Dear BFF,
You are kind of a bitch sometimes.
Love, BFF

When I ask you what "we" are, the one thing I want to hear is that you want to be with me in a serious way. You are right, of course, about not getting serious too fast, but I can't help myself around you.

Last night you really scared me when I said no to sex because you were too drunk, and you proceeded to hold me down and keep going. I almost panicked, but you let me go almost immediately, and I know you would never hurt me like that. It's just that I think you should know, that thing that you asked me about that I wouldn't admit to the other day, here it is: I was raped at 16. So please, please, please, be more careful next time, because it's too much for me.

It often scares me how attached to you I am already. When you are even just out of reach, I feel the urge to get closer to you. I want to kiss you constantly. I want to be with you all the way. I know it's pretty complicated right now, but I promise it won't be like this for much longer. 4 more months.

I saw you roll your eyes when I was upset and you thought I wasn't looking.

I have been listening to the new Taylor Swift CD nonstop. I like it because it reminds me of when I was more of an idealist.

I really am having a lot more fun ignoring you right now - now I know how you felt when you started ignoring me.

I will probably never be in a functional, lasting relationship,
because no matter how much my head may try to associate coupledom with happiness, security, support, love,
my heart associates it only with heartache and hurt,
and believes people can only be really happy and strong and safe and fully themselves
when they are alone.
I can't even really seem to be happy for my friends when they start going out.

Thanks, Mom and Dad.

I feel like Helen of bloody Troy for gay boys. They only talk to me when they want to get off, either by me coming over and having sex with them, or by talking dirty to them online.

I'M NOT INTERESTED. Try looking at other gay men as people rather than sex objects.

Sometimes I wish my ex would call me, just so I could have the pleasure of hanging up on him. I know revenge is a destructive feeling... but damn if that wouldn't feel good.

Jesus fuck you are a stupid, spiteful bitch. Thanks for reminding me why I could never really stand you.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 4/8/09