My two best friends are people that I am in love with but can't date. One isn't single and I just know the other couldn't think of me that way. It is both a blessing and a curse - I have the people I admire the most at my side, but I tortured daily because I see the people I am in love with but know nothing will come of it.

It feels like it’s happening again.
I’m excited but I’m fucking scared too that I’ll be hurt again.
I’ve gotta find out soon though.

I hate that I read juicy campus everyday.

you looked SO cute today! I wanted to tell you so badly.

Today during class I mentally inventoried the objects on my person, figuring out how I could kill myself with each and every one.
pen.
credit card.
belt.
cell phone.
These are the first suicidal thoughts I have ever had.

Please don’t graduate and leave. I can’t tell you how much I will miss you. You have come to mean so much to me.

I really hope you do something awful so that I can have a good reason to break up with you before summer starts.

I can't help but wonder...if I left for a year, would you care? Would you even miss me? Would you look forward to my return?

I have a crush on my best friend and she doesn't like me in that way. She doesn't know that I am attracted to her because I'm afraid that if I tell her, she will never hang out with me again Now she's with someone. It gets way worse.... he's a douche bag. He is such a douche bag that he could be used to clear out Rosie O'Donnell's vagina. Sure I may be biased, but he IS so full of himself. If he were a nice guy, I would be sad, but I wouldn't be angry.

This sucks so much. I am either going to end up without a friend, or having to deal with this asshole and all the praise I hear about his greatness.
[...] I'm miserable.

I stare at everything. Clouds. Trees. People. Cars. Birds. Food. Everything. All I want to do is trade places with it all, so I don't have to deal with the suffering and frustration that comes with being me.

Why does everything have to involve Eve? I understand how we can't ignore it but it's still upsetting to see her name in the DTH and everything associated with her death. I don't want us to forget, I just don't think it should be a focus for everything. It's hard enough as it is without constant reminders.

I get sad every time I see a VW bug now because of our endless game of Punch Buggy. I think I ultimately won, but after losing you, I'd rather have taken a thousand punches on the arm.

Graduation is less than a month away, and I'm terrified to leave Carolina. Can someone PLEASE make time slow down? There's so much left I have to do...

I only brush my teeth once a day because I'm too drunk at night to remember.

I just want to be held.

I just can't do it anymore. It hurts every time we hang out and I know we will never be together. I wish you felt the same way I did.

Every time I slip up and tell you something personal about myself, I feel sick. It hurts knowing that trusting you is stupid.

I finally figured it out! I'm an attention-whore.... I need people to be interested in me...and STAY interested in me, in order for any kind of relationship to work. I have a hard time staying interested in people who don't care about me at all.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/16/08

I wish I had a plan, any plan, as to what I'm going to do with myself after this semester. I'm not even a senior, I'm a sophomore. But I'm having to leave here because I'm not good enough academically and I guess I never will be. Now I can't even get into community colleges because so many deadlines have passed. I hate having wasted my parents money going here, and I hate the feeling that I've disappointed them even more. Why didn't I just stay home and find another path to my dreams?

I am so afraid of going home for the summer. This is my home now. What if I come back and everyone is different? I don't want to have to start over. I love how everything is right now, in this moment.

I want to sleep with a professor just to say I did it. Too bad none of my professors are hot.

I think I might be falling for you all over again.

I only eat around other people. I've lost ten pounds so far, and I don't want other people realizing that I'm not eating, because I'm afraid that they'll make me eat more...

I don't like James Taylor.

So sue me.

I wish that one of my friends would discover all of my deepest, darkest secrets, so that I wouldn't have to ever work up the courage to tell them to anyone. That's why I put them all in writing.

i really love the girls in it, but i'm afraid my sorority is starting to define who i am...

i just want a fucking break. that's it. like one week where i don't have to be constantly reminded that i'm fucking failing everyone in my life

i cant study and i cant sleep
i'm going to fail again

i am sick to my stomach thinking about it...once again, i'm in the throes of another week of hell

Next time I go out of my way to help someone or make them feel better, I hope it's worth it...and if it's not going to be, I hope they tell me.

I have a weird bump/scar on the inside of my lower lip. I get nervous and start thinking about it obsessively and whether or not people can feel it/get grossed out if I'm in a situation where I might get kissed.

I'm sure you think that I'm scatterbrained and ditsy, but the truth is that I just can't concentrate when you're around. Of course, when you're not around, I'm distracted by thoughts of you anyway. My homework is taking a real hit. :)

When I cut you out of my life, I wasn't trying to play hard to get. I really just want you to leave me alone...

...not because I hate you, though, despite all the horrible things you did. It's because if I don't get away from you, I might not ever get over you.

I hate cigarettes but I think it's so fuckin' sexy when people blow the smoke out of their mouths.

That's yet another reason you're not right for me, but I can't help wanting you.

i care about everyone in my life so much. i wish they would show that they care about me too.

i'm planning the rest of my life out with you. you just don't know it yet.

You always say the right things. We're perfect together. We talk about our future all the time. Why is it that I'm waiting for you to mess up and break my heart?

I've been posting more comments to secrets on this site- because it was such a relief to know someone was with me when they commented on my own secret.

You are the best person I've ever met. When I'm with you I feel like my world is complete. There's no where else I'd rather be. When we're apart I feel like something is missing from my life. You're my best friend and you make me better. I wish I could tell you this in person. I know you don't feel the same but every night before bed I make a wish that one day you will.

We both know we've grown apart since then, and maybe I burned you before because I couldn't handle it. But now that I'm making a real effort at it, it feels like you don't care anymore. It makes me want to just drop it all again.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/15/08

I secretly hate UNC-CH. I'd rather be in Raleigh.

i really wish that you were scared of losing me, but honestly i think you believe i'll just wait forever.

and i'm afraid you might be right.

I always hated my job. The only reason I stayed there so long was to see you every day.

I text people just so they will respond. Every time it says "1 new message" I feel important.

I feel kinda bad for all you people who don't have a clue what to do when they graduate. But I know exactly what I'm doing and I can't wait to start!

I still can't figure out why you never cared.

I wake up ridiculously early on days that we have class together so I have more time to get ready.

I can't sleep unless I put up a secret before I go to bed - it's usually something that's been racking my head all day, but I can't tell anyone. If I don't put one up, I toss and turn for at least two hours thinking about it.

I'm getting tired of religion. I feel so fake.

why can't I ever say anything intelligent around you??? No wonder you don't seem interested.

I love you. But I don't know if I can be with you if you don't try. If you don't communicate. If you don't express that you feel the same way.

You seem undeserving. If you want me, show me. If not, I will have to leave you even after how much I have told you that I love you and want to make it work.

I go to the UL on days I feel pretty, just so I can be seen and admired.

I thought people made life-long friends in college. I've been here for years and I still don't consider anyone I've met here a true friend.

I thought I had a circle that I could trust, but I realized I couldn't after an incident last year. I guess asking for loyalty and acceptance is too much these days.

My feet are disgusting. I have about four hammer toes and countless blisters. It makes me feel so ugly.

It's not much of a secret that I really like you. And even though you have a girlfriend, I can feel your interest in me. Other people can see it. I don't know her, but I feel so sure that I could be good for you, maybe better.

If only.

Your Thoughts on the UNC-CH Secrets Project 2008

We've been getting some comments about the blog itself that we'd love to share, but they don't count as secrets proper. This post is set up so you can offer comments or suggestions regarding this project and the direction in which you'd like to see it move. As always, you can also contact us at uncchsecrets@gmail.com with your ideas.

We look forward to hearing from you.

The Moderators

Sometimes it feels like this site isn't real, like I'm the only one who knows about it and reads it. But then tonight I saw someone in a computer lab browsing it, and now I feel more even more connected to it.

I'm failing 2 of my classes this semester. One of them is crucial to my career.
I've never failed anything before in my life.

I frequently have the urge to run in front of a truck or bus on Airport Rd.

I didn't feel bad about cheating on my last ex as long as the people I hooked up with agreed not to tell.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/14/08

I want to know what it's like to look someone in the eye, tell them you're going to kick their ass, and then do it

i can't tell you how many times i've walked into your room hoping you'd kiss me before i left.


i wish you'd quit the bullshit and just take a chance on me.

I always told my younger brother he had ADD because he was tested for it and ended up being gifted instead. Now I think it may be the other way around. I sit down to do work and nothing happens...

I saw you the other day and you were stunning, I can't help but wonder if you like men too...

I only pick on you because I like you so much.

You make me act like a pathetic 10 year old boy.

Things are starting to go down just like they did before...and this time, I'm trying to hold on tightly because there's no one else on the other side. I don't know if this is making it better or worse, and I'm afraid of making the same mistakes.

I'm jealous of my friends and their love lives. I really want to find someone. Where are you?

I feel inferior to most people. They get recognized for things and no one seems to see what I do. It makes me depressed most of the time.

Is it weird that I am proud this forum started on my birthday?

You want to be my friend way more than I want to be yours. It makes me feel fake.

I steal stuff from the dining halls... silverware, food, dishware.. becase if I am going to pay almost $10 a meal for crap I won't eat, you better damn well believe I am going to get my money's worth.

i love everything about carolina- it was my first choice... but when i visit my boyfriend at his ivy league school i cannot help but feel inferior and ashamed... i know his friends look down on me.

I wish you wasn't so freaking attracted to you. I know it isn't going anywhere but I can't get you off my mind.

i can't stop thinking about sex in church

I'm so ready to graduate, because I don't know how many more hopeful Saturday afternoons and disappointed Sunday mornings I can take.

had a vivid sex dream about you. was drunk when i had it. in real life and in the dream. you seduced me and i let it happen. it was amazing.


please don't ever let this happen. would not be healthy for our respective significant others.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/13/08

At least once a week, I get the urge to run away into the woods at night and start a new life.

um...I hope he knows I'm only attracted to him physically, and I don't really want to like him. Because that's just awkward. He does have a gorgeous smile, though.

I just can't seem to believe that you like me for what I am now. I feel fat and ugly. Even though you seem happy to tell everyone that I'm your girlfriend, I just don't believe it. I promise you I'll be perfect. I want to be perfect for you.

all they can talk about is how much we're going to miss each other, but I'm pretty sure I won't speak to my roommates again after graduation.

I prefer to be on top, not only because it feels better, but because his stomach doesn't stick out as much. I want to tell him to start working out and caring more about his body, but I don't want to hurt his feelings or make it seem that I'm being shallow. But honestly, it's going to ruin our sex life if he doesn't start...

I never understood the expression "my heart dropped into my stomach" until i saw you tonight on franklin street...

i can't STAND my roommate anymore. the pigsty that is our room, people refusing to clean anything and take trash out, it's disgusting. not to mention the friends that are ALWAYS here. but we somehow still do that sweet, 'pretend-to-like-each-other' thing.

i'm not sure i can make it last these last few weeks!

think I pretty much failed my first semester, but I don't have the nerve to tell my parents the truth. And every time I have to ask them for money for food, I feel even more guilty because I don't think I earned anything from them. What hurts most is knowing I failed myself, because in my mind, failure is never an option, punishable by death (unless you are a coward, like me, then it's just excessive brooding...)

I'm terrified that I'll turn out like my mother. She is an amazing woman, but she is trapped. And I never want to be trapped. Ever.

i'm annoyingly conscientious in public about recycling and turning off dripping taps to make up for the fact that i use obscene amounts of toilet paper and take hour-long showers in private

Comment here to submit a secret 4/12/08

Sometimes I feel as if no one really cares. As if I'm not attractive enough, good enough, smart enough, anything. I feel like if I looked better, I could feel more complete.

I know I'm not ugly, but I have huge self-esteem problems that I just can't get over.

Isn't that sad?

Even though I've been driving for over 5 years, changing lanes still terrifies me.

i only think about you when i'm not doing anything else. with the others, thoughts of them would overwhelm me completely and constantly.

i still think i like you though... maybe it's a quiet kind of attraction. or maybe you're just an easy fix for my boredom?

I do not know if I truly like you as much as I think that I do, or if I just reach out whenever I think you're drifting away. I don't like to lose. I've been playing this game with people's hearts for far too long.

I don't look like one of 'those girls' but sometimes I am. I like it.

I dont know if i trust my boyfriend

sometimes my boyfriend makes me feel stupid, ignorant, worthless, and whoreish.

he has no idea that he does it and would be devastated if i told him, but i feel so inadequate.

I'm glad I didn't kiss you last night.



(though a tiny little part of me wishes I had)

kind of wish you would ask me if that secret is mine, so I can finally be completely honest with you and stop trying to "protect" you. I know you read this.

It makes me so sad that she's so unhappy and I could make her so happy if only I had the nerve to ask her.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/11/08