Friday, February 20, 2009

Someone in my family just passed away. I want to talk about life and death with someone but I can't do it without feeling horrible about myself, like I'm speaking in cliches and asking too much of the other person.
She says I'm all she ever wanted, but she keeps telling me I need to change, that I'm not doing things right, that I should act/do/be a different way...does she really love me, or am I just a safe place to be until a better catch comes along?
College boys infuriate me. I frequently think I would be better off dating women (I like both), but I'm afraid none of the cute bi/lesbian girls on campus would go out with me.
Ever since I got a glimpse at what you're really like, I knew you'd be watching my relationship, praying for it to fail, but you don't know anything about it, or him, so maybe stop before you find out something about us that'll really disappoint you.
I was so sure that I was right this time. And then all of a sudden, you made me feel like everything I had felt was completely unjustified, petty, and selfish. I can't believe that once again, you made me feel like I screwed up.
Why can't I stay mad at you??!
Today, i took the first steps towards accepting myself and being honest with you....and i'm finally starting to feel so free!
I wish I could find a girl who is dominant, adventurous, and intelligent. Unfortunately, all the girls I know who are like that are already my good friends.

Whenever I meet a girl, I almost immediately become the "good friend who also serves as a human shield from creepy guys," and thus lose my chance at anything more. It doesn't help that people always assume I'm gay. I just don't know how to talk to women.
i'm so fucking lonely. i just wish there were someone who cared about me and wanted to be with me so i wouldnt be crying alone on my couch right now. i wish i knew why i am crying and i wish i could stop.
I do love you and really want to be with you, but your "forever" and "the one for me" and "the best thing to ever happen to me" frankly scare me.

I'm sorry.