Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/4/09

I too can be a flirt but have the opposite problem, everyone assumes I like them. Once I ended up dating a guy I had no interest in. I felt bad that he assumed we were together and didnt want to live up to my heartbreaking reputation so convinced myself I kind of liked him.

I flirt with everyone, so when I'm actually flirting to get a guy's attention, no one takes me seriously.

I wish I could get a better read from you on how you feel about me.....

I'm glad we're done. You're heart was in the right place, but theres a boundary of give/take, and using me.

I'm scared to death of Valentine's Day because I know I'll just be in my dorm room alone again.

I'm starting to realize the real reason the spark went out between us. I just need to be single for a little while... because I never really have been. But you're amazing, and I think I want to be with you in the long run. I'm scared I'm throwing what we have away and I won't be able to get it back.

I bought "The Courage to Heal" and "The Sexual Healing Journey" over break. I'm scared that someone will find the books, but I'm more scared to read them. I want so badly to be over this--what ever that means--but am terrified of the process of getting there.

People who did not go to UNC and claim to be die-hard fans and know everything about UNC for some odd reason annoy the crap out of me.

You didn't get to spend 4 years at UNC and you don't know about all the experiences that make one UNC alum.

I know this is dumb but it really bugs me when a friend of mine who just moved to the area 2 years ago and had no prior knowledge of UNC acts as if she is the biggest fan and knows all about my undergrad experience.

All of our friends like my best friend more than they like me. It's not that she doesn't deserve to be well liked; she's one of my favorite people in the world. I just wish that the people I'm really close to didn't always end up being closer to her.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/3/09

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm only interested in him because I want to make you jealous.

I act distant to you because you are not my best friend, even if you think I am yours. I have many friends, I am sorry you don't, and I am sorry I don't feel as close to you as you want.

I keep imagining myself screaming. I can hear it in my head. Screaming in frustration, or actually screaming at other people. I'm worried that I might actually do it someday.

I yelled at you today. I never yelled at you when we were together, and I feel strangely vindicated. But what I said today is true -- you never took me seriously.

How can you pretend there was nothing between us? From the summer to last semester, you became someone I didn't know within a week. You felt it, I felt it, just admit it, instead of staring at me with those eyes every time we're around eachother.

Remember when pulled me away and said "You know what I'm most afraid of?...That when I finally realize I'm supposed to be with you, it will be too late."

I never forgot

Whenever we talk, it's always all about you. I told you about some huge problems in my life, and you haven't asked about them since. This just reinforces my view that being close to someone is pointless, people are transient, and I am wasting my time.

Every time I see a secret on here about a best friend sucking, I get scared that it's my best friend. Really, any time I see any secret that could even remotely be applied to me that expresses negative opinions about someone, I worry it's me. Then I try to correct whatever it is the secret complains about. I'm not sure if this process is making me a better person or just giving me low self-esteem with impossible goals for self-improvement.

I'm still not sure what I'm searching for...

I really hate football and the Super Bowl. I also hate the fact that if I don't pretend I have some slight interest in it, I wind up sitting alone all evening.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/2/09

You're my best friend, so why do you act distant half the time? Maybe if I had a penis things would be different.

I keep thinking that some Saturday night, I'll be out at a bar and I'll see you and we'll end up going home together.
Then I think how awesomely awkward it would be at our staff meeting the next evening - but it would be worth it, of course.

I like you, a lot. But I can only wait so long for you to figure out that the person you are waiting for to walk into your life, that vision of the perfect specimen of human being that is just your type, doesn't exist. I am the person that you should be with. And I can't promise you that when you do figure it out I will still be waiting.

you make me feel so naked, small, and vulnerable....

It's hard to believe I'm alone in a campus with so many people.

But I do.

Last year, when I finally decided you'd never like me back, I started dating someone else. I needed to move on. But a part of me never gave up on you.

This year, I found out you did like me, and since then, I haven't been able to get over the possibility of us being together. I love you, and I'd give you everything. I just wish you weren't so angry with me, because maybe then you'd believe me.

Work on your intuition. I am not, never have been, and never will be interested in you. For the past year I've avoided spending alone time with you and I've dodged your attempts to talk dirty with me. Yet somehow, this was not obvious enough for you.

I am sorry that our conversation was awkward, but I have done everything I could to ensure that you never broached the topic.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/31/09

i know we're friends, but I want to be more...

When I'm walking to class, I Play a game where I see how many people i can get to smile with my smile. I hope it makes someone's day better.

I read academic blogs every day waiting for a professor to complain about me.

I hate seeing you around campus. You just remind me of how stupid and nervous I acted when we were dating.

I'm not going to give up on you. I love you and miss you too much to do that.

I kept telling myself that I'd stay in it until you broke it off. It wasn't working, and I knew it, but I loved you so much that I left it up to you. And that's exactly what happened-- you broke it off. Now you're dating someone else and are under the impression that I'm fine: that we're friends.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/29/09

I need to stop being so mean to you. I'm just waiting for the day when you call me out on it and stop being my friend.

Until I know decisively if we have another chance or not, anyone I date is just a stand in, or a tryst. You're so far away, but I haven't given up. It's pathetic.

I freaked out a bit for several weeks after this blog was supposed to come back online and never did. I felt like I lost my connection to Carolina. I gave up after a few months and deleted the bookmark from my tabs.

Thank you for starting up again. This blog helps me get through each and every day knowing I'm not alone.

I remember nothing at all before last year. Sometimes I fear that I will completely forget my friends. So when you say "Do you remember that time in high school" ... no, I don't remember. I'm just lying when I smile and agree.

When I can't make everything all better for you, I feel like a failure, as a friend and as a person. I want everything to be perfect in your life, and somehow I feel like I should be able to give you that.

I won't date you because I'm sleeping with someone who's really good in bed.

I keep hoping, if I'm patient enough, that you'll want me again...but I don't know what my answer will be if that happens.

I don't care if it's the 21st century, that does not make it okay to make all dating communication through texts and facebook... pick up the fucking phone. K, thanks.

Dear Guys at Carolina,

I just want to tell you how fucking lucky you are. You should stop being assholes and date these hott, smart, awesome girls before you get into the real world and realize how lucky you actually were. Because honestly, you just don't have that much going for you.

I wish I had as much confidence as people think I do. I hate hiding my sexuality.

i'm worried i'll end up alone.

I still don't know what to do with all the time we used to spend gchatting.

The number of people that I can stand being around is quickly diminishing. I'm getting worried that I'll have no one to talk to in a few months.

A part of me wants to know how we can admit that we're in love with each other, yet we need to go back to "friend" mode because we just can't do the long-distance thing.

The other part of me knows exactly why and knows that it's the right decision. We can still talk, but it's not the same, and I know you feel just as horribly about the situation.

I am scared that no one will ever love me. All my friends have been getting engaged and I still haven't found anyone yet. Am I a bad friend for being depressed/slightly jealous when I go to my friend's bridal showers and when I see pictures of the happy couple? I feel horrible but it makes me wonder when my turn will come.

I fantasize about a friend in one of my classes. I don't know if there's tension between us or I have lost it completely.

I don't think the election for SBP matters. It is a popularity contest.

You are a great friend, but I am perceptive enough to know that you like me as more than friends. I can't admit that I know, because then we'd discuss it, and I would tell you that I'm just not interested. And, we would probably drift apart from the strain.

It's easier for me to just play dumb and dodge the subject, because I like the close friendship we have now, and I don't want it to change.

you are amazing and beautiful....i wish you could see it and let me in.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/27/09

i would give you THE WORLD if i could....and if you would let me.

most friends in the group i hang out with tell me their big secrets. i would never break their trust in a million years, but sometimes i think about the chaos i could cause.

None of my friends seems to need me in the way that I need them. It makes me feel like shit.

I'm trying so hard to make this situation better but neither of you care about me at all. If you did you would know that I've needed you more this year than ever before and you failed me as friends. I have to move on now. I'm sorry you won't be part of my life. I truly am sorry.

I know you broke up with me because it will never work out, but I still love you. A lot.

And yes, I'm sure there are prettier and smarter girls out there but I doubt there are any who will have the same spark with me that you have.

I can't stand my roommates right now. Everyone is either boyfriend or self-obsessed.

When you all are done being crazy pessimistic, bitches, you can come find me holed up far, far away from you all.

One of my friends is about to get really hurt, and it all depends on whether I tell one of them what the other told me.

I lied to you, but only because I know that you cannot deal with the truth. However, the more you inflate yourself and blame everything on me, the more I want to tell you what a complete ass you are.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/24/09

I don't know when I became such a hypochondriac, but it has completely consumed my life, not to mention driven away my friends, and even my family. I don't want to be paranoid all the time - I just can't help it.

Everything is falling apart. I feel so defeated.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/22/09

I'm really annoyed with all the religious speech-making on election day. I'm an atheist, I don't believe in god, and I resent that the US is being represented that way!

Today, January 20th, is the first day I've felt proud to be an American in over six years.

I got back from break and acted weird for personal reasons. Now I feel like all my friends hate me, or don't really want me around, even my best friend. I feel insecure and I don't know what to do. I can't say I blame them.

I've already decided that I won't leave a note. There are too many ways anything I say could be misinterpreted.

you don't know how much i want to call and make sure you're ok. just to hear your voice would make me feel much better. but i feel like that would hurt you more and i can't do that because it hurts me to think you're hurting.

I've never been to a frat party at Chapel Hill, not because I don't want to go to one, but because I've never been invited.

If they needed me to stop the rain from falling, I would try and find a way. But I feel like I pushed the people I love the most in this world away from me and it scares me. Because I feel like I deserve to be alone. That's the way it's been my whole life, why would it change now?

For 8 months, I thought I was having your baby. That is the real reason I never called you - I didn't want you to have anything else to worry about since you were already going through a difficult time.

Now, I wouldn't change anything about my life - except I wish that we were still close friends.

Sometimes, you bore the heck out of me. I don't even know why you thought you had a crush on me, because we're totally wrong for each other. You have no interest in partying. I don't want to be with people who don't have a healthy sense of adventure. I'm surprised you don't see the disconnect.

But whatever. You're not a bad person because of your choices. You just don't understand that we don't... fit. I'm sure you'll find a nice, quiet, conservative boy to make you happy. In the meantime, when we do hang out, please leave your superiority complex at home.

I know you'll probably never read this, but I am so worried I am going to become less and less important in your life. Logically I know that's probably not ever going to be true, but I am terrified it will happen. I just fear losing the people I care most about because I don't know what I'd do without them.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/18/09

I know you'll probably never read this, but I am so worried I am going to become less and less important in your life. Logically I know that's probably not ever going to be true, but I am terrified it will happen. I just fear losing the people I care most about because I don't know what I'd do without them.

You are TERRIBLE at your job, and I wish that other people would realize it.

I think Global Warming is a scam and is perpetuated by liberals, the media, and the environmental lobby. Not to start a political debate... but that's just what I think.

Your personality is amazing, and I've never met someone who actually listened to me like you do. I don't know whats wrong with me - but I'm just not physically attracted to you.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/17/09

The winter makes me lonely.

I unfriended my ex on Facebook because I can't stand looking at his new relationship status... and the picture of him with his new girlfriend.

I'm considering pretending to have plans of my own this weekend, just so you won't feel sorry for me anymore.

Having "casual sex" with you was exactly what I needed to get over my ex. Thanks.

I found a twenty-dollar bill lying on the ground while I was walking home alone at 1 a.m. on a Thursday night.

I would have traded it and a hundred more for friends who cared more about me not getting raped or mugged than they did about card games and that extra half hour with their significant others.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 1/16/09

I have no desire to travel. There, I said it. Take pictures of the world for me.

I worry that I'm losing my ambition. There's so much that I used to want to do, and now whenever I think about it, it doesn't seem as appealing anymore.

I can't stop you from loving her, but if I could... well, I wouldn't because I just imagine what it'd be like to be her. But I wish that you'd choose me.

I'm terrified of you breaking my heart.

Every post I read here that involves cheating makes me lose faith in humanity and to be able to find a girl that wouldn't do that to me.
It does not matter if you feel guilty or not, just don't do it.

I have never gone out on a date in CH.

I peed on a campus bush, once. Some gardeners saw and pointed at me. I waved back.

There are days when I really wish we could all make it blatantly obvious whether we're single or taken. That way I wouldn't have to wonder which of the cute guys in my English class to flirt with.

And that way they'd know to flirt with me.

Meeting your girlfriend just made me want you more.

From the time I get home to the time I got to sleep, the only thing I can think of is drinking. All I want to do is drink. Sometimes I do, and when I don't, I wish that I were drinking.

I saw my ex tonight, and while I may seem fine with seeing him, on the inside I was SCREAMING. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. Does he really not know how much it kills me that he has moved on?