Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/22/09

I'm really annoyed with all the religious speech-making on election day. I'm an atheist, I don't believe in god, and I resent that the US is being represented that way!

Today, January 20th, is the first day I've felt proud to be an American in over six years.

I got back from break and acted weird for personal reasons. Now I feel like all my friends hate me, or don't really want me around, even my best friend. I feel insecure and I don't know what to do. I can't say I blame them.

I've already decided that I won't leave a note. There are too many ways anything I say could be misinterpreted.

you don't know how much i want to call and make sure you're ok. just to hear your voice would make me feel much better. but i feel like that would hurt you more and i can't do that because it hurts me to think you're hurting.

I've never been to a frat party at Chapel Hill, not because I don't want to go to one, but because I've never been invited.

If they needed me to stop the rain from falling, I would try and find a way. But I feel like I pushed the people I love the most in this world away from me and it scares me. Because I feel like I deserve to be alone. That's the way it's been my whole life, why would it change now?

For 8 months, I thought I was having your baby. That is the real reason I never called you - I didn't want you to have anything else to worry about since you were already going through a difficult time.

Now, I wouldn't change anything about my life - except I wish that we were still close friends.

Sometimes, you bore the heck out of me. I don't even know why you thought you had a crush on me, because we're totally wrong for each other. You have no interest in partying. I don't want to be with people who don't have a healthy sense of adventure. I'm surprised you don't see the disconnect.

But whatever. You're not a bad person because of your choices. You just don't understand that we don't... fit. I'm sure you'll find a nice, quiet, conservative boy to make you happy. In the meantime, when we do hang out, please leave your superiority complex at home.

I know you'll probably never read this, but I am so worried I am going to become less and less important in your life. Logically I know that's probably not ever going to be true, but I am terrified it will happen. I just fear losing the people I care most about because I don't know what I'd do without them.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/18/09

I know you'll probably never read this, but I am so worried I am going to become less and less important in your life. Logically I know that's probably not ever going to be true, but I am terrified it will happen. I just fear losing the people I care most about because I don't know what I'd do without them.

You are TERRIBLE at your job, and I wish that other people would realize it.

I think Global Warming is a scam and is perpetuated by liberals, the media, and the environmental lobby. Not to start a political debate... but that's just what I think.

Your personality is amazing, and I've never met someone who actually listened to me like you do. I don't know whats wrong with me - but I'm just not physically attracted to you.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/17/09

The winter makes me lonely.

I unfriended my ex on Facebook because I can't stand looking at his new relationship status... and the picture of him with his new girlfriend.

I'm considering pretending to have plans of my own this weekend, just so you won't feel sorry for me anymore.

Having "casual sex" with you was exactly what I needed to get over my ex. Thanks.

I found a twenty-dollar bill lying on the ground while I was walking home alone at 1 a.m. on a Thursday night.

I would have traded it and a hundred more for friends who cared more about me not getting raped or mugged than they did about card games and that extra half hour with their significant others.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/16/09

I have no desire to travel. There, I said it. Take pictures of the world for me.

I worry that I'm losing my ambition. There's so much that I used to want to do, and now whenever I think about it, it doesn't seem as appealing anymore.

I can't stop you from loving her, but if I could... well, I wouldn't because I just imagine what it'd be like to be her. But I wish that you'd choose me.

I'm terrified of you breaking my heart.

Every post I read here that involves cheating makes me lose faith in humanity and to be able to find a girl that wouldn't do that to me.
It does not matter if you feel guilty or not, just don't do it.

I have never gone out on a date in CH.

I peed on a campus bush, once. Some gardeners saw and pointed at me. I waved back.

There are days when I really wish we could all make it blatantly obvious whether we're single or taken. That way I wouldn't have to wonder which of the cute guys in my English class to flirt with.

And that way they'd know to flirt with me.

Meeting your girlfriend just made me want you more.

From the time I get home to the time I got to sleep, the only thing I can think of is drinking. All I want to do is drink. Sometimes I do, and when I don't, I wish that I were drinking.

I saw my ex tonight, and while I may seem fine with seeing him, on the inside I was SCREAMING. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. Does he really not know how much it kills me that he has moved on?

I wish for once the stars would align and I'd for once be satisfied with my romantic situation.

I wish was able to forget my past and just start today as though it were day 1.

I'm finally starting to feel whole again, like I'm not angry and jaded and unreasonable in my world view like I was right after I found out you'd been cheating on me all that time. But I still have the same cynical opinions about the world as you inspired in me then. I guess I'm just getting used to being unable to trust.

Whenever I meet a cute boy, I have to look up our Zodiac love compatibility.

I'm not sure I actually believe the stuff, but it hasn't been wrong yet.

Yes, i was hitting on you. Yes I do know you're gay, and yes I am too. I'm just too scared to say it, so give me a reason not to be, please.

I cannot go one day without a cigarette. Well, I can, but if I don't have one I get really grouchy. I try not to admit this to anyone.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/14/09

We couldn't be more incompatible, so why do I still try?

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/12/09

Return my goddamn phonecalls, asshole. It's getting annoying.

I feel so alone. I'm getting sick of my good friends, and I don't know of who else to talk to.

I know how I feel about you and how you feel about me. Yet all of a sudden, I'm pulling away again. It's probably because I've realized that we're not going to be together for a long time, and I don't want to deal with that. But I still love you, and probably always will.

I moved in with my friend at the beginning of this month, and I can already tell it's going to destroy our friendship.

She shuts herself in the room all day, doesn't speak to me for hours, and has completely monopolized the internet and cable, leaving me to post this using someone else's internet. Additionally, she seems to think it's MY job to report any maintenance issues to the office, even though her inconsiderateness has caused me to avoid the place when I can.

It's going to be a LOOOOOONG 8 months.

I wish you wouldn't keep ten feet away from me as if I had leprosy. It doesn't hurt that you don't feel about me the way that I feel about you. I'm an adult. I can handle rejection. What hurts is that you seem to be terrified of me, now that the truth is out.

I'm not here to cause you pain. You face enough stress as it is. But please don't insult me by acting as if I'm a crazy nympho who'll jump you without warning. I thought you knew me better than that.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/11/09

We broke up before break. I will not enjoy seeing you around next semester, but I'll pretend everything is fine.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/10/09

It makes me feel like I'm in middle school again but I'm jealous of my roommates' friendship. I hate being left out and I don't understand why they don't like me anymore.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/9/09

So you want to know the real reason I never wear my hair down?

It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm lazy or anything like that.

It has to do with the fact that I have trichotillomania. Which means that I pull my hair out and have since developed a bald spot.

Now you know. Well kind of.

I think I changed over break. I'm coming back better, faster, stronger, and smarter. I hope my friends notice.

I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm just not physically attractive. I've gotten uglier since high school.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/8/09

Im pretty much only your friend because I feel bad for you.

My roommate's relationship with her boyfriend has made me understand why women remain in emotionally and physically abusive relationships. How does she still live in denial?

I've developed an aversion to anything cream-based because I'm obsessed with not gaining weight.

I'm really happy that I've found a new group of friends because my other ones were stifling me.

I'm not worried about the future because I know we'll end up together eventually.

I'm one semester away from graduating, and I'm beginning to wonder whether I made a terrible mistake in my choice of major.

I am really worried about my decisions recently. I either don't think at all and act really rashly and end up regretting it, or I think too much and then don't do anything, also regretting it.

It's as if I can't do anything right.

I love my boyfriend, but I can't stop texting my newly single ex...I know it can't end well but I can't stop myself.

Everyone knows how much I despise Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers, but I actually like some of their songs and listen to them in private.

I often wonder if you would believe me were I to tell you that your life is easier due to the fact that you are not a woman.

Ironically, I'll bet you would try to tell me that I was being sexist.

You broke my best friend's heart a year ago. I hope you're not falling for me now. I could never reciprocate.

Comment here to submit a secret 1/7/09

You used to be my TA, but you haven't controlled my grades in more than two and a half years. Can we please stop playing games and just have sex already? I need to stop agonizing over you and wondering when you'll call me next (and please don't make it 3 a.m. again)!

I'm confident that no one will love me for me. I'm not enough.

I've been lying to everyone in the world for years, and I don't even know why. Some of the lies I have repeated so often that even I believe they're true. Even my best friends don't know me.

But I probably won't stop, since I have appearances to keep up!

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/6/09

The reason I don't like you playing with my hair is because it's a wig.

My best friend made my study abroad experience worse. What's more, now we can't seem to go back to "normal" she's so damn cynical. Part of me wants to shove her away, far away, but the other part knows how much I really do love her and love her being in my life.

I hate that I'm too liberal for my friends from home but not liberal enough for my friends at UNC. I can't seem to convince either group that I'm happy being in the middle and that there's nothing wrong with it either.

Girls, give guys a chase. They will treat you better. I promise.

I wish you would goddamn talk when you're angry - especially when I specifically ask you if you are. At that point, there's nothing more I can do.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/5/09

I called you so many times tonight to tell you that I loved you but you didn't pick up the phone.

i thought we would be together forever, but i guess that isn't going to be the case. i still can't believe that it's over after almost 3 years..and i hate society and the way it has made being in love with someone of the same gender such a horrible thing. i still love you and always will... and i still hope you change your mind and realize what you're giving up on.

I can't tell if I like my best friend, or if it's only because I'm lonely.

In any case, I can't see it ending well.

I want to scream. Stop using me as an example of how you've failed at relationships.

you mean more to me than you can ever possibly imagine...

I am seriously thinking about dropping out of college to become a chocolatier.

What am I doing wrong? I wake up each morning and put on my makeup. People tell me I look pretty, but why believe them? I've had one boyfriend my entire life and I'm 19 now. What am I doing wrong?
I think I'll go have a cookie.

I haven't felt like a person in years. I feel like an object, and college didn't help any. I just don't want to feel empty anymore. I really am a good guy.

I cheated over the break. I'm sorry; I will never repeat that mistake-- nor tell you about it.

You call her your "penguin"? I tell everyone I'm happy for you but a small part of me is dying on the inside.

UNC is such a lonely place. I don' really have any close friends. Just a few people i see once a month at most. I don't have anyone to confide in. Study with. Go to parties with. It's like everybody is emotionally blocked off. I'd just like to meet some people to hang out with.

There's almost nothing I'd rather do more than to have sex with the boy my best friend is in love with.

and he offered.

Now I just have to figure out if it's worth it to get over this compulsion.

I'm terrified of the upcoming semester.

I felt so numb last night, as if I didn't care. It's the same way I felt right before I was raped. I thought I was doing better, too.

I'm so conflicted! I want my best friend to do well, and I'm doing my best to help and encourage, but at the same time, she is my competition in the real world. I don't know if I should keep encouraging and pushing or if I should just let her set her goals a lot lower than they should be.

When I was kissing you last night, I thought about my ex and my best friend. I'm sorry. You're such a great person and I really do like you.

I think I'm in love with you. And I can't be with you because you're there and I'm here. It's getting harder every day, but I think you feel the same way. Please tell me if you do.

35,637 words (so far.)
And all of them are about you. That terrifies me.

So yes. I was lying when I said I thought 'just friends' was probably best. I'm not sure what is best for you and me, but friends isn't it.

If you read this and know it's me: wake up. that means something.

There are still marks on my arm where I cut myself. They remind me of who I was.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/1/09

Despite everything--you cheating on me, the lies, leaving me, telling me you never would, making a fool out of me in front of everyone I know, stealing my friends, destroying my mental stability, making me afraid to ever love again--despite all that, if you were to come back to me today, I'm not sure I'd be able to say anything but "Yes."

I never know if she means it or if she's just trying to hurt us when my mother threatens suicide.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 12/31/08