i never thought i'd be rationalizing having sex with a guy on a break with his girlfriend. is he lying? how do i trust him? because i put myself in her shoes and i wanna punch myself in the face.

and i blame him. i blame him for taking my naivety. i blame him for taking my motivation to actually study this week. i blame him for almost getting me pregnant.

i don't wanna see him again. but i do. no i don't.

but i really do..