Sometimes, I wonder if I'm only interested in him because I want to make you jealous.

I act distant to you because you are not my best friend, even if you think I am yours. I have many friends, I am sorry you don't, and I am sorry I don't feel as close to you as you want.

I keep imagining myself screaming. I can hear it in my head. Screaming in frustration, or actually screaming at other people. I'm worried that I might actually do it someday.

I yelled at you today. I never yelled at you when we were together, and I feel strangely vindicated. But what I said today is true -- you never took me seriously.

How can you pretend there was nothing between us? From the summer to last semester, you became someone I didn't know within a week. You felt it, I felt it, just admit it, instead of staring at me with those eyes every time we're around eachother.

Remember when pulled me away and said "You know what I'm most afraid of?...That when I finally realize I'm supposed to be with you, it will be too late."

I never forgot

Whenever we talk, it's always all about you. I told you about some huge problems in my life, and you haven't asked about them since. This just reinforces my view that being close to someone is pointless, people are transient, and I am wasting my time.

Every time I see a secret on here about a best friend sucking, I get scared that it's my best friend. Really, any time I see any secret that could even remotely be applied to me that expresses negative opinions about someone, I worry it's me. Then I try to correct whatever it is the secret complains about. I'm not sure if this process is making me a better person or just giving me low self-esteem with impossible goals for self-improvement.

I'm still not sure what I'm searching for...

I really hate football and the Super Bowl. I also hate the fact that if I don't pretend I have some slight interest in it, I wind up sitting alone all evening.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/2/09