I had way too much food today and my stomach wasn't sitting well with it. I tried to make myself throw up, but it didn't work. I almost feel disappointed.

I first got into the sport I am in to hide the bruises my step dad gave me.

Now I continue to hide the ones you give me.

Dear amazingly adorable couple in the Daily Grind,

We've never spoken. I don't know who you are. But seeing you two together makes my day everytime I see you. You are so lost in each other and it helps me remember that love really does exist. I haven't seen you in a while, but I just want to say thank you, both of you, for giving the rest of us hope.

A few days ago, my cousin showed me how to perform perfect fellatio... on the gear shift lever in her BMW. It's probably one of the most useful things she's taught me. I just wish I had the chance to practice on something other than a car.