today i didn't get out of bed. i am a complete failure in everything i do. i act happy and crazy to everyone--really, involved in things, friends, i go out-- but the facade is getting too hard to keep up.

the depression meds aren't working, but i lie to my doctor and say they are because they make me lose weight.

As we continue to keep in touch, I wonder more and more what my life would be like now if I was at school with you...
I think we might be soulmates.

I really don't like you like that anymore...

I just want to make out with you before I graduate.

i'm going to take your drunken advice about just going for it.

i'm going to tell you i like you.

i hope that this is what you meant, and even if it isn't, thanks for helping me realize that i can.

I like you a lot. You're intelligent, beautiful, seductive. And yet, the only thing keeping me from being with you is what my friends think of you.

I'm sorry.

Could you please lie to me just once? Your honesty sometimes makes me want to throw up.

I think about my weight a lot...it's ridiculous how much I compare myself to other people.. I want to be perfect, to have that great body and be in shape..to lose those 10 pounds I've carried for a few years now. I hate myself, I'm self-destructive..and I over-eat.

Why do I want to defeat myself in terms of food?

My roommate watched porn and masturbated while I was pretending to sleep 5 feet away. It kind of turned me on...

Comment here to submit a secret 4/9/08

The thing I want most in the world is a complete do-over on my entire life. I can't shake the feeling that it's too late...for everything.

Sometimes it consumes my thoughts so intensely and for so long I miss out on what I'm supposed to be doing now. And that makes me wish I could go back even more. It's a vicious cycle I can't escape.

I've watched porn and masturbated while my roommate was asleep just 5ft away.

I let my suitemate take a shower before me this morning while I shaved, just so I could watch him get out.

The chlorine smell of a swimming pool turns me on.

I've always considered myself straight, but when I got on that elevator in Davis and saw that he was in there, I felt this attraction and desire I've never felt with women.

I DON'T think it was a mistake, and I don't regret it. Pretending it was doesn't erase what happened, it just makes you a liar, and makes me love you a little less. Which might be a good thing...

i drink so i dont have to deal with this shit



but the next morning, the rude awaking is anything but pretty



i just want a break from all of this

Comment here to submit a secret 4/8/08

I haven't done laundry in two weeks. If I smell next time you see me, it's not my B.O. it's my laziness...

I'm sorry I wasn't as helpful or as nice as I should've been. I love hanging out with you despite the fact that most of my friends don't like you very much. You are so much fun to be around.

I think I might be bisexual. How do I tell my girlfriend this? I still love her and am very much attracted to her.

i'm starting to worry that i don't know how to be truly happy anymore.

somebody help?

The more I've thought about it the less I believe you felt or feel bad about what happened. Your actions certainly didn't show it.

my friends always tell me they appreciate me being brutally honest with them.

i don't want their thanks, i just want them to return the favor.

I like it when my male friends flirt with me even though I have a boyfriend whom I love and I know my friends don't actually mean it.

It makes me believe I might actually be pretty or special or something.

I had no idea that a penis that large actually existed.

But apparently size doesn't matter.

My roommate is a gross slob and I fucking hate cleaning up after him.

I hate the fact that you like other men.

Cool as your girlfriend sounds, I'm a little disappointed she's coming here next year because it means I'll probably have to stop flirting with you.

I knew he was married, and after our affair was over, i felt zero guilt. Now, I met another amazing man....who is also married.

Y am I that woman? I know what im doing is wrong, and yet the fact that I feel no remorse, makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I feel like a bad person.

sometimes i look at my friends and just marvel at how pretentious they all are


and then i worry that i'm the same

it's not really a secret that i love you, but sometimes i think you wished it was.

I steal toilet paper from campus buildings to use at my apartment because I'm too cheap to buy my own.

if you came out, i think i would be brave enough to, too

I thought I was over you last semester. But I wasn't. I think about you all the time and I really don't want to because I really don't want a boyfriend right now. Why do you have to pester my thoughts?

Every once and a while I go to your facebook profile and look at your albums and cry.

It's still so hard.

sometimes... I just look around and smile.

i like a guy my friend seems to like, but because she hasn't actually said she likes him, i think i'll pretend i have no clue

I know this is horrible and it's the opposite of everything I've ever said to you, but, truth is: if we don't have sex soon, I'm moving on.

Worst part is that you actually are, amazingly, probably worth waiting for.

i hide the medicine i take from everyone in my life. i dont know how i will handle it when the truth comes out.

for the first time in YEARS--

i am CONFIDENT that i am HOT and AMAZING...and it's all because of you--thank you, for being the douche bag that you turned out to be, because it taught me more about myself than i ever could have learned on my own (and i am 100% serious)

I'm jealous of almost all of my friends. They all seem to have almost perfect lives going for them and I feel like mine is just a pile of shit in comparison.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/7/08

When I'm alone in the car, I hold conversations with you as if you're sitting next to me in the front seat. I haven't spoken to you in almost a year and try to deny that I've been in love with you for the last 6 years. Your girlfriend goes to UNC too.

I'm so fucking talented.
Most of you absolutely are not.
And I laugh at you.
All the time

I steal candy from convenience stores.

A lot.

I kind of wish I hadn't asked you to get rid of the nude pictures you took of me ... I might have liked to see how hot I actually was when I get old.

I have a huge crush on my ex boyfriend's best friend, who also happens to be one of my best friend's crush/prospective boyfriend...and I'm really tempted to just say "screw it" and try to pursue him anyway, even though it will mess everything up, because he's amazing.

I love him...really, more than anything or anyone I've ever loved. But it seems that all I can think of lately is being with someone else. Not a relationship, just the excitement of being with someone new.
The worst part is knowing that I wouldn't feel guilty if I did....what is wrong with me?

The only thing that I wouldn't sacrifice for you is also the only thing that would keep us together.

I'm going to check where I stand with you before we leave in 4 weeks. I guess this is a temporary secret, but I want to be sure I do it.

You'll never know all of my secrets. And I don't think you'd want to.

I've been such an idiot. How could I have fixated on him when you -- wonderful, amazing, handsome, funny, kind you -- have been right next to me this whole time? It's like discovering coffee or the Beatles for the first time.

I'm so frustrated with "the system".

I'm nearly nineteen and have never had a boyfriend nor have I even been kissed. Some people tell me I'm beautiful, but they must be lying. Sometimes (most of the time) I think there must be something wrong with me...

Comment here to submit a secret 4/6/08

Helping her with her eating disorder is finally giving me the strength to act on my own. But with me, no one even has a clue.

I feel really immature because I still cut even though I'm in college. I even think the scars are pretty. So much for being all grown up.

I feel better now that the secret is at the bottom of the page. It means I'm less tempted to go down and reread it...over and over again...and wonder if it's yours.

I'm so excited!!!!!!!! It's an incredible opportunity!

But at the same time, I'm bummed - because it will mean that I get to spend less time talking to you (if I get to talk to you at all) and I'm afraid that I'll come back, and you'll have forgotten about me and moved on.

i get a rush from flirting with my brother's friends, who are also seniors ... but in high school

I really believe that a makeover would cure most of my problems.

it hurts that someone i like so much has little to no clue who i am. and it sucks to find out someone else has felt that same way about me. because when they finally talked to me, i didn't feel the same way. so now i'll never talk to mine for fear that it will have the same result.

I wish I cared more about school and about life in general. I'm going down a prescribed life path, and I have no direction at all.

I just want you to notice me.

im not sure im still in love with you, but what hurts more than that is that i think youre still in love with her

I fucking hate your boyfriend. How could you possibly have chosen him over me? I understand all the other ones, but why him? Why are you two lasting so long?

I'm sorry I keep stringing you along, I'm just scared and don't know how else to deal with the fear. Hopefully I'll get over that soon...

Comment here to submit a secret 4/5/08

Even though we broke up, I still chose my job for next year in a city you love...

just in case.

I use coffee to ameliorate my loneliness. I don't add sugar or cream because I don't want to enjoy it.

I don't want to be addicted again. After all, managing to trade acid for coffee was a pretty good deal.

if you keep sending in secrets about how you're in love with your best friend, my best friend will think it's me writing them.

please keep sending them.

the reason i'm excited about this weekend isn't because of the final four games or the parties (blasphemous i know).

it's because i might get the chance to see you again.

I have this completely irrational phobia of paperwork. Tax forms, time sheets, even withdrawing money from the bank ... all the forms you need to fill out as an adult send me into blind, hyperventilating panic. So I don't do them. It just keeps getting worse.

Gosh darn it I LIKE YOU. And it's the friggin end of the semester. Go figure. This sucks.

I'm obsessed with putting the current state of my life into song lyrics. Here's one: "I need you so much closer."

I don't like people - they are really irritating. Being in a large crowd makes me agitated.

I check this site often. I've noticed a lot of loneliness, and this is sad, I wish I could tell you that I'm here for you and that we can grab some coffee and just talk it out. But know that you're never truly lonely. Or un-loved.

I always listen to all your problems and give you thoughtful advice. You, on the other hand, just stare at me and nod your head, then start talking about yourself again. I feel resentful and alone. You're supposed to be one of my best friends.

He makes me happy, no matter what's going on. We're comfortable and open with each other. He's turning into my best friend. I am in love with him. I think I've found my soul mate.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/4/08

my loneliness has morphed into desperation.

part of me wishes these posts weren't anonymous, so i could talk to the people who feel exactly the way i do, and maybe we could help each other.

but then again, if it weren't anonymous, i don't know if we could all be so honest.

I read this blog in the hope that one of the secrets will be about me...
but I know better. No one knows/cares about me.

I like flushing the toilet while I'm sitting on it - it's a nice breeze.

I think I'm addicted to secrets - not only other people's, but my own as well.

I can't make up my mind whether or not I want that secret to be yours. The constant questions in my head are like an addiction...and they're ripping me apart. Please be open with me!

i sit in class on my computer and do everything but pay attention. i just can't pay attention.

i'm failing my classes.

I had a sex dream last night about my two best girlfriends (I'm a girl) ... it was the best dream I've ever had ...

I can't blame you for not being attracted to me, but I can blame you for being attracted to someone like that.

But if you don't think you deserve someone better, why should I?

I wish I had fought for 'us' harder but I didn't know how to. I was just trying to do what you wanted and what was best. Now, I'm fucked.

I've completely lost interest in one of my close friends and think it might have something to do with the fact that she's gotten a lot less attractive.

am i not worth fighting for???

i really, really liked him.

and i found out that he was probably playing me. i still think he's a good guy.

after lecturing my friends for years on not letting guys treat them like crap, i understand the other side.

it sucks.

i'm so lonely

Of all the nights for you to not answer your phone...this was the worst one...I really need you right now.

It never fails...I can be having a horrible day, where nothing goes right and it seems the world is against me....but as soon as I hear her voice...the sun comes out again and I can't help but smile, and when I make her laugh, all is right with the world

we had such good "chemistry."

i'm waiting for you to follow up.

I love the conversations we've been having lately. If only we could talk that easily in person...

i had to see you suffer after he cheated on you and toyed with you about getting back together...

i had to watch you struggle to cope with life without him...

i had to watch as you started dating other guys, thinking i was going to lose you again...

but now we're together...

i still can't believe it happened...

but i've never been happier

Comment here to submit a secret 4/3/08