Saturday, March 29, 2008

i think i'm developing an eating disorder.

and no one is noticing the pounds that are melting off. it's pissing me off, and making me want to work that much harder at it.

i know it's wrong, but i'm so tired of being an average girl at a campus filled with pretty girls.
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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know that eating disorders sometimes seem unavoidable in a community with so many "ideal" types walking around. But please -- and I speak from experience -- realize that an eating disorder is like an addiction. The tolls it takes on your body and your brain, not to mention your happiness, are never worth it, and once you get into a pattern of starvation or purging, it will always seem like a viable option for dealing with what's wrong in your life.

Please consider talking to someone -- a friend, family member, a hotline, Counseling and Wellness services -- about this before it gets worse. And please don't worry about it being "wrong"; it isn't just you, and it isn't your fault.

March 29, 2008 at 1:25 PM
Anonymous said...

i understand and agree
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but i dont think i'm ready to stop, unfortunately. and i don't want to feel like this, but it is addictive--i love that each day i step onto the scale and it's that much lighter. i would like to stop, i would like my stomach to stop making noise, i'd like to throw my scale out of my dorm room, i'd like to stop trying and retrying on clothes to see if they fit differently, to stop pinching my arms, to keep lying to those around me, to stop comparing my legs, i'd love to not obsess over this...but above all, i just don't want to be fat
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i was never obese, i was never fat. i was just average. slightly chunky, kinda pretty face--you know, blend in, no attention either way, negative or positive. but the positive attention grows little by little with each pound-- it's like i'm trading in the pounds, along with my dignity, for approval and acceptance. and it f-ing sucks. at the same time, it's amazing. i have complete control over it. damn my other problems, i dont have to deal with them when i'm focusing on what i have or haven't eaten today.

March 29, 2008 at 2:12 PM
Anonymous said...

Yes, that is exactly how it feels. The positive attention is a rush, and the lows you get from depression and sheer hunger make it all the more valuable to you. Plus, I'm sure you know all of the cons of having an eating disorder, and you're discovering the unfortunate pros. But I can't stress enough how not-worth-it it is, and how much more difficult it is to stop once you start. The damage you inflict on your body can be permanent (I screwed up my heart).
Putting a name to what is going on with you is the first step to getting help, and you've done that. Don't think about it, just open up to someone you know will take the initiative to help you get better. You have so much more to offer than being thin, and this will stop you from doing just that.

March 31, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Anonymous said...

i too have done the same as you. one day i just got frustrated with life and decided to see how little i could eat. fortunately, i kept it up for only 2 weeks. but noticing the pounds melt away felt amazing. but after a while.. i realized it wasn't worth it. i guess it was just an experiment i tried on myself to see how far i could go without eating. and i realize im a much happier person when i eat. im not always obessesing. so i hope you can get over this as well. it just is not worth it.

March 31, 2008 at 11:36 PM
Anonymous said...

it's possible that they do notice but don't want to encourage it. ..

April 1, 2008 at 12:56 AM

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