute dress like everyone else?


i know it's shallow...beyond belief. but i cat help it

summer school classes really havent been that horrible...


but it just doesnt feel like summer. ive had internships, jobs, whatever, over the summer and it still felt like a break from school


im afraid that im going to burn out come fall semester

I run from my problems.

I bought a vibrator the other day...I LOVE IT! But I can't wait until I see you again so I can get the real thing

I know that we're perfect for each other. Stop fighting it.

I am just as good as you.

I love to make service calls (phone, cable, other bills) naked. It is hard to carry on a conversation with someone when all you can think about is what THEY would think if they could see you while you were talking.

every once in a while, i have to remind myself that i made the right choice when i left you for them.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 6/25/08

you know i'll say it back.

miss you, lonestar. didn't plan to.

I love morning sex.

I would take you back in one second despite what you've done.

I used to hate myself. Then I came to carolina and learned to love myself. I fear I have relapsed...

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 6/24/08

I feel so connected to you all who post here. Thank you for helping me not feel so alone. :)

whenever i hear you talk about how hot some girl is i facebook stalk her and try to figure out what makes her so much better than me.

I have lost a ton of weight and accepted the fact that I am gay, but I still look in the mirror and see that fat, unattractive, and closeted person I was. I guess my closet was bigger than I thought. I want a relationship and I want someone to hold and fall asleep with but I don't see myself as good enough for that. How can I learn to like myself?

When you fall out of love with your current boyfriend like you did me, you should realize that the kind of love you want to last your whole life is not possible for anyone. And maybe then you'll try at us again.

im scared


im scared im falling too fast
im scared of what will happen come fall
im scared that im no longer completely in control
im scared im not good enough
im scared ill fuck things up



please make it worth it

I didn't expect to see you that night, when I did see you I was worried it would be a terrible night. It wasn't--I haven't had that much fun all summer. Now I only wish I had made out with you...

No one knows that I'm suicidal.

Life away from Chapel Hill is missing a very palpable something. While its not torture for me to be in this home which isn't even mine since my parents move, I feel as though life will be significantly better once I can get back to campus. At this point, I actually want to have classes, I want to learn, I want to excel. So I guess the lack of accomplishment is what really gets to me out here.

I am happy. I like the path my life is on.

I only wish you had wanted to journey there with me.

Hey, snotty little brat at my internship.

Don't you dare knock UNC because your program is specialized.

I'm so glad that you have all of these classes that teaches you everything you need to know, but that's all you'll ever know. Personally, I'd like to EXPAND my horizons. Thank you.

Oh, and by the way? Yes. Basketball IS important, asshole.

I'm reinventing myself this summer. It's going well with all the people who are seeing the slow gradual changes, but I'm scared about what happens in the fall when I am suddenly a very different person.

i dont understand why i dont have any fucking friends. is it them? or is it me?

When I wrote "I love you" on a road sign today, I meant you, and I have for the last years and probably will for the next few to come. You've moved on and you're happy. Just know I'm somewhere wishing you well.

what i cant tell you:
your voice is sexy and its adorable how tall you are. every time we look at each other i want to do what our eyes say.

but its not going to happen.


thank you for this

I could see us growing old together. Please let us have another chance one day.

I was never that prince you read about in fairy tales.
I Was NEver That PRInce You Read About In Fairy Tales.
I WAS NEVER THAT PRINCE YOU READ ABOUT IN FAIRY TALES!!!


...all I can do is try, but that's never been good enough now has it?

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 6/23/08

I have a 1.891 and i don't think I'll be able to come back to UNC in the fall. I've never been so sick in my life...

how can i tell my parents that i was so close to a 2.0 but wasn't good enough to cut it? who can i talk to that will help?... i need help

Why is it so hard to fall in love

I wish you had told me and I didn't have to ask.


You could have done a lot better. I'll give you some credit for trying, but maybe next time just do better.

i'm cheating on my girlfriend. i don't know how to stop and i feel so guilty.

tomorrow is my last night in chapel hill, and i want to spend it with you.

i hope you realize how much that would mean to me. and how much YOU mean to me...

I hate being home. I hate my conservative Christian family. I hate that I can't tell them I'm atheist. I hate that I can't even list 'atheist' as my religious views on Facebook, out of fear it will get back around to them.

Why the hell do I care so much? Why must I tiptoe around their prejudice?

We stopped talking and sometimes I wonder if you're ok. I feel like I fixed a lot of problems that you came upon and also I understood you best of all. Are you doing ok without having me to vent to and give you hugs?

I miss the person you were when I could help you and solve your problems. I am glad to be away from the person you had recently become.

Be that old person again and we could be friends.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 6/19/08

I went through some of your pictures on facebook today like I have done for months since we've broken up and I realize that I don't want you. You're not even as attractive as I used to think you were. You're a self-absorbed, narcissistic liar and I can do way better.

i wanna be on you.

i look at you and my heart beats faster. and it scares me, because i don't think this is right. i'm scared to get my hopes up.

but i see that smile of yours and your eyes lock with mine and i'm instantly assured.

I pick and flick.

I feel like I'd be really good at writing porn.

I always make up movies in my head, anyway.

I haven't had sex in a month and a half now, and I feel like I'm going crazy. Now I know what you have been feeling like for the past semester or so. I'm so sorry. At the same time, I hope you're not sleeping around this summer, like I know you wanted to do.

Comment Here To Submit A Secret 6/18/08

theres a thing between us. i dont know what it is, but i like it.

i know we are right for eachother i just know it.

i just hope you know it too.

For the most part, I'm glad we decided not to talk anymore. It was the right thing for both of us. Last night, though, I had a really hard time dealing with my life without you to make things better. Have you missed me at all?

I love you. And you love me. I couldn't be happier. Only 8 weeks until we're back in Chapel Hill. I hope it goes fast because I miss you like crazy.

I don't know if I like you because I like you, or if it's because it's convenient. I really need to figure it out before I start throwing myself into things for you.

I take back what I said. Over the last couple of weeks, I realized that I deserve someone that knows what they want. I'm not going to wait for you to make up your mind. It's too late.

I'll never be able to forgive you for driving home drunk the other week. I see you as a completely different person now.

I'm drunk and alone. I know no one really cares.

Our friendship is worth nothing to you. I know this, you know this. If I dropped dead this instant you'd forget about me quickly. Stop pretending.

Every time things end between me and a guy (relationship, hookup, whatever) he immediately finds someone else and enters a committed, long term relationship.

I'm still single, and really beginning to think I'm cursed.

I am a very political person, and I always have been. I am liberal, but come from a very conservative area. When I finally gained the strength to voice my opinions to those closest to me, they attacked me and my views to the point that I started to think that they see me as only a "goddamn democrat" than the person they knew, loved, respected, and supported for years. I haven't changed a bit.

The experience has sickened me to the point of virtual apathy. I have always hated it when people were apathetic about something with the potential to cause great change.

Plus, I am going into the upcoming year with a big leadership title in a prevalent political organization on campus.

I told her "just hang on one more night." It didn't work, but she still lived. But I feel like she didn't make it, and now I don't know how many "one more night"s I have left myself. And I feel like a selfish hypocrite for telling her that and not being able to do it myself.

I just found out (through means that I am not necessarily proud of) that he and you were romancing behind my back before you broke up with me.

We were together for so long and I loved you more than anything I have ever known--Then you showed me none of the respect I deserved, and hid your despicable actions from me while you said you were being completely honest. Well now I know, and maybe it will help me get over you sooner, because the last few months have been excruciating, at the worst of times.

To think I thought you were the one, even at such a young age.

How could you do that to the person you loved the most? I'll never understand, and I hope it gnaws at you every time you are romantically slighted in the future.

You better not be just like them. You just might be the one who breaks my faith in men and love completely. Sad part is, I never thought I would get to this point. What the hell do I do now?

Please start taking responsibility for your own actions. You're running out of excuses, and possibly friends to blame things on.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 6/16/08

i miss you so much but i think i've irreparably damaged our second chance.

is this really the end?

Now that we've had sex, please don't forget about me.

:(

I keep my fingernail clippings in a bottle. Sometimes I take them out and play with them. I know its weird, but for some reason it makes me feel good.

i've been facebook stalking friends of friends who live in the city I'm moving to...just to see if anyone can hook me up :-)

I graduated, but it still hasn't hit me I'm not moving back to Chapel Hill in August.

I'm pretty sure that's the only reason I've been able to hold it together thus far.

i had a thing with my high school teacher

everytime i am around you i get hornier and hornier. i just want you to acknowledge me as a lover. will you ever?

i masturbate a lot.

i told you because you seemed trustworthy, because of all people i thought you'd understand.

i'm not sure how many more times i can handle violations of trust before i completely lose my faith in humanity. there's only so much hope one can have, and it's fading fast.

my definition of love changes with each new person i date.