every night i wish for you upon a star but darling, i have run out of stars. i really do wonder what it will take for you to notice me.

When you criminalize the entire white population i get defensive. Please know that many of us are doing the best we can. Please be patient and help us learn.

I know I will never fully understand what it is like to be a minority.

We share so much with each other, but I actually really like you. It makes me feel so dishonest.

I can't decide which is worse to me....going this long of a time without sex or knowing that you've been getting it from him.

I told my parents that I turned down the job...in reality they revoked the offer because I delayed on signing the contract in a weak attempt to avoid reality.

i would do anything to be thin. sometimes i wish i could be a coke addict, so i could be thin. or have an eating disorder. or become seriously ill for a short amount of time. long enough to lose weight.

nothing else seems to work.

I am afraid that I am becoming the person that I used to hate my boyfriend for being.

I cheated on him the first time, thinking of it as payback. Now I can't stop. If I stopped hanging out with the guy, I could stop cheating, but I enjoy his company.

Maybe that is the sacrifice I need to make.

I got bored this morning - so instead of studying I took nude pictures of myself...I'm still debating whether or not to send them to you!

I cheated on you. It was that night you got mad at me. And two nights later, when you asked if I had cheated on you and I said no? I lied. That was the night I asked for a break. And then I went over and slept with him again. And that time, I spent the night.

I'll never tell you and I'll take it to the grave. It would hurt you too much to know the truth.

every once in a while, I hope that one of my friends has a terrible accident, so that I will be able to show off all the medical knowledge I've learned here and save his or her life ...

I want to feel like a hero. but instead I just feel kind of sickened for wishing this

I'm still angry. I feel like it's been too long, like I should just get over it...but I can't. And I can't tell you.

it's time for me to stop talking to you. almost. maybe.

Sometimes I'm afraid my main motivation for wanting to get into a really prestigious grad school is just to say 'fuck you' to those people who considered me stupid.

Just end this nightmare and get me out of here already. And I'm not talking about exams either.

i tell you everything love. except that right before we got together i slept with someone else.

i'm sorry. i don't know why i did it. i didnt want to make you feel bad or think less of me.

I hate that we've lived together for an entire year almost, and I feel like you don't trust me, respect me, or even like me. I think we started as friends, but living with you feels like you're just this person that I see every now and then who, when her real friends are unavailable, then deigns to let me be a friend. This is an awful way to be

I wish I could tell you that I miss how close we used to be. It's like we don't know each other now.

I really do not care about my exams, and it actually liberates me when I know that I did bad on one.

You knew all the right moves to make. You knew how to catch me off guard. You knew how to make me want you more. Your presence fills that place between dreams and reality. That place that’s there and not there. That place that I wish could somehow be materialized. That place that feels euphoric as it circulates. How did you turn me upside down?

Roommate:

Our room is not magically immune to the social standards that govern the rest of the world. Mature individuals are generally cordial and amicable, teasing one another occasionally, and only in an appropriate manner. Immature individuals, on the other hand, hack away at those closest to them, until only eroded fragments of a once healthy friendship remain. When you return from class, your inner asshole reveals itself. You find this behavior to be quite humorous. On rare occasions, your general negativity and utter lack of decency do make me laugh; even then, it is because the malicious nature of your comments is so over-the-top, I can't help it. Contrary to what you may think, you aren't blessing anyone with your presence here. I put up with your bullshit because I'm not a prick like you. Worst of all, you have a fake persona outside the room that makes everyone adore you. I know who you really are and I hate you for it.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/30/08

i wish my boyfriend would stop calling me dude and man. i know its just habit cause thats just how he talks but DUDE, I'm not just one of your BUDDIES...

I secretly am thanking God that this semester is almost over. I'm so sick of my negative, complaining, roommate. The world doesn't owe you anything because of who you are or your lifestyle. Get over it.

i'm not sure i can last another moment with my ridiculous roommate chomping on her chewing gum 24 hours a day. ladies should NOT chomp on their gum like a cow chewin' cud- so rude!

I think the only reason I want to be with a boy is because it is the social standard and almost expected. The truth is I am completely happy being alone at this point in my life. My friends give me all the companionship I feel I need.

there is NO WAY i just got an A- on the exam i just took. i definitely made up half of the answers. i think my professor just felt sorry for our class because he was teaching a ridiculous subject?

i stopped caring that my boyfriend kisses me after he goes down on me :)

I made my summer plans because of you.
I'm staying in Chapel Hill, where you live, because of you.
I won't be with my suddenly amazing boyfriend because of you.

...Why did you have to turn into an asshole? I thought I loved you, and I thought you were the one. I guess I thought wrong.

sucks that i just found out you were seeing her when we took a break...
i dont know who is the biggets loser, you--for thinking you could get away with that shit--or me, who still isn't convinced youre the douchebag my friends tell you are, and i can't een confront you about all of this

You left your Facebook up when you left. I went through your inbox. Now I'm wondering if I should confess and ask for your forgiveness or just keep it a secret.

I never wanted to be friends with benefits with anyone before this week. Now every time I'm with you I want to just grab you... but I don't really like you as more than a friend...

Dear roommate of mine:

I have pretended to sort of like you all year, but in all seriousness you are the single most obnoxious and self-centered human being I have ever met. I cannot wait until I no longer live with you. Oh, and one more thing: I am not your mama... clean up after yourself.

I've never been open with anyone.

I keep thinking these secrets are from you. I wish I could know that they aren't.

when i joke about marrying you, i'm more than half serious

i never thought i'd be rationalizing having sex with a guy on a break with his girlfriend. is he lying? how do i trust him? because i put myself in her shoes and i wanna punch myself in the face.

and i blame him. i blame him for taking my naivety. i blame him for taking my motivation to actually study this week. i blame him for almost getting me pregnant.

i don't wanna see him again. but i do. no i don't.

but i really do..

It has been several years since I last had sex and I miss it like crazy! Am I the only one?

I make sure I leave after everyone so I can walk home alone... I love those 15 minutes of solitude.

i don't think i'll be able to stop smiling today.

My brain has already turned off for the summer, I don't think those last 2 papers are going to be written.

If your class isn't the one I need to graduate, sorry for wasting your time.

It's hard enough to drag myself to the SRC when it's free and a 5 minute walk. What's going to happen to me next year when I actually have to PAY to go to a gym??

I don't want to be fat.

I am waiting for that one moment, that love at first sight only in a movie moment, where I will meet my perfect girl and live happily ever after. I wonder if she is out there. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic. I can't be the only guy that feels like this, or am i?

I'm not ok.
I know we talked about it, and you think I've moved on, but I haven't.
I don't think I'll ever be ok again, and I don't know how to tell you that. I don't want you pull you down with me.
and I can't even tell you
I love you.

There’s a part of me that thinks you must just not understand that I love you, and if I can only somehow make you understand that, then you will stop treating me this way.

Sometimes I wished I could develop an eating disorder- just for a few months, just long enough to lose some weight. I know that's really ignorant, but I sort of envy people who have the motivation and self-control to stop eating.

The funny thing about it is I was so worried about failing all year that I actually did.

I want you to break down my walls. Try. I'll let you.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/29/08

I feel like I am ALWAYS acting...

I love it when it rains like it is right now - even though this weather puts me in a bad mood, it gives me something to blame everything on.

I'm getting fat and I can't stop myself....

i'm angry and trying to blame someone else, but it boils down to the fact that i fucked myself over. i feel so fucking stupid.

i feel empty inside, like i don't know who i am or what i like anymore. i feel like i haven't absorbed anything these past 4 years. i don't know what i am doing. i'm graduating in 2 weeks. fuck.

I'm so sorry. We were best friends. I think about you every day. I miss you. I hate myself everyday for something I don't understand. Were we not both to blame?

I'm a guy with an eating disorder. And it may seem immature, but I blame my friends who jokingly called me fat all those years, as well as all the girls who wouldn't even consider talking to me.

Well now I'm thin and everyone's getting what they want -- except me. I keep telling myself that it's ok to start eating again, but I can always find an excuse not to.

sometimes i just want to tell my suitemates to fuck off.

I absolutely HATE shaving my legs. Sometimes during the winter I'll go a couple weeks without doing it - it's a lot easier to get away with when you're wearing pants all the time.

Why the hell am I so shy and scared? It's ruining my life.

i don't mind going down on guys but i can't understand for the love of me why a guy would want to go down on a girl.

I told my dad that I have an eating disorder.

He didn't believe me, and told me that I am "smarter than that."

Thanks, dad.

i'm so afraid he'll hurt me, but i'm afraid to miss out on true love even more

I'm abroad this semester and I secretly wished that we wouldn't win the national championship so Tyler would come back and we could win when I'm back at Chapel Hill. So far...my wish is coming true :)

It feels really great to know that I'll be ok without you. I hope we can stay friends while we go our separate ways and you don't judge me when you find out how I made my realization.

i only feel sexy-or in touch with any part of my sexuality- when i'm drunk

I hate going to the gynecologist because I'm worried they'll find I have an STD or something.

You coming and going like this is killing me. You've sucked me in and you don't even know it yet.

The worst part is I'm afraid you never will.

i never really got any attention here for the first couple years i went here

lately i have, esecially when i go out. i know the guys are shallow (the ones hitting on me, at least) so i take pleasure on being a tease to them--they think they can get any girl they want and be an ass to any girl who they deem unworthy...well, not tonight at least!!

i used to be so against drunk driving (as i should be)
now , i dont know if i was stopped, if i would pass the breathalyzer test...it disgusts me, but i keep pushing it because i don't get caught

i have lots of friends here but i dont think ill miss a single one of them after i graduate! none of these friendships ever got as deep as i had wanted and i cant quite figure out why

one of the reasons why i think i never developed an eating disorder is because my mom always told me i was the right size. right now im very happy with my body, im not fat, im not skinny, im just me, and thats the way it should be.

i try really super hard to find an empty bathroom on campus so i can shit in solitude

i like the idea of those guys in the pit who give free hugs but im always scared to go hug them. but it makes me smile to see them there anyway.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/28/08

I don't think I'll get recognized for my work with my sorority because my office position is completely behind the scenes.

i pick my nose all the time

My hands-down, by far favorite part of spring is seeing girls show off their boobs. I hope my staring isn't obvious.

Someone in HJ doesn't know that I had sex on their desk before they moved in this year. Sorry!

On my last day of work, I stole three things I don't need and only kind of want, just to know I did.

sometimes, i'd rather get disrespectful comments about my boobs than nice ones about my brains

As much as I love Carolina in the spring and summer, I hate walking around on campus and seeing how every girl other than me looks like a perfect clone - perfect tans, size 2 sundresses, big sunglasses, blonde streaked hair, manicured toes, rainbow sandals...

It makes me feel so inadequate in my jeans and a t-shirt. Someone notice me too!

I've faked it every time, in hopes that one day you'll be able to give me an orgasm. It's not your fault - no guy has ever made me come.

i miss this so much.

All I want is a little recognition. I have worked my ass off all year, and no one seems to have even noticed!

For every girl that walks by, I mentally critique her outfit.

And then I judge her.

The other night, as you held me in your arms, I realized how much I actually love you. And it hurts so much because we're both leaving.


I truly believe that we met for a reason, and even if it wasn't meant to be, I am a better person for having known you.

I really want to have a random hookup in morrison. There are always so many people here but it never seems to happen for me.

i've always wondered...is having a penis as fun as it seems?

Tonight I'm finally going to say no to you. I hope I'm strong enough to stay by my decision.

I really want to show my boyfriend off because he's GORGEOUS.. and i don't feel bad about feeling this way because I have waited long enough for the right one. while everyone else settles with jerks who screw them over, i landed the best by waiting.

your new girlfriend looks like she has been rolling around in dirt for hours!!!

I have a huge penis and want to show other girls...I have a girlfriend though and won't do it cause I know she'd object.

sometimes on really pretty days when i see everyone laying out in the quad it makes me regret all those times that i went to the library instead. i got A's but rarely enjoyed the beauty of a day...

i only wash my hands if there is someone else in the bathroom who might judge me if i don't

75% of this school's attire makes them looks absolutely ridiculous.

i hate going out with my friends not because i hate drinking but because i hate my friends! i stopped going out because the only way to have fun was to get wasted and i didn't want to do that any more

i fucking hate people with perfect skin.

there is more to life than finding a significant other, getting drunk, watching tv, and posting facebook albums.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/27/08

I'm not busy. I'm not studying for exams. I'm not stressed. I just don't want you to know that I'm too much of a loser to go out.

I hate it how people nonchalantly talk or joke about cancer. I hate hearing the word. I hate seeing stuff about Relay for Life. I hate how all these made-for-tv movies about overcoming the bump in the road that is cancer. It's not just something you triumph through. It's not pink ribbons you put on your backpack. It's seeing a parent hovered over the toilet for weeks at a time. Watching the people you love most become vulnerable.

But I could never say this to anyone because it sounds like I'm a bitch. So I put up listening to all the commercials and fundraiser announcements, when all I want to do is forget.

I wish I wasn't only attracted to quiet girls. You know, the ones who I have the least chance of meeting out in public.

i'm so tired of pretending to be happy and listening to everyone else talk about their lives...when nobody asks me about mine.

I don't know the names of our basketball team.

I can't stop leaving lame emo away messages.

The next time you and your obnoxious, prick of a boyfriend make out, have sex, or talk while I'm trying to sleep, I might come over and throw up on the both of you.

I can't wait until I find a great guy to love and spend time with again...

although I secretly believe that guys just can't love as deeply as girls can. and that makes me so sad

i like you. a lot. but i pushed you away because i was embarrassed and self conscious. not that you're embarrassing i just am too concerned with what others think.

why do i have the unglamorous eating disorder? binge eating, lack of self control, shame, humility. i cant tell anyone about it because its simply so embarrassing.

i secretly wonder if he has had sex with other girls since me, and if he couldn't get it up with them either.

things are NOT normal. how can you act like things are normal when i'm still so hurt and angry?

i'm a political science major ..... and i hate politics!!! i'm not even registered to vote!

i write lil wayne lyrics on the cubicles in davis in bold black ink. we need a little witty distraction i think sometimes.

Now that we're speaking again, I'm suffering more each and every day because I can't hold you in my arms like I used to. I would give anything for you to lean on me and let me love you again.

I take music lessons and I haven't practiced all year. My teacher tells me how I'm obviously working hard...nope. I'm not.

You know how you've been nasty to me since the day you started dating him? Getting all snarky and acting like you're better than me, because you snagged the guy I wanted.

Guess what: he's been sleeping with me for the past year, months before he even met you. And you two have been dating since fall and haven't done more than kiss. You say it's because he recognizes what a respectable and decent woman you are. Really, it's because he finds you repulsive. But you're rich and eager to support his hobbies, so he'll play along for now. Guess what, I WIN.

most of the people i have met in my time at carolina really have turned out to be shitty people that are really uninteresting. where are all the good people hiding?

we dated less that 3 months... i took your virginity.... just want to let you know that you were really awful in bed and i tried really really hard to put up with it. i was always really confused cause you were such a hot guy. disappointing.

I'm breaking up with you.

I flooded the ticket lottery with entries for the Ohio State game last year. It worked, but they caught on to me after that game and it didn't work again after then. Sorry if I ruined it for anyone else who had that idea... but for that game, it was worth it.

I'm almost a junior and I'm a virgin. I don't want to be. If a random, decent-looking guy walked up to me and said 'let's do this', I would, no questions asked and no strings attached, just so I could get over the fear I have that I'll be terrible at sex once I do start having it.

i HATE going out because i'm SUPER lazy and don't want to fix my hair and i also LOVE waking up without hangovers.

I fake more than half of my orgasms with him, but the truth is, no one else could give me any... so I still think it's a sign.

The day you broke up with me, I was diagnosed with lymphoma. I didn't tell you, because even though I love you, and I want nothing more than to have you by my side, seeing me through chemo...I know you'd be doing it out of pity, and not love. I want you to come back of your own accord, because you love me...before it's too late. Please hurry.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/26/08

I hate how being in love is becoming not good enough. I want to fall in love again.



And I think your letter made me do just that. With the person I'm already in love with.

Thank you for giving me a new perspective.

You told me you were clinically depressed, and that I was the only person you trust. That was your secret; here's mine.

When you called to tell me this, I thought you were crying because you had found out I'm cheating on you again.

I keep hurting you deliberately. I'm so sorry. I love you. I don't know why I do it either.

I'm with someone new, but I still can't stop myself from acting like a total fool around you.

The counselor who molested me at summer camp requested to be facebook friends with me.
I confronted him 2 years after it happened and he laughed and said not to mention it.

I'm not just joking.

Sometimes, I do legitimately hate you.

I can't fucking take it anymore. Stop fucking canceling on me, find your fucking cell phone, charge the damn thing, and get a fucking day planner.

It's not that FUCKING hard.

When I told you you were the best and the biggest I've had, I was lying.
That guy you despise was bigger.
I've had random hookups that were better.

i thought i was going to get my first bi experience in college, but apparently not

It had been so long since I'd found a girl that excited me. Dating became boring real quick, I was interested in anyone I met, but kept looking because I knew I could be happy, in love, again. Now all I have to do is slow myself down, so that we become infatuated with each other. I found the ultimate gem!

He makes my HEART sing

im afraid to be vulnerable

Sometimes, when you look at me, I can tell that I'm still (and probably always will be) "the mistake."

I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me. But I'm afraid to tell her that I'm the heir to a multi-million dollar company.I don't want to tell her because I don't want the money to change things. But I don't think I can ask her to marry me without telling her.

Happy honeymoon. Did I mention I'm loaded?

Last week, the police interviewed the man that molested me going on a decade ago now. Apparently, he felt betrayed.

you are supposed to be my roommate and my best friend. all i can think about everyday is how i can't wait to move out and leave you forever. i think about it all the time, how much better next year is going to be. it can't come soon enough.

It was me that had my guy friend send you $25 of Bski's that "you" ordered. Get excited, there's more things to come.

You shouldn't have been so mean to me.

dear boy
I don't know you...but I seem to run into you everywhere, not just in our class together. What are you thinking about when we lock eyes in class? It is like a staring contest that I never win. People always tell me that I blush to easily. It saddens me that I will never know, but what is even more sad is that I never worked up the courage to ask your name.

--philosophically challenged

i just graduated and didnt have the best experience...it was tough and still is...i didn't know who i was (still don't), i hung out with the wrong people- bad influences...i got fucked up all the time, didnt join any service groups, now i work a job that i'm not sure i like, and i'm still fucking up

I don't hang out with you because I think your best friend is gorgeous (though he is). I hang out with you because you a cool and amazing person and I'm going to miss you once you graduate.

I don't think that they realize how much it hurts me just to know that they're talking about me behind my back.

It's not that I care for their opinion specifically...just that they never even tried to understand. And because of that, I'm not going to try to understand on their end either.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/25/08

All my friends are worried about the direction my life is going. I live from pay check to pay check, I'm failing all of my classes, and I have no plans for my future. They want me to be like them... I'm not... I'm happy... Unlike you! I lay in the grass and stare at the clouds, run in the rain and jump in puddles, walk down the beach and watch the sunset. I'm enjoying my life and we both know you can't say the same. My success is measured in happiness, not in dollar bills. Who should be worried about who?

I just read one of your old letters to me. I don't know why I did, it just confuses and saddens me more.

I hate that i focus so much on a stupid boy.

by stupid i dont mean he is stupid, he is actually smart and handsome and funny and pretty much perfect. i just hate that i have made him the center of my world. im not even mad that im not the center of his. i just hate that i do this all the time!

This is the time of the year that the DTH runs articles about how great Carolina is and how one should have fun with friends. They only make me bitter and anxious to get out of here as soon as I can. Not everyone's Carolina experience is good, y'kno.

I feel so guilty everyday for cheating on you. I cant come to tell you for fear of losing you and the possible social consequences. Even worse is that I feel this way even thought I believe you have cheated on me before.

I've invested so much more in this relationship mentally than any other relationship I've been in - and I'm starting to lose interest and get bored...But I'm holding on so tight, not only because I don't want to hurt him like I've hurt so many people in the past, but also because this time I don't have anyone else to run to.

I hate knowing that I'm a heart breaker. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to be happy in a lasting relationship. But I'm not happy without a relationship either...I wish I knew how to break the pattern.

i came to college to grow up.
i learned how to lie better, then got reckless.
i learned how to cheat more, then fucked up.
i am late all the time, a big old 'fuck you' to the people around me.
i am not financially responsible.
i am not hardworking.
i pursue my own immediate satisfaction over what's good for me every single time.
i'm not stupid, but i'm so fucking foolish.
what's going to happen to me?

i think duke boys are hotter than UNC boys.

I started that post on juicycampus! I can't believe you didn't even guess it could have been me!

Comment here to submit a secret 4/24/08

Links

UNC Counseling and Wellness Services
(surprisingly helpful)
PostSecret
(the inspiration)
The NCSU Secrets Project
(our first sister site)


If you have suggestions for links that should be included, post them here.

We look forward to hearing from you.
The Moderators

i'm scared i'm failing my classes, but i haven't been to them enough to know.

I like watching porn.

I'm a girl.

I'm always hopeful this time of the year because I imagine returning to school fit, tan, and fabulous.

I'm always disappointed when fall rolls around because it doesn't happen.

I'm falling for a basketball manager. I'm afraid he doesn't like me because he thinks I'd use him to get to the players, or because he thinks I like someone else, but neither of those things are even remotely true. There's two weeks of school left. Make your move.

Being single never bothered me until recently. I've always banked on the fact that I'm the kind of girl that guys will look for when it's time to settle down.
I've been thinking like this for 20 years. What if they never come?

I don't want to grow up.

i've been in several relationships lasting between 1 and 3 years.

you're the first boyfriend i've had that i haven't cheated on.

i love you so much, and i promise i will never hurt you.

Beautiful boy who works at a particular library on campus, what is your name? I told myself last semester I would find out, but I still haven't had the courage to talk to you. I see you almost every day, but you look right through me.

I tend to only be friends with people that look up to me or need me at some point. I feel good knowing I can help them. But it wears me down... a lot. I can't do anything to stop it though.

I'm so disinterested in having sex with my girlfriend. I act like I want to, just to spare her feelings.

I'm afraid of staying loyal to him this summer. And I'm afraid that if I do, our relationship will die out when I come back and I will have missed out on so many opportunities...

even though i act disappointed, i love going out without my boyfriend so i can flirt and dance with other guys

...yet at the end of the night, all i want is to get back to my boyfriend's room

I often curse God for making me white. Every day, I continuously realize what horrible things my people have done to this world.

I am absolutely terrified of life after college. I feel as if I have done nothing over the past 3 years to help ensure me getting into grad school even though I've worked my ass off in my classes and have been very involved with a couple organizations. Next year I'm going to be even more involved and do even more things. I just hope it will be enough. If I don't go to grad school I can just kiss any future I dreamed of goodbye....

i hate that i love you so much. and im really scared for our future. you have yours all planned out, and i have no clue what im doing. i think this means that someday you will move on and leave me behind. that hurts me a lot.

you're in front of me right now and i dont feel like looking you in the eyes becuase i think i might cry. why couldnt we have met like 5+ years from now!?!

I can't decide if I want this semester to hurry up and end so I can go home and forget about the chance I missed...or more time to try again.

I know eventually I am going to have to settle for less than i expect. But I'm not ready yet.

You have really hurt my feelings the past week, but I can never tell you because you'll blame it on me being emotional. I wish you were nicer to me, but most of all, I wish what you did to me didn't make a difference to me. I hope someday you'll be nicer. I don't know if you think it's funny or what, but you have really hurt my feelings. Please stop.

I was never afraid to walk by myself anywhere or anytime on Campus before April. I haven't been able to walk home alone from work since Eve Carson's murder without shaking, even at 9:30pm.

I love my boyfriend.

But he is the biggest liar I have ever met. He is not even good at it. He promised me that he never slept with the Troll, he swore it, but I knew he did. She confirmed my suspicions.

Why do I still love him?

you dated both of us for almost a year without either of us finding out. then we did. and now you're back with her, a week and a half later.

and the worst part is that i'm jealous.

I'm the jokester of the group that you all go to for a laugh. What you don't know and will never know is that I am dying on the inside everyday.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/23/08

I am so tired of looking in your eyes and seeing what I can't have.

Why don't you see me for who I am?

I'm tired of it, completely and inexorably tired of it...

I let my eating disorder take over my life. Now I'm trying to recover and I've never been so scared because you aren't around to save me.

I am certain that I have severe depression. I have points where I can't sleep then I oversleep. Nothing interests me anymore. I'm suicidal sometimes. I avoid going out. Everything seems hopeless. I'm failing my classes.

I don't get medication for two major reasons. I don't have any insurance and I think the side effects will make the situation just as bad.

It disgusts me when I know you're with him. It disgusts other people too.

ever since i was raped, i felt like a whole chunk of me was missing.

i finally feel whole again, and its because you love so much the way i am.

you have made me into a better person.

you will never know how much that means to me.

Don't get me wrong I love UNC but every time I go to visit friends at a less prestigious school (UNCG, ECU, UNCC) in North Carolina I always feel more at home and accepted there than I have ever felt here...

none of my boyfriends have ever made me orgasm.
but they all think they did...

I really genuinely like going down on guys, but other people seem to think that if I like giving oral sex, I'm slutty.

It still hurts.

I'm going to kiss you before the weekend is over.

Please kiss me back.

I've subtly wished death on my roommate in the hopes that it would get me a 4.0 for this semester and also that it would rid me of her existence so I wouldn't have to feel so guilty about my slacking off when I see her working.

If I had just bought a vibrator a few years earlier, I could have stopped several bad decisions I made in college.

I've fallen for you, and you'll never know.

All those times we touched and you thought nothing about it, well, it gave me a glimmer of hope.

Iloveyou. The way you look. The way you touch. The way you hug me.

Life is not fair, I want you. I want to be with you.

I know you aren't gay, and that is what makes things so complicated.

bad timing. this defines my life.

It won't be for another year but..
I'm afraid of graduating.
I'm afraid of growing up.
I'm afraid of leaving college and going into the real world.
I just wish I could stay here until I was ready to leave, I don't know when that would be but....

I wish someone wanted to date me.

I'm still afraid of the dark.

I am probably the only one on campus that cannot control my right foot. It just jumps around sporadically. I was just born this way.
If you see someone tripping over their own feet on campus, its me.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/22/08

My dad cheated on my mom with a woman 20+ years younger than him and they were married for 32 years. I am so angry and I have so much hate that I just don't know what to do. My sister and brother have talked to him since it happened in August but I just can't I don't want to see him. I don't even like thinking about him anymore. My mom deserved better than that.

I could have forgiven you for cheating on me, for lying the entire time we dated. I could even forgive you for the way I found out the truth.


But I will NEVER forgive you for choosing her over me.

i think i'm in love with one of my best friends. he's brilliant, motivated, kind, easygoing, and brings out the best in me. after spending time with him, i feel as if i could conquer the world. if only he weren't attracted to men.

it took a year and a half, but i think I'm finally over him! But i'm afraid that all the feelings i've worked hard to get rid of will come back when i see him this summer...

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is this project?
This project is the brainchild of a UNC-Chapel Hill student, run by multiple students. Its purpose is outlined here.


2. What is the point of this project?
I said, its purpose is outlined here.


3. Why are the moderators anonymous?
We thought it would make people uncomfortable to put a name or face with exactly who is reading their secrets. It's fairly easy to figure out who we are, and we'll certainly own up to it if you ask us in person, but we try to keep everything on the blog itself as anonymous as possible.


4. How did you come up with the idea?
The original idea came into being while a student was looking at PostSecret (to which we most humbly give credit and applause). A recently increased awareness of UNC-Chapel Hill as a community prompted her to wonder how the model of PostSecret might work if scaled down to the community level. After she was introduced to a certain college gossip website, she created the UNC-CH Secrets Project 2008 as a place where people could share only their own secrets, be totally anonymous, and expect not to be judged.


5. How do I post a secret?
See How It Works.


6. I submitted my secret a week ago and you haven't put it up. What gives?
Perhaps we were just out of town, or in the middle of midterms, or having a beer with Roy. If you suspect that was not the case, it is possible we rejected your secret. Before you re-submit/track us down with bloodhounds, you should ask yourself a few questions.

• Was it really a secret? You'd be surprised how many non-secrets we get.
• Was it anonymous?
  
• Was it longer than a few lines?
• Was it soliciting advice? While we wish you the best of luck with whatever your issue may be, that's not what this site is for.

An expansion on these and other guidelines can be found here. If you absolutely cannot find a reason for your secret to have been rejected, try again.


7. But the guy who posted at 11:34pm last Saturday's secret doesn't look like it follows those guidelines. No fair!
This blog really and truly is a work in progress. As we see what works and what doesn't, we change guidelines to make the final collection as close in format to our vision as possible. It's likely that the secret was submitted before we made up that rule about never using the letter W in a post, or that it just slipped by us.


8. How do I submit a comment?
There is a Comment link below each post. We review these too, so it may take some time for your comment to appear below the secret.


9. I posted a comment a week ago and you haven't put it up. The hell?
Again, a few questions.

• Was your comment negative or judgmental toward the poster of the secret?
• Was it actually about the posted secret?
• Did you offer unsolicited advice?
• Were you engaging in a discussion with other posters? While we're so pleased that the project is prompting discussion, we'd like to keep the focus of the site as simple and straightforward as possible; we hope you opt to talk about the secrets offline instead.
  

10. But I see comments on other posts that don't follow those guidelines. You are deceptive, unjust, and ill-dressed!
Again, the guidelines for the project have evolved over time, so what is accepted now may be different from what was accepted before. Secondly, the Moderators are human, and things may slip through their notice. Thirdly, the selection process is somewhat subjective, it is true. We may choose to post that which is in the spirit, if not the letter, of the law, and vice versa. Lastly, it's laundry day -- so sue us.


11. Why don't you update more regularly?
Our lives are just as busy as yours, this is a side project, and we update as often as we can, Scout's honor.

I miss you too...but I don't have the guts to do anything about it.

Sometimes I leave prayer requests about "my friend"...but they're really about me. I want to tell someone, but no one will ever ask.

I'm tempted to put my name up on juicycampus and see what people say about me...but I'm afraid that no one will say anything nice about me.

I am more upset over you saying we need to stop hooking up than I was the last time a boyfriend and I broke up. I deserve the real reason.
And we can't stay friends. We could stop hooking up, sure, but we can't stop wanting to.

I get very upset whenever a girl flirts with me or makes a pass at me. I know it's because I juxtapose that with the rejection I get from the only girl who really matters to me.

I check my phone many times a day in hopes that someone's called...no one ever does.

I love making guys in relationships feel really attracted to me. I would never follow through, but it's great sexual tension

I never knew the power that wearing lingerie gave you girls until I started wearing thongs.
No matter what may happen during the day, no one has any idea
ps I'm a guy...

In a boyfriend, looks matter more to me than almost anything else. I hope that changes soon, because I feel incredibly shallow

I am secretly proud that I have the self-discipline to stay thin, and I am secretly a little disgusted by people who don't

sometimes i touch myself and smell the pen you used. the sad thing is you have no idea who i am.

I'm still not happy. I've fixed so many of the things in my life that I hated: inability to make friends, lack of self-confidence, my weight issues. I'm a new person. I should feel on top of the world. And yet...

I only sleep around because I feel fat and ugly every day. You think I'm just a slut, but it makes me feel so pretty to know that guys I find attractive want me.

What you don't know is that I wish I could just stop more than anything in the world.

Both times, when we almost had sex, I didn't go soft right beforehand because I had just masturbated, or any other excuse I gave you, but because I felt sick at the thought of you being my first.

That was when I knew I had to break up with you, and I'm sorry it happened that way.

But I'm not sorry that we didn't have sex.

I'm a Duke fan. It feels so good to have a secret I'm keeping from the rest of campus!

I'm so afraid that my boyfriend will never love me as much as he loved his ex-girlfriend

eery weekend I go home with someone or bring them back to my place and I only make out with them but I do it because I don't like to sleep alone

THANK YOU for finally helping me to realize that you ARE NOT the perfect boy I was thinking you were! I was feeling as if I had missed out on the greatest guy in the world, and now I see that that isn't the case!
I can finally get over you now... Thank you thank you thank you!

I wish you would see that I don't just want to be your friend with benefits and I'm so paranoid about you finding someone else that I go out of my way to see you daily so that you don' t forget about me

I always thought I was the one who rejected you. Hearing you talk about her makes me think it's the other way around.

I don't think i really liked you. I'm just a selfish bitch.

We've never talked but I think he's right for me. I realize this sounds crazy.

We have more than one class together... one week left.

I'm sorry I ignore you. I know you must think I'm rude, but I just hate awkward moments and my instinct is to get away, quick.

I haven't gone to bed sober since December 1, 2007 because my boyfriend broke up with me.
I thought I was going to marry this man. He moved away, broke up with me over the phone and said we weren't allowed to talk.
Now, I think about it daily -- even 4.5 months later. What is wrong with me? How do I get closure?

I feel like I’m close to being engaged to someone but I keep thinking about my close friend. And how we slept together. And how I feel so wonderfully awkward around him like a middle-school crush. And how I want it to happen again.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/21/08

I am scared out of my mind. Will something please go right? I am trying so hard to get excited about my life/future, but it just gets harder and harder every time something goes wrong. Can something please go right? Please??

I think there is something biologically wrong with me. I'm attracted to my boyfriend but I'm terrified of the idea of sex. I've never masturbated or anything. I used to never believe that the majority of people do.

What's wrong with me?

I resist changing my onyen password when its about to expire because it reminds me of how much time has passed and im sad that its going so fast.

Even though this campus is filled with gorgeous girls, they don't do it for me. I prefer women 10-15 years older than me. This is why I'm sleeping with my advisor's wife.

You make me so happy, and you don't even know it. I find it impossible to be depressed when you're around. I like you, but I'll never be able to tell you because I know I'm only a friend.

sometime I just want to dump my friends and get all new ones.

I've been told that I'm a beautiful, intelligent, loving, Christian girl, but I've never had a boyfriend. I'm not saying that my life will begin or I'll have worth when I do get one. I just want to know what it's like to be cherished, held, and loved by a guy.

I play it off like it doesn't bug me so much, but it really gets to me.

It ticks me off when things get complicated. Simplicity is so underrated.


And I can't stop thinking about you or what didn't happen.

i miss having the strict control over my eating that i used to. sure, i may have been on the way to an ED, but i wasn't fat

i tell all of my friends that i'm over him...but i'm not.

i think you're a douche bag for not offering me a ride tonight.

I'm a guy and I get scared walking across campus by myself at night.

every time I hear the phone ring, my heart jumps because I'm hoping that it's you on the other line...

but you've been calling less and less lately, and I'm getting the feeling that you're going to stop all together

I haven't been religious in years, but I tell people I am since most of my friends are from church and I'd like to keep them.

Today was simply amazing. I smiled, laughed, and stretched out on the grass in the sun. More people should have days like I had today.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/20/08

wow.
you have really let me down.
and I honestly never thought you would...

I like to think of myself as a forward-thinking feminist, I'm horrified by anorexia and bulemia, and the last thing I'd ever want to do is perpetuate the beauty myth, but I'm honestly only attracted to skinny girls and I hate that about myself.

I'm crushed.

My Dad has been sleeping with prostitutes. I overheard him confessing to my Mom.

They've been married for 35 years.

whenever i hear people laughing and i don't know why, i always think they're laughing at or making fun of me, and i get really self-conscious

sometimes i feel like masturbating is the only thing that gets me through the day

When listening to recitals of the other students in my studio, I wish and wait for them to screw up so that I won't feel so bad for all my mistakes.

Sorry, but just saying "I was really drunk" is NOT going to take back what you said to me or what we did...the sooner you realize that the better.

You reached out and touched one of my scars on purpose. I have never felt more violated.

I drink on the weekends with my roommates. It's the only time we're truly honest with each other. I'm going to miss them like crazy over the summer. They are truly my sisters in my heart, no matter how much I tease and make fun of them.

Sometimes I ride around on the P2P by myself just to watch and be around people. I also maintain the fleeting hope that can meet a girl one day who is doing the same thing as me.

i couldve hooked up with a realllly cute boy tonight. nice, genuine too. but all i want is you. and damnit, you don't deserve me.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/19/08

I would be indifferent if my boyfriend broke up with me today. Sort of the way I'm indifferent about having him around.

It's been almost two years. I'm convinced that we're meant to be together. I don't mind waiting.

I hate all of the presidential candidates. I don't want to vote because all of them have something that's not only irritating (which I could deal with), but something I am *extremely* against/for that they are for/against.

I despise politics. I think I'm a socialist.

I have so many reasons to be mad at you. You dumped me, and now you seem to be distancing yourself even after you said you wanted to be such good friends. If I could just focus on those bad things, this would go so much easier for me. but instead, all i think about is how great this could have been, and how i could have made you so happy. but you had to go and analyze too much, and now we both missed out on something that could have been so amazing...

Why do I get sad when no one comments on my secret?

Girls in glasses really turn me on

When I'm walking around campus alone, I like to make sure I'm stepping on the black bricks. Sometimes its just because I'm bored and need to entertain myself, but a lot of the time its because I have no clue what I would do should I make eye contact with a passerby.

She's cheating on you. I wish I could tell you, but I couldn't bear it because I know how much it will hurt you. I hope someone is braver than me.

I am teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown with all the work piling on top of me right now. No matter how much work I do things keep on building up. I need a break. I would be looking forward to summer break but I'm doing summer school at UNC. I'm trying to keep a smile on my face but at this point I wouldn't mind a bit if a bus hit me on South Road.

I have Asperger's Syndrome (diagnosed) and haven't told anyone here. I can't. I was "out" in high school and hated getting treated differently.

It hurts to see people with friends everywhere and to know I don't have any, or to see couples and know I'll never be part of one. I just can't sustain conversations or make people like me, and I probably never will.

To all the equally deserving, genuinely sincere, less-than-gorgeous girls out there that I've ignored, I'm sorry. And I can only say it here because I'm not man enough to in real life.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/18/08

I love it when the approval for comments isn't working or is off. The secrets feel so much more real - and I know they aren't edited and that everyone's post is getting put up.

After talking to you for the first time in weeks, it's starting to sink in that I can get over you. However, I can't stop wishing that we could have enjoyed this beautiful Thursday afternoon together again.

When I see a guy I think is attractive or I talk to someone for the first time, my mind automatically races to images of us dating and having a serious relationship even though I just learned their name. And doing this never actually amounts to anything, so why do I keep getting my hopes up?

The reason I act so awkward around you is because I know you are judging me, and I hear you gossiping about me all the time.

It's been months since I broke up with my boyfriend and I've found someone else in that time. But now he seems to be getting really close to a new girl, and it's just now hitting me how much this is going to hurt after all we shared. I feel like a fool, but yet I'm still completely confident and assured that I made the right decision in breaking up with him.

I have penis envy.

The two people who used to be my best friends have both told me that they hate me. But they won't let me leave and be alone. They would rather I stay right where I am and all of us be miserable.

There's one kind of leaving that they won't be able to drag me back from.

I'm so sick of hearing girls talking about 'cute guys.' There are a lot great, average-looking guys out there, too. At least that's what I try to tell myself, but sometimes I want nothing more than to be one of them.

We all want someone to talk about us.

I tell people that I'm probably going to law school so they take my choice of major seriously.

You're about to really hurt me again and you probably don't even know it.

Sometimes I wish I was white so life would just be easier.

I never graduated from UNC. But literally everyone I know (including my employer) thinks I did. I somehow conned my way into graduation ceremonies(including departmental graduation), took all the pictures, and went through all the pageantry, but have no diploma.

Now I can't leave a job that I hate, because I'm worried if I apply for another one the secret will get out.

why didn't i actually try harder? i'm beginning to think it's too late for anything to happen.

i read and write fanfiction. i can't help it. i enjoy slipping into another character's life that's so much more exciting than my own.

i'm not sure that i'm in love with my fiance.

I don't like sex! I am deeply in love with and highly attracted to my boyfriend, but the deed never does it for me. I've been with girls and guys and it all feels dirty. What the hell is wrong with me?

I wish you would break up with your significant other so I could have a reason to break up with mine!

My teachers think that I'm missing class just because -- but it's because I have depression and can't muster up the energy to get up in the morning.

I think I am too ugly/fat to be in a relationship, or even have sex, for that matter. I hate my body. I sometimes think if someone else loved me, then I would love me too. Maybe being in a relationship would mean I'm actually not ugly. One can only hope.

You told me to be straightforward if I want to tell you something... And what exactly was that supposed to mean? I'll be straightforward when you start.

you're supposed to be my best friend.
yet, i am the one always calling you. you never ask how i am anymore. i feel alone. why don't you care? i wish i was "your person" for once.

Whenever I am faced with an opportunity to express myself I find I have nothing to say.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/17/08

I'm just as scared as you are, the only difference is I'm willing to take a chance on us. Why aren't you?

I'm beginning to worry I may be turning into a stalker. Not just on facebook, but in real life.

It might make me feel better when people tell me everyone considers my ex a jerk, if it wasn't for the fact that I already got used to him being one.

Even after a year, I wish I was still being torn down by him, because I loved the boy that came back to apologize.

i hate my roommate

I can't wait till August!!!

My two best friends are people that I am in love with but can't date. One isn't single and I just know the other couldn't think of me that way. It is both a blessing and a curse - I have the people I admire the most at my side, but I tortured daily because I see the people I am in love with but know nothing will come of it.

It feels like it’s happening again.
I’m excited but I’m fucking scared too that I’ll be hurt again.
I’ve gotta find out soon though.

I hate that I read juicy campus everyday.

you looked SO cute today! I wanted to tell you so badly.

Today during class I mentally inventoried the objects on my person, figuring out how I could kill myself with each and every one.
pen.
credit card.
belt.
cell phone.
These are the first suicidal thoughts I have ever had.

Please don’t graduate and leave. I can’t tell you how much I will miss you. You have come to mean so much to me.

I really hope you do something awful so that I can have a good reason to break up with you before summer starts.

I can't help but wonder...if I left for a year, would you care? Would you even miss me? Would you look forward to my return?

I have a crush on my best friend and she doesn't like me in that way. She doesn't know that I am attracted to her because I'm afraid that if I tell her, she will never hang out with me again Now she's with someone. It gets way worse.... he's a douche bag. He is such a douche bag that he could be used to clear out Rosie O'Donnell's vagina. Sure I may be biased, but he IS so full of himself. If he were a nice guy, I would be sad, but I wouldn't be angry.

This sucks so much. I am either going to end up without a friend, or having to deal with this asshole and all the praise I hear about his greatness.
[...] I'm miserable.

I stare at everything. Clouds. Trees. People. Cars. Birds. Food. Everything. All I want to do is trade places with it all, so I don't have to deal with the suffering and frustration that comes with being me.

Why does everything have to involve Eve? I understand how we can't ignore it but it's still upsetting to see her name in the DTH and everything associated with her death. I don't want us to forget, I just don't think it should be a focus for everything. It's hard enough as it is without constant reminders.

I get sad every time I see a VW bug now because of our endless game of Punch Buggy. I think I ultimately won, but after losing you, I'd rather have taken a thousand punches on the arm.

Graduation is less than a month away, and I'm terrified to leave Carolina. Can someone PLEASE make time slow down? There's so much left I have to do...

I only brush my teeth once a day because I'm too drunk at night to remember.

I just want to be held.

I just can't do it anymore. It hurts every time we hang out and I know we will never be together. I wish you felt the same way I did.

Every time I slip up and tell you something personal about myself, I feel sick. It hurts knowing that trusting you is stupid.

I finally figured it out! I'm an attention-whore.... I need people to be interested in me...and STAY interested in me, in order for any kind of relationship to work. I have a hard time staying interested in people who don't care about me at all.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/16/08

I wish I had a plan, any plan, as to what I'm going to do with myself after this semester. I'm not even a senior, I'm a sophomore. But I'm having to leave here because I'm not good enough academically and I guess I never will be. Now I can't even get into community colleges because so many deadlines have passed. I hate having wasted my parents money going here, and I hate the feeling that I've disappointed them even more. Why didn't I just stay home and find another path to my dreams?

I am so afraid of going home for the summer. This is my home now. What if I come back and everyone is different? I don't want to have to start over. I love how everything is right now, in this moment.

I want to sleep with a professor just to say I did it. Too bad none of my professors are hot.

I think I might be falling for you all over again.

I only eat around other people. I've lost ten pounds so far, and I don't want other people realizing that I'm not eating, because I'm afraid that they'll make me eat more...

I don't like James Taylor.

So sue me.

I wish that one of my friends would discover all of my deepest, darkest secrets, so that I wouldn't have to ever work up the courage to tell them to anyone. That's why I put them all in writing.

i really love the girls in it, but i'm afraid my sorority is starting to define who i am...

i just want a fucking break. that's it. like one week where i don't have to be constantly reminded that i'm fucking failing everyone in my life

i cant study and i cant sleep
i'm going to fail again

i am sick to my stomach thinking about it...once again, i'm in the throes of another week of hell

Next time I go out of my way to help someone or make them feel better, I hope it's worth it...and if it's not going to be, I hope they tell me.

I have a weird bump/scar on the inside of my lower lip. I get nervous and start thinking about it obsessively and whether or not people can feel it/get grossed out if I'm in a situation where I might get kissed.

I'm sure you think that I'm scatterbrained and ditsy, but the truth is that I just can't concentrate when you're around. Of course, when you're not around, I'm distracted by thoughts of you anyway. My homework is taking a real hit. :)

When I cut you out of my life, I wasn't trying to play hard to get. I really just want you to leave me alone...

...not because I hate you, though, despite all the horrible things you did. It's because if I don't get away from you, I might not ever get over you.

I hate cigarettes but I think it's so fuckin' sexy when people blow the smoke out of their mouths.

That's yet another reason you're not right for me, but I can't help wanting you.

i care about everyone in my life so much. i wish they would show that they care about me too.

i'm planning the rest of my life out with you. you just don't know it yet.

You always say the right things. We're perfect together. We talk about our future all the time. Why is it that I'm waiting for you to mess up and break my heart?

I've been posting more comments to secrets on this site- because it was such a relief to know someone was with me when they commented on my own secret.

You are the best person I've ever met. When I'm with you I feel like my world is complete. There's no where else I'd rather be. When we're apart I feel like something is missing from my life. You're my best friend and you make me better. I wish I could tell you this in person. I know you don't feel the same but every night before bed I make a wish that one day you will.

We both know we've grown apart since then, and maybe I burned you before because I couldn't handle it. But now that I'm making a real effort at it, it feels like you don't care anymore. It makes me want to just drop it all again.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/15/08

I secretly hate UNC-CH. I'd rather be in Raleigh.

i really wish that you were scared of losing me, but honestly i think you believe i'll just wait forever.

and i'm afraid you might be right.

I always hated my job. The only reason I stayed there so long was to see you every day.

I text people just so they will respond. Every time it says "1 new message" I feel important.

I feel kinda bad for all you people who don't have a clue what to do when they graduate. But I know exactly what I'm doing and I can't wait to start!

I still can't figure out why you never cared.

I wake up ridiculously early on days that we have class together so I have more time to get ready.

I can't sleep unless I put up a secret before I go to bed - it's usually something that's been racking my head all day, but I can't tell anyone. If I don't put one up, I toss and turn for at least two hours thinking about it.

I'm getting tired of religion. I feel so fake.

why can't I ever say anything intelligent around you??? No wonder you don't seem interested.

I love you. But I don't know if I can be with you if you don't try. If you don't communicate. If you don't express that you feel the same way.

You seem undeserving. If you want me, show me. If not, I will have to leave you even after how much I have told you that I love you and want to make it work.

I go to the UL on days I feel pretty, just so I can be seen and admired.

I thought people made life-long friends in college. I've been here for years and I still don't consider anyone I've met here a true friend.

I thought I had a circle that I could trust, but I realized I couldn't after an incident last year. I guess asking for loyalty and acceptance is too much these days.

My feet are disgusting. I have about four hammer toes and countless blisters. It makes me feel so ugly.

It's not much of a secret that I really like you. And even though you have a girlfriend, I can feel your interest in me. Other people can see it. I don't know her, but I feel so sure that I could be good for you, maybe better.

If only.

Your Thoughts on the UNC-CH Secrets Project 2008

We've been getting some comments about the blog itself that we'd love to share, but they don't count as secrets proper. This post is set up so you can offer comments or suggestions regarding this project and the direction in which you'd like to see it move. As always, you can also contact us at uncchsecrets@gmail.com with your ideas.

We look forward to hearing from you.

The Moderators

Sometimes it feels like this site isn't real, like I'm the only one who knows about it and reads it. But then tonight I saw someone in a computer lab browsing it, and now I feel more even more connected to it.

I'm failing 2 of my classes this semester. One of them is crucial to my career.
I've never failed anything before in my life.

I frequently have the urge to run in front of a truck or bus on Airport Rd.

I didn't feel bad about cheating on my last ex as long as the people I hooked up with agreed not to tell.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/14/08

I want to know what it's like to look someone in the eye, tell them you're going to kick their ass, and then do it

i can't tell you how many times i've walked into your room hoping you'd kiss me before i left.


i wish you'd quit the bullshit and just take a chance on me.

I always told my younger brother he had ADD because he was tested for it and ended up being gifted instead. Now I think it may be the other way around. I sit down to do work and nothing happens...

I saw you the other day and you were stunning, I can't help but wonder if you like men too...

I only pick on you because I like you so much.

You make me act like a pathetic 10 year old boy.

Things are starting to go down just like they did before...and this time, I'm trying to hold on tightly because there's no one else on the other side. I don't know if this is making it better or worse, and I'm afraid of making the same mistakes.

I'm jealous of my friends and their love lives. I really want to find someone. Where are you?

I feel inferior to most people. They get recognized for things and no one seems to see what I do. It makes me depressed most of the time.

Is it weird that I am proud this forum started on my birthday?

You want to be my friend way more than I want to be yours. It makes me feel fake.

I steal stuff from the dining halls... silverware, food, dishware.. becase if I am going to pay almost $10 a meal for crap I won't eat, you better damn well believe I am going to get my money's worth.

i love everything about carolina- it was my first choice... but when i visit my boyfriend at his ivy league school i cannot help but feel inferior and ashamed... i know his friends look down on me.

I wish you wasn't so freaking attracted to you. I know it isn't going anywhere but I can't get you off my mind.

i can't stop thinking about sex in church

I'm so ready to graduate, because I don't know how many more hopeful Saturday afternoons and disappointed Sunday mornings I can take.

had a vivid sex dream about you. was drunk when i had it. in real life and in the dream. you seduced me and i let it happen. it was amazing.


please don't ever let this happen. would not be healthy for our respective significant others.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/13/08

At least once a week, I get the urge to run away into the woods at night and start a new life.

um...I hope he knows I'm only attracted to him physically, and I don't really want to like him. Because that's just awkward. He does have a gorgeous smile, though.

I just can't seem to believe that you like me for what I am now. I feel fat and ugly. Even though you seem happy to tell everyone that I'm your girlfriend, I just don't believe it. I promise you I'll be perfect. I want to be perfect for you.

all they can talk about is how much we're going to miss each other, but I'm pretty sure I won't speak to my roommates again after graduation.

I prefer to be on top, not only because it feels better, but because his stomach doesn't stick out as much. I want to tell him to start working out and caring more about his body, but I don't want to hurt his feelings or make it seem that I'm being shallow. But honestly, it's going to ruin our sex life if he doesn't start...

I never understood the expression "my heart dropped into my stomach" until i saw you tonight on franklin street...

i can't STAND my roommate anymore. the pigsty that is our room, people refusing to clean anything and take trash out, it's disgusting. not to mention the friends that are ALWAYS here. but we somehow still do that sweet, 'pretend-to-like-each-other' thing.

i'm not sure i can make it last these last few weeks!

think I pretty much failed my first semester, but I don't have the nerve to tell my parents the truth. And every time I have to ask them for money for food, I feel even more guilty because I don't think I earned anything from them. What hurts most is knowing I failed myself, because in my mind, failure is never an option, punishable by death (unless you are a coward, like me, then it's just excessive brooding...)

I'm terrified that I'll turn out like my mother. She is an amazing woman, but she is trapped. And I never want to be trapped. Ever.

i'm annoyingly conscientious in public about recycling and turning off dripping taps to make up for the fact that i use obscene amounts of toilet paper and take hour-long showers in private

Comment here to submit a secret 4/12/08

Sometimes I feel as if no one really cares. As if I'm not attractive enough, good enough, smart enough, anything. I feel like if I looked better, I could feel more complete.

I know I'm not ugly, but I have huge self-esteem problems that I just can't get over.

Isn't that sad?

Even though I've been driving for over 5 years, changing lanes still terrifies me.

i only think about you when i'm not doing anything else. with the others, thoughts of them would overwhelm me completely and constantly.

i still think i like you though... maybe it's a quiet kind of attraction. or maybe you're just an easy fix for my boredom?

I do not know if I truly like you as much as I think that I do, or if I just reach out whenever I think you're drifting away. I don't like to lose. I've been playing this game with people's hearts for far too long.

I don't look like one of 'those girls' but sometimes I am. I like it.

I dont know if i trust my boyfriend

sometimes my boyfriend makes me feel stupid, ignorant, worthless, and whoreish.

he has no idea that he does it and would be devastated if i told him, but i feel so inadequate.

I'm glad I didn't kiss you last night.



(though a tiny little part of me wishes I had)

kind of wish you would ask me if that secret is mine, so I can finally be completely honest with you and stop trying to "protect" you. I know you read this.

It makes me so sad that she's so unhappy and I could make her so happy if only I had the nerve to ask her.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/11/08

Because I have chosen to wait to have sex, I’m afraid I won’t find someone or will eventually have to give in at the cost of hurting myself. I hate that I feel so alone with this decision.

I am the only white person in my close circle of friends. I love all of them, they're awesome people and I would never want to replace them...but I do wish I had more white friends. I kinda miss hanging out with people like me.

I've never had no strings attached sex but I want to so badly.

i'm late to class so much because i masturbate so much

I have an extreme phobia of wetting the bed. So after about 7, I don't drink anything, and I stay up really late to make sure I don't need to pee before I go to sleep.

I've been having way too many sex dreams recently. Maybe it's just that time of year. It's just awkward having a vivid sex dream about someone that you are friends with and then seeing them on campus or whatever

I made out with my roommate. We are pretending it never happened! I wonder how long that will last.

I only think about a new person because it's much less painful than thinking about the old one.

A man touched me and tried to kiss me on Franklin Street. Nobody took me seriously, so I tried to convince myself it was just a joke- it wasn't a joke.

Sometimes I want to just stop being friends with you because of the crappy way you treat me. But for some reason I still adore you in spite of everything you do.

I hate how much control you have over me.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/10/08

I'm being pursued by this girl in whom I am not interested but I'm okay with it because I feel like I'm the attractive guy in an independent romance movie that the girl likes at the beginning before meeting the quirky protagonist and learning a lesson about life and love.

Ever since I graduated and moved away, I feel like all my friends have forgotten about me. Especially you

we broke up after such a short time. I didn't love you when we were together, but I've fallen for you now that we're apart. I took a chance on the "Nice Guy," but it was ME who finished last.

I still think I see you on campus even though I know that you are not coming back. I see your car, I see you on campus, yet I realize that it is not you. Losing you left a major void in my life and I guess that only time can heal wounds. I stay strong in front of others, but sometimes I just cry and I cannot stop crying.

I'm not sure if it was rape, but I would rather believe you are a rapist than that I willingly lost my virginity to someone like you turned out to be.

You ruined so many songs for me that I had put on mix-tapes for you or were "our" songs. I can't even enjoy making fun of and singing along with boy bands anymore.

I'm not going to graduate in May. I don't know how to tell my parents. I can't afford to take summer school.

today i didn't get out of bed. i am a complete failure in everything i do. i act happy and crazy to everyone--really, involved in things, friends, i go out-- but the facade is getting too hard to keep up.

the depression meds aren't working, but i lie to my doctor and say they are because they make me lose weight.

As we continue to keep in touch, I wonder more and more what my life would be like now if I was at school with you...
I think we might be soulmates.

I really don't like you like that anymore...

I just want to make out with you before I graduate.

i'm going to take your drunken advice about just going for it.

i'm going to tell you i like you.

i hope that this is what you meant, and even if it isn't, thanks for helping me realize that i can.

I like you a lot. You're intelligent, beautiful, seductive. And yet, the only thing keeping me from being with you is what my friends think of you.

I'm sorry.

Could you please lie to me just once? Your honesty sometimes makes me want to throw up.

I think about my weight a lot...it's ridiculous how much I compare myself to other people.. I want to be perfect, to have that great body and be in shape..to lose those 10 pounds I've carried for a few years now. I hate myself, I'm self-destructive..and I over-eat.

Why do I want to defeat myself in terms of food?

My roommate watched porn and masturbated while I was pretending to sleep 5 feet away. It kind of turned me on...

Comment here to submit a secret 4/9/08

The thing I want most in the world is a complete do-over on my entire life. I can't shake the feeling that it's too late...for everything.

Sometimes it consumes my thoughts so intensely and for so long I miss out on what I'm supposed to be doing now. And that makes me wish I could go back even more. It's a vicious cycle I can't escape.

I've watched porn and masturbated while my roommate was asleep just 5ft away.

I let my suitemate take a shower before me this morning while I shaved, just so I could watch him get out.

The chlorine smell of a swimming pool turns me on.

I've always considered myself straight, but when I got on that elevator in Davis and saw that he was in there, I felt this attraction and desire I've never felt with women.

I DON'T think it was a mistake, and I don't regret it. Pretending it was doesn't erase what happened, it just makes you a liar, and makes me love you a little less. Which might be a good thing...

i drink so i dont have to deal with this shit



but the next morning, the rude awaking is anything but pretty



i just want a break from all of this

Comment here to submit a secret 4/8/08

I haven't done laundry in two weeks. If I smell next time you see me, it's not my B.O. it's my laziness...

I'm sorry I wasn't as helpful or as nice as I should've been. I love hanging out with you despite the fact that most of my friends don't like you very much. You are so much fun to be around.

I think I might be bisexual. How do I tell my girlfriend this? I still love her and am very much attracted to her.

i'm starting to worry that i don't know how to be truly happy anymore.

somebody help?

The more I've thought about it the less I believe you felt or feel bad about what happened. Your actions certainly didn't show it.

my friends always tell me they appreciate me being brutally honest with them.

i don't want their thanks, i just want them to return the favor.

I like it when my male friends flirt with me even though I have a boyfriend whom I love and I know my friends don't actually mean it.

It makes me believe I might actually be pretty or special or something.

I had no idea that a penis that large actually existed.

But apparently size doesn't matter.

My roommate is a gross slob and I fucking hate cleaning up after him.

I hate the fact that you like other men.

Cool as your girlfriend sounds, I'm a little disappointed she's coming here next year because it means I'll probably have to stop flirting with you.

I knew he was married, and after our affair was over, i felt zero guilt. Now, I met another amazing man....who is also married.

Y am I that woman? I know what im doing is wrong, and yet the fact that I feel no remorse, makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I feel like a bad person.

sometimes i look at my friends and just marvel at how pretentious they all are


and then i worry that i'm the same

it's not really a secret that i love you, but sometimes i think you wished it was.

I steal toilet paper from campus buildings to use at my apartment because I'm too cheap to buy my own.

if you came out, i think i would be brave enough to, too

I thought I was over you last semester. But I wasn't. I think about you all the time and I really don't want to because I really don't want a boyfriend right now. Why do you have to pester my thoughts?

Every once and a while I go to your facebook profile and look at your albums and cry.

It's still so hard.

sometimes... I just look around and smile.

i like a guy my friend seems to like, but because she hasn't actually said she likes him, i think i'll pretend i have no clue

I know this is horrible and it's the opposite of everything I've ever said to you, but, truth is: if we don't have sex soon, I'm moving on.

Worst part is that you actually are, amazingly, probably worth waiting for.

i hide the medicine i take from everyone in my life. i dont know how i will handle it when the truth comes out.

for the first time in YEARS--

i am CONFIDENT that i am HOT and AMAZING...and it's all because of you--thank you, for being the douche bag that you turned out to be, because it taught me more about myself than i ever could have learned on my own (and i am 100% serious)

I'm jealous of almost all of my friends. They all seem to have almost perfect lives going for them and I feel like mine is just a pile of shit in comparison.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/7/08

When I'm alone in the car, I hold conversations with you as if you're sitting next to me in the front seat. I haven't spoken to you in almost a year and try to deny that I've been in love with you for the last 6 years. Your girlfriend goes to UNC too.

I'm so fucking talented.
Most of you absolutely are not.
And I laugh at you.
All the time

I steal candy from convenience stores.

A lot.

I kind of wish I hadn't asked you to get rid of the nude pictures you took of me ... I might have liked to see how hot I actually was when I get old.

I have a huge crush on my ex boyfriend's best friend, who also happens to be one of my best friend's crush/prospective boyfriend...and I'm really tempted to just say "screw it" and try to pursue him anyway, even though it will mess everything up, because he's amazing.

I love him...really, more than anything or anyone I've ever loved. But it seems that all I can think of lately is being with someone else. Not a relationship, just the excitement of being with someone new.
The worst part is knowing that I wouldn't feel guilty if I did....what is wrong with me?

The only thing that I wouldn't sacrifice for you is also the only thing that would keep us together.

I'm going to check where I stand with you before we leave in 4 weeks. I guess this is a temporary secret, but I want to be sure I do it.

You'll never know all of my secrets. And I don't think you'd want to.

I've been such an idiot. How could I have fixated on him when you -- wonderful, amazing, handsome, funny, kind you -- have been right next to me this whole time? It's like discovering coffee or the Beatles for the first time.

I'm so frustrated with "the system".

I'm nearly nineteen and have never had a boyfriend nor have I even been kissed. Some people tell me I'm beautiful, but they must be lying. Sometimes (most of the time) I think there must be something wrong with me...

Comment here to submit a secret 4/6/08