I'm still trying. But more than anything, I just want to give up, and I wish you all could let me go.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 5/18/09

I'm so in love with you, it's unreal. We've been friends for ages. Not the best of friends, but we've always shared the same passions and ideas and jokes. You were always away with her though, and I was always away with him. Now we are suddenly both single, in the same place, and one night, we saw each other differently. You made my heart race faster than any guy ever has before. You made me blush when you looked at me the next day, and everyone else said you blushed too as I turned away. What happened? How did it happen? I don't care. I just know it did happen, and now I'm the happiest person in the world!! You are so amazing, and you bring out so much in me. You make me want to do things that I never thought I could do. You're going to make me a better person, and I thank you already for just planting the ideas in my head. I can't wait to be home for summer, because you'll be there. I am counting down the days!
I love you so much, but I won't tell you just yet. :)

I'm starting to hate you. I can't believe it came to this.

The pills are making me apathetic to personal problems I used to obsess about. I love it. I've never felt more free.

God must be a sadist, to have sent something so wonderful into my life that I can absolutely never have. I need to grow up and stop breaking my heart against you.

I hope you think of me sometimes. That's what I want, to not be forgotten entirely. I think about you every day and I'd hate to think I'm in this alone.

I said someone else's name last night while we were having sex. I don't know if you noticed or not.

I'm falling for you. And I'm in the right mind to actually do something about it. I'm back, and it feels so good. I hope you're ready!

this entire year, i tried to make you love me. today, i decided to stop, and i have never felt more optimistic and happier about myself. i'll miss you though.

There is a song that I can't listen to anymore. Because one time, while it was playing, you looked into my eyes and I looked into yours...and the combination of the music's crescendo and your beautiful blue eyes, so happy to be looking at mine...I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and love. Then, a week later you decided that we can't see eachother.

I know how pathetic this will sound.

But I want a boyfriend. I am finally at a place where I can begin to trust guys, where are you all?

I don't want to be alone this summer in Chapel Hill.

Every time I think I've found one, I am let down horribly.

Every now and then I am seized by a feeling of complete and utter loneliness. It's horrifying to feel isolated in a room full of people - of friends. Yes, I'm naturally touchy and flirty, but sometimes I really just need someone else to be there. There's no hidden message behind it; I just don't want to deal with the void.

I only started flirting with you cause I wanted something from you but I can't tell a difference any more.

I thought about killing myself last week. I got a B on a major assignment, thought about my post-college plans being threatened by my mediocre GPA, and seriously, for the first time in my life, considered it for about 2 seconds.

I'm worried that if my relationship does eventually fail for good, it'll be sometime after next year when all my friends are gone.

I had a dream last night where he came and made love to me while I slept. It was so vivid. It brought back all kinds of things I wish I could forget about. When I woke up, I was terrified. I wish I'd dreamed about something else.

I love you. I always have. And I'm sorry if I overstep my bounds. It's unintentional, and I only do it because I care for you.

I'm tired. I'm more tired than I have ever been.

I say I don't care if you hook up with other people, but I know I would cry if I found out that you did. I know we're not "dating", but it's not because I wouldn't. Please don't hurt me.

Every time I read the secrets on this site, I always want to edit them for grammar and spelling.

I am a binge eater. Nobody knows-- not even my closest friends. I feel powerless to stop it. I want to stop hating myself. You may know me...I'm the girl who's smiling on the outside but crying on the inside.

We were in an English class together but we've never spoken. You used to bring a fresh pack of gum and chew through the entire contents in one sitting. You are strikingly beautiful yet painfully thin. Sometimes, when I'm wasting time on facebook, I come across your pictures and cannot help but notice you wasting away. More and more, I think my suspicions are correct. Do your friends notice? Are you seeking help? I just want you to know that I think about you and that I hope you're okay.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 4/27/09

I think I might just go to you. I know you keep saying to do what's best for me, but to be honest, you might be what's best for me.

Just found out I've been stabbed in the back for a while now by my "best friend". Great.

I am unhappy pretty much all the time, but I can't bring myself to go to a counselor or take antidepressants, because treating it as something chemical would somehow cheapen or discount the fact that what you did to me was hurtful. "Oh, it's not my fault she's sad, it's just something wrong with her."

I guess it's not possible to have a great relationship with your ex-. One I can't get along with, the other can't help but constantly and tactlessly slip into conversations that they're actively flirting and looking around....and they're the one who wanted to end our 'ship.

Can I just date someone, break up with them, and have it be A okay? Please?

I love you. I wish I could express the depth of this feeling, to convince you to trust me and take a chance with me. But it turns out, love is not all you need.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 4/21/09

I was the bigger person, and you were not. I'd like some credit now, please.

Why isn't anything good enough?

For some reason, I can't shake the feeling that you somehow enjoy seeing me fail or come up short.

I had way too much food today and my stomach wasn't sitting well with it. I tried to make myself throw up, but it didn't work. I almost feel disappointed.

I first got into the sport I am in to hide the bruises my step dad gave me.

Now I continue to hide the ones you give me.

Dear amazingly adorable couple in the Daily Grind,

We've never spoken. I don't know who you are. But seeing you two together makes my day everytime I see you. You are so lost in each other and it helps me remember that love really does exist. I haven't seen you in a while, but I just want to say thank you, both of you, for giving the rest of us hope.

A few days ago, my cousin showed me how to perform perfect fellatio... on the gear shift lever in her BMW. It's probably one of the most useful things she's taught me. I just wish I had the chance to practice on something other than a car.

I miss you when you're not around. I don't know if I have feelings for you or not, but I definitely know that I miss you when you're not around.

I have spurts where I truly don't care about being single. And then something random and seemingly meaningless happens and it hits me like a truck. I hate being lonely.

I really want to order or buy a vibrator, but I'm afraid I'll never get a chance to use it: what if my roommates hear it through the walls?

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 4/12/09

Occasionally, I see two people in a blissful and healthy relationship. Most of the time, I see people in much less than that. Honestly, those few good relationships give me hope to stop settling for less and that maybe one day I'll meet that person for me.

After this, I don't know if I can take anymore failure. I barely managed to hold myself together this week. And this has influenced everything: my friendships, my ability to do well at work and in class.
It's personal. I don't care what you, or anyone else says. I blame you, and I WILL hold this against you.

I hate running into you randomly. At one in the morning walking through campus, on Franklin Street after the celebration, just around campus in general...it throws me off guard. The worst part is that you don't even see me back. You are so fucking oblivious - live outside of your head for once.

I unexpectedly had a dream about finding myself waking up in a bed with you, both of us naked and quietly spooning and making love.

Seriously one of the best dreams I've ever had. Now break up with your boyfriend, best friend, and let me give it a shot.

Dear BFF,
You are kind of a bitch sometimes.
Love, BFF

When I ask you what "we" are, the one thing I want to hear is that you want to be with me in a serious way. You are right, of course, about not getting serious too fast, but I can't help myself around you.

Last night you really scared me when I said no to sex because you were too drunk, and you proceeded to hold me down and keep going. I almost panicked, but you let me go almost immediately, and I know you would never hurt me like that. It's just that I think you should know, that thing that you asked me about that I wouldn't admit to the other day, here it is: I was raped at 16. So please, please, please, be more careful next time, because it's too much for me.

It often scares me how attached to you I am already. When you are even just out of reach, I feel the urge to get closer to you. I want to kiss you constantly. I want to be with you all the way. I know it's pretty complicated right now, but I promise it won't be like this for much longer. 4 more months.

I saw you roll your eyes when I was upset and you thought I wasn't looking.

I have been listening to the new Taylor Swift CD nonstop. I like it because it reminds me of when I was more of an idealist.

I really am having a lot more fun ignoring you right now - now I know how you felt when you started ignoring me.

I will probably never be in a functional, lasting relationship,
because no matter how much my head may try to associate coupledom with happiness, security, support, love,
my heart associates it only with heartache and hurt,
and believes people can only be really happy and strong and safe and fully themselves
when they are alone.
I can't even really seem to be happy for my friends when they start going out.

Thanks, Mom and Dad.

I feel like Helen of bloody Troy for gay boys. They only talk to me when they want to get off, either by me coming over and having sex with them, or by talking dirty to them online.

I'M NOT INTERESTED. Try looking at other gay men as people rather than sex objects.

Sometimes I wish my ex would call me, just so I could have the pleasure of hanging up on him. I know revenge is a destructive feeling... but damn if that wouldn't feel good.

Jesus fuck you are a stupid, spiteful bitch. Thanks for reminding me why I could never really stand you.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 4/8/09

I think I'm supposed to be happy for you, because that's what friends do, but I'm not.

I want to be the center of your world. I want you to want to be with me and spend time with me.

More than anything I just want a friend who can also love me.

Last year I submitted my secret that I was a sophomore and had no friends here. I'm almost a junior. I still don't have any.

I can be myself around everyone but you.

I know it's entirely unintentional, but you make me unhappy. The next time I talk to you will be the last. Sorry.

I get nervous thinking about the possibility you're flirting with other guys, much less hooking up with them. I don't miss the relationship and the stresses of it.....but I do miss you.

Every day, I think about kissing you. I hope that when I do, it won't make everything more difficult. Problem is -- I know it will.

I masturbate before every big basketball game for good luck (it really does seem to work). I'm not a member of the team though. Just a girl.

I'm tired of overthinking everything. I'm going to let my heart take control of romance.

There's no time for doubt, confusion, or analysis. I want to fall in love, and when I do, I want to FEEL it.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 3/30/09

I officially gave up on you a while ago, but being honest, I'm still in love with you, and I won't back down.

I feel like everyone is leaving me. But maybe I'm just standing still.

I am sick and tired of being single. I've done it my entire life; I'm good at being single. Time to try something different.

Whenever I'm in my friends' rooms, I try to find a way to look at their jean sizes to see if mine are smaller.

I plan on marrying my best friend so he can get in state tuition.

But I secretly hope it works out.

I hope I did the right thing.

I am slowly but surely becoming the person I've always wanted to be--calm, disciplined, and even a little bit self-confident. It's exhilarating.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 3/24/09

I am so close to giving up. I'm honestly not sure how I get through the days.

I'm already falling in love with just the idea of 'us'.

I'm glad you've shed your insecurities and hesitations to embrace how happy we are when we're together.

I think I'm ready to put myself out there again. I want to try to find someone who will make me happy. Someone worth risking my heart for. But I don't want to tell my friends, and I can't figure out why.

I secretly love getting caught while I'm making out with someone!

I read an article that said that people who didn't fall in love when they were young were more likely to be in a successful relationship later. You supposedly have more realistic expectations because you aren't expecting it to be as intense as your first love. This doesn't comfort me, it makes me worry that I'll never have those irrational and head over heels feelings.

I just met the best most amazing girl. I haven't thought of anything but her since we met. I also just found out she lives with her girlfriend of over two years. Guess she really WAS too good to be real.

I met someone else. And they're great, they really are. But they don't compare. They don't even come close.

So I think I'm starting to understand: for you, I'm the one who can't compare.

It hurts, and I hate it. But I get it. And I'm sorry; I'd give the world if it meant you didn't have to miss someone else the way that I miss you.

I wish I wasn't such a boring person. Everyone else always seems to know what to say. I don't know if I'm bland or if being quiet is ok.

I've never done any real community service, or taken advantage of all the chances to help at UNC. That makes me feel horrible, and I am going to change it.

Just when things were getting good, you had to get all passive-aggressive on me. It really hurt. I'm hoping, for both of our sakes, I don't see or talk to you for a while. If we do, I hope you feel bitter. I don't want to feel that way, but the way you reacted towards me, I really can't help it.

I know I will probably have to speak to you again at some point, but here's the truth: I don't want to, and I'm going to avoid it where I can. At this point, I don't even know what I would say to you. I guess it's a pretty good thing that you don't want to talk to me, either.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 3/23/09

I've been talking to the most amazing guy, but a cruel twist of fate has probably ended any chance of a relationship. Sometimes it feels like Romeo and Juliet. Only we're not 14 and we're still alive.

I want a soulmate.

You asked me once if you'd ever hurt me. I laughed and told you no. I said I'd hurt myself and it wasn't your fault. It was the second time I've ever lied to you. Yes, you hurt me. We never had the type of relationship I wanted; we never kissed, never dated, never did anything beyond friendship. It wasn't like you cheated on me, but it hurt to see you throw yourself at every single guy you met except me. I'm glad I was never one of your meaningless hook-ups, we probably wouldn't be such great friends now if I had been, but I haven't been able to stop wondering what's wrong with me. You picked scumbags over me, and, yeah, that hurt.

My best friend doesn't believe I'm close to a mental breakdown because it doesn't seem that way to her. The truth is, she's the only person keeping it from happening.

I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. I didn't really want to be friends with you anymore anyway. It wasn't worth it.
p.s. you could have hit me if you wanted. I can take it... and I could take you

I'm not moving on or letting go, but simply accepting the fact that you can't and never will want to be more than friends. I hope to god its going to work this time, because I know I can't fall for you again and have my heart shattered one more time.

I thought I was doing so much better over spring break and thinking about you less and less.

It turns out it was just being in a different place. Everything about Chapel Hill reminds me of you. I miss being with you.

I don't fit in with my group of friends anymore. It seems like they only have mean things to say to me.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 3/16/09

NYC was supposed to be our spring break trip - you took it with her instead.

tonight I lost all faith in gay men... all of them.. I tried so hard to give you everything, give you a chance to show me that you of all people were not like the rest of them... I defended you in front of all of them, and you still let me down... I never want to date again because of you

I read FML way too much - numerous times a day - and I get disappointed when they haven't updated it. It makes me feel so much better about my life!

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 3/12/09