Friday, June 13, 2008

I finally feel fulfilled and happy with my work for the first time in my life. My faith in humanity has been restored. It's such a good feeling!
I want to be skinny so badly. I walk around thinking about how many calories I'm burning and when I can eat again. When I do eat, I eat so much it hurts...then feel guilty. I want to be better and eat normally, but I'm terrified of being fat.
It's easier when I'm drunk.
I love you more with every moment, and I can never be with you long enough. You're everything good. We talked everything through, and I was happy.

So why can't I stop thinking about it, what you said a few weeks ago? Why does it [still] hurt to think that, maybe, you aren't straight?
I don't want to go back to UNC next semester. This summer made me realize I'm burned out and getting a little indifferent. I will reclaim some inspiration before August. I have so much to appreciate and don't want to take it for granted...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 6/13/08

It's been almost a year, I'm over you.

So why did it hurt so much to see a picture of you and her on fb vacationing where you always promised to take me?
I never know whether to feel happy or insulted when my ex starts dating a less attractive girl after me.

I'm prettier but she has him...who wins?
i think we might get married one day.

and i cannot think of a single thing that would make me happier.
i wish i didn't miss you so much.
i really want to have sex with you before i leave...
i may be bicurious...i'm scared
you are selfish and dont care about your friends--i cant wait until others see the real you, too
i finally understand how it feels, how things should be. I've never fallen so fast for somebody and it's scaring the life out of me. I just got a taste of not having you around and the effect it had on me is terrifying. Please don't be like the others, they broke a small piece of me but you would break so much more.
i think i just realized that i'm afraid to be happy

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Comment Here To Submit A Secret 6/12/08

I finally said goodbye to you, cut you out of my life for good. I was shaking as I deleted your number from my phone, and for a few hours I kept waiting for you to call and tell me that you really did want to try to make it work as friends. Then I realized that I didn't want to you to do that, I didn't want you to drag it out any longer. This is what I've needed to do for a long time, and I finally found the strength to be ready to do it.
With every passing day at my internship, I feel less and less confident in the abilities that I thought I had.

I don't think I'm good enough to be here right now, and I'm just praying that my boss doesn't realize that.
Can you fall for someone nearly 4 years younger because of the intensity and complexity of a night's conversation? Or could it just be the way you caught my eye from wherever you happened to be and how you brushed my back with your hand each time that you passed by?
dont you guys feel like theres more to life than just the regular day to day happenings in chapel hill? do you ever feel like you are scratching the surface of what it means to be alive?

i feel like the world has great things waiting for me and im ready...