Comment here to submit a secret 4/29/08

I feel like I am ALWAYS acting...

I love it when it rains like it is right now - even though this weather puts me in a bad mood, it gives me something to blame everything on.

I'm getting fat and I can't stop myself....

i'm angry and trying to blame someone else, but it boils down to the fact that i fucked myself over. i feel so fucking stupid.

i feel empty inside, like i don't know who i am or what i like anymore. i feel like i haven't absorbed anything these past 4 years. i don't know what i am doing. i'm graduating in 2 weeks. fuck.

I'm so sorry. We were best friends. I think about you every day. I miss you. I hate myself everyday for something I don't understand. Were we not both to blame?

I'm a guy with an eating disorder. And it may seem immature, but I blame my friends who jokingly called me fat all those years, as well as all the girls who wouldn't even consider talking to me.

Well now I'm thin and everyone's getting what they want -- except me. I keep telling myself that it's ok to start eating again, but I can always find an excuse not to.

sometimes i just want to tell my suitemates to fuck off.

I absolutely HATE shaving my legs. Sometimes during the winter I'll go a couple weeks without doing it - it's a lot easier to get away with when you're wearing pants all the time.

Why the hell am I so shy and scared? It's ruining my life.

i don't mind going down on guys but i can't understand for the love of me why a guy would want to go down on a girl.

I told my dad that I have an eating disorder.

He didn't believe me, and told me that I am "smarter than that."

Thanks, dad.

i'm so afraid he'll hurt me, but i'm afraid to miss out on true love even more

I'm abroad this semester and I secretly wished that we wouldn't win the national championship so Tyler would come back and we could win when I'm back at Chapel Hill. So far...my wish is coming true :)

It feels really great to know that I'll be ok without you. I hope we can stay friends while we go our separate ways and you don't judge me when you find out how I made my realization.

i only feel sexy-or in touch with any part of my sexuality- when i'm drunk

I hate going to the gynecologist because I'm worried they'll find I have an STD or something.

You coming and going like this is killing me. You've sucked me in and you don't even know it yet.

The worst part is I'm afraid you never will.

i never really got any attention here for the first couple years i went here

lately i have, esecially when i go out. i know the guys are shallow (the ones hitting on me, at least) so i take pleasure on being a tease to them--they think they can get any girl they want and be an ass to any girl who they deem unworthy...well, not tonight at least!!

i used to be so against drunk driving (as i should be)
now , i dont know if i was stopped, if i would pass the breathalyzer test...it disgusts me, but i keep pushing it because i don't get caught

i have lots of friends here but i dont think ill miss a single one of them after i graduate! none of these friendships ever got as deep as i had wanted and i cant quite figure out why

one of the reasons why i think i never developed an eating disorder is because my mom always told me i was the right size. right now im very happy with my body, im not fat, im not skinny, im just me, and thats the way it should be.

i try really super hard to find an empty bathroom on campus so i can shit in solitude

i like the idea of those guys in the pit who give free hugs but im always scared to go hug them. but it makes me smile to see them there anyway.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/28/08

I don't think I'll get recognized for my work with my sorority because my office position is completely behind the scenes.

i pick my nose all the time

My hands-down, by far favorite part of spring is seeing girls show off their boobs. I hope my staring isn't obvious.

Someone in HJ doesn't know that I had sex on their desk before they moved in this year. Sorry!

On my last day of work, I stole three things I don't need and only kind of want, just to know I did.

sometimes, i'd rather get disrespectful comments about my boobs than nice ones about my brains

As much as I love Carolina in the spring and summer, I hate walking around on campus and seeing how every girl other than me looks like a perfect clone - perfect tans, size 2 sundresses, big sunglasses, blonde streaked hair, manicured toes, rainbow sandals...

It makes me feel so inadequate in my jeans and a t-shirt. Someone notice me too!

I've faked it every time, in hopes that one day you'll be able to give me an orgasm. It's not your fault - no guy has ever made me come.

i miss this so much.

All I want is a little recognition. I have worked my ass off all year, and no one seems to have even noticed!

For every girl that walks by, I mentally critique her outfit.

And then I judge her.

The other night, as you held me in your arms, I realized how much I actually love you. And it hurts so much because we're both leaving.


I truly believe that we met for a reason, and even if it wasn't meant to be, I am a better person for having known you.

I really want to have a random hookup in morrison. There are always so many people here but it never seems to happen for me.

i've always wondered...is having a penis as fun as it seems?

Tonight I'm finally going to say no to you. I hope I'm strong enough to stay by my decision.

I really want to show my boyfriend off because he's GORGEOUS.. and i don't feel bad about feeling this way because I have waited long enough for the right one. while everyone else settles with jerks who screw them over, i landed the best by waiting.

your new girlfriend looks like she has been rolling around in dirt for hours!!!

I have a huge penis and want to show other girls...I have a girlfriend though and won't do it cause I know she'd object.

sometimes on really pretty days when i see everyone laying out in the quad it makes me regret all those times that i went to the library instead. i got A's but rarely enjoyed the beauty of a day...

i only wash my hands if there is someone else in the bathroom who might judge me if i don't

75% of this school's attire makes them looks absolutely ridiculous.

i hate going out with my friends not because i hate drinking but because i hate my friends! i stopped going out because the only way to have fun was to get wasted and i didn't want to do that any more

i fucking hate people with perfect skin.

there is more to life than finding a significant other, getting drunk, watching tv, and posting facebook albums.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/27/08

I'm not busy. I'm not studying for exams. I'm not stressed. I just don't want you to know that I'm too much of a loser to go out.

I hate it how people nonchalantly talk or joke about cancer. I hate hearing the word. I hate seeing stuff about Relay for Life. I hate how all these made-for-tv movies about overcoming the bump in the road that is cancer. It's not just something you triumph through. It's not pink ribbons you put on your backpack. It's seeing a parent hovered over the toilet for weeks at a time. Watching the people you love most become vulnerable.

But I could never say this to anyone because it sounds like I'm a bitch. So I put up listening to all the commercials and fundraiser announcements, when all I want to do is forget.

I wish I wasn't only attracted to quiet girls. You know, the ones who I have the least chance of meeting out in public.

i'm so tired of pretending to be happy and listening to everyone else talk about their lives...when nobody asks me about mine.

I don't know the names of our basketball team.

I can't stop leaving lame emo away messages.

The next time you and your obnoxious, prick of a boyfriend make out, have sex, or talk while I'm trying to sleep, I might come over and throw up on the both of you.

I can't wait until I find a great guy to love and spend time with again...

although I secretly believe that guys just can't love as deeply as girls can. and that makes me so sad

i like you. a lot. but i pushed you away because i was embarrassed and self conscious. not that you're embarrassing i just am too concerned with what others think.

why do i have the unglamorous eating disorder? binge eating, lack of self control, shame, humility. i cant tell anyone about it because its simply so embarrassing.

i secretly wonder if he has had sex with other girls since me, and if he couldn't get it up with them either.

things are NOT normal. how can you act like things are normal when i'm still so hurt and angry?

i'm a political science major ..... and i hate politics!!! i'm not even registered to vote!

i write lil wayne lyrics on the cubicles in davis in bold black ink. we need a little witty distraction i think sometimes.

Now that we're speaking again, I'm suffering more each and every day because I can't hold you in my arms like I used to. I would give anything for you to lean on me and let me love you again.

I take music lessons and I haven't practiced all year. My teacher tells me how I'm obviously working hard...nope. I'm not.

You know how you've been nasty to me since the day you started dating him? Getting all snarky and acting like you're better than me, because you snagged the guy I wanted.

Guess what: he's been sleeping with me for the past year, months before he even met you. And you two have been dating since fall and haven't done more than kiss. You say it's because he recognizes what a respectable and decent woman you are. Really, it's because he finds you repulsive. But you're rich and eager to support his hobbies, so he'll play along for now. Guess what, I WIN.

most of the people i have met in my time at carolina really have turned out to be shitty people that are really uninteresting. where are all the good people hiding?

we dated less that 3 months... i took your virginity.... just want to let you know that you were really awful in bed and i tried really really hard to put up with it. i was always really confused cause you were such a hot guy. disappointing.

I'm breaking up with you.

I flooded the ticket lottery with entries for the Ohio State game last year. It worked, but they caught on to me after that game and it didn't work again after then. Sorry if I ruined it for anyone else who had that idea... but for that game, it was worth it.

I'm almost a junior and I'm a virgin. I don't want to be. If a random, decent-looking guy walked up to me and said 'let's do this', I would, no questions asked and no strings attached, just so I could get over the fear I have that I'll be terrible at sex once I do start having it.

i HATE going out because i'm SUPER lazy and don't want to fix my hair and i also LOVE waking up without hangovers.

I fake more than half of my orgasms with him, but the truth is, no one else could give me any... so I still think it's a sign.

The day you broke up with me, I was diagnosed with lymphoma. I didn't tell you, because even though I love you, and I want nothing more than to have you by my side, seeing me through chemo...I know you'd be doing it out of pity, and not love. I want you to come back of your own accord, because you love me...before it's too late. Please hurry.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/26/08

I hate how being in love is becoming not good enough. I want to fall in love again.



And I think your letter made me do just that. With the person I'm already in love with.

Thank you for giving me a new perspective.

You told me you were clinically depressed, and that I was the only person you trust. That was your secret; here's mine.

When you called to tell me this, I thought you were crying because you had found out I'm cheating on you again.

I keep hurting you deliberately. I'm so sorry. I love you. I don't know why I do it either.

I'm with someone new, but I still can't stop myself from acting like a total fool around you.

The counselor who molested me at summer camp requested to be facebook friends with me.
I confronted him 2 years after it happened and he laughed and said not to mention it.

I'm not just joking.

Sometimes, I do legitimately hate you.

I can't fucking take it anymore. Stop fucking canceling on me, find your fucking cell phone, charge the damn thing, and get a fucking day planner.

It's not that FUCKING hard.

When I told you you were the best and the biggest I've had, I was lying.
That guy you despise was bigger.
I've had random hookups that were better.

i thought i was going to get my first bi experience in college, but apparently not

It had been so long since I'd found a girl that excited me. Dating became boring real quick, I was interested in anyone I met, but kept looking because I knew I could be happy, in love, again. Now all I have to do is slow myself down, so that we become infatuated with each other. I found the ultimate gem!

He makes my HEART sing

im afraid to be vulnerable

Sometimes, when you look at me, I can tell that I'm still (and probably always will be) "the mistake."

I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me. But I'm afraid to tell her that I'm the heir to a multi-million dollar company.I don't want to tell her because I don't want the money to change things. But I don't think I can ask her to marry me without telling her.

Happy honeymoon. Did I mention I'm loaded?

Last week, the police interviewed the man that molested me going on a decade ago now. Apparently, he felt betrayed.

you are supposed to be my roommate and my best friend. all i can think about everyday is how i can't wait to move out and leave you forever. i think about it all the time, how much better next year is going to be. it can't come soon enough.

It was me that had my guy friend send you $25 of Bski's that "you" ordered. Get excited, there's more things to come.

You shouldn't have been so mean to me.

dear boy
I don't know you...but I seem to run into you everywhere, not just in our class together. What are you thinking about when we lock eyes in class? It is like a staring contest that I never win. People always tell me that I blush to easily. It saddens me that I will never know, but what is even more sad is that I never worked up the courage to ask your name.

--philosophically challenged

i just graduated and didnt have the best experience...it was tough and still is...i didn't know who i was (still don't), i hung out with the wrong people- bad influences...i got fucked up all the time, didnt join any service groups, now i work a job that i'm not sure i like, and i'm still fucking up

I don't hang out with you because I think your best friend is gorgeous (though he is). I hang out with you because you a cool and amazing person and I'm going to miss you once you graduate.

I don't think that they realize how much it hurts me just to know that they're talking about me behind my back.

It's not that I care for their opinion specifically...just that they never even tried to understand. And because of that, I'm not going to try to understand on their end either.

Comment here to submit a secret 4/25/08

All my friends are worried about the direction my life is going. I live from pay check to pay check, I'm failing all of my classes, and I have no plans for my future. They want me to be like them... I'm not... I'm happy... Unlike you! I lay in the grass and stare at the clouds, run in the rain and jump in puddles, walk down the beach and watch the sunset. I'm enjoying my life and we both know you can't say the same. My success is measured in happiness, not in dollar bills. Who should be worried about who?

I just read one of your old letters to me. I don't know why I did, it just confuses and saddens me more.