Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/3/09

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm only interested in him because I want to make you jealous.

I act distant to you because you are not my best friend, even if you think I am yours. I have many friends, I am sorry you don't, and I am sorry I don't feel as close to you as you want.

I keep imagining myself screaming. I can hear it in my head. Screaming in frustration, or actually screaming at other people. I'm worried that I might actually do it someday.

I yelled at you today. I never yelled at you when we were together, and I feel strangely vindicated. But what I said today is true -- you never took me seriously.

How can you pretend there was nothing between us? From the summer to last semester, you became someone I didn't know within a week. You felt it, I felt it, just admit it, instead of staring at me with those eyes every time we're around eachother.

Remember when pulled me away and said "You know what I'm most afraid of?...That when I finally realize I'm supposed to be with you, it will be too late."

I never forgot

Whenever we talk, it's always all about you. I told you about some huge problems in my life, and you haven't asked about them since. This just reinforces my view that being close to someone is pointless, people are transient, and I am wasting my time.

Every time I see a secret on here about a best friend sucking, I get scared that it's my best friend. Really, any time I see any secret that could even remotely be applied to me that expresses negative opinions about someone, I worry it's me. Then I try to correct whatever it is the secret complains about. I'm not sure if this process is making me a better person or just giving me low self-esteem with impossible goals for self-improvement.

I'm still not sure what I'm searching for...

I really hate football and the Super Bowl. I also hate the fact that if I don't pretend I have some slight interest in it, I wind up sitting alone all evening.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/2/09

You're my best friend, so why do you act distant half the time? Maybe if I had a penis things would be different.

I keep thinking that some Saturday night, I'll be out at a bar and I'll see you and we'll end up going home together.
Then I think how awesomely awkward it would be at our staff meeting the next evening - but it would be worth it, of course.

I like you, a lot. But I can only wait so long for you to figure out that the person you are waiting for to walk into your life, that vision of the perfect specimen of human being that is just your type, doesn't exist. I am the person that you should be with. And I can't promise you that when you do figure it out I will still be waiting.

you make me feel so naked, small, and vulnerable....

It's hard to believe I'm alone in a campus with so many people.

But I do.

Last year, when I finally decided you'd never like me back, I started dating someone else. I needed to move on. But a part of me never gave up on you.

This year, I found out you did like me, and since then, I haven't been able to get over the possibility of us being together. I love you, and I'd give you everything. I just wish you weren't so angry with me, because maybe then you'd believe me.

Work on your intuition. I am not, never have been, and never will be interested in you. For the past year I've avoided spending alone time with you and I've dodged your attempts to talk dirty with me. Yet somehow, this was not obvious enough for you.

I am sorry that our conversation was awkward, but I have done everything I could to ensure that you never broached the topic.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/31/09