Comment Here to Submit a Secret 3/5/09

Things that suck about my life:

-Try as I might, and despite being reaffirmed that I am a "Good Guy," I can't get a date.
-Try as I might, I can spend hours on an assignment and still fail it.
-My parents want to micromanage my life to the point where they know my grades before I do, because they check all of my UNC stuff (email, blackboard, etc)

Things about my life that don't suck
-My friends actually care about me, and they know how much I hate myself. Without them, I honestly don't know if I could wake up each day.

I hate that I am "fat" by media/celebrity standards. I weigh 130 pounds. I shouldn't feel bad about that.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 3/4/09

I am single, have a bitchy roommate, am still in the closet to my parents, worry that one of my good friends has a crush on me, haven't had sex in over six months, and have had three days of schoolwork and midterms pile up because I've been sick. I have a severe form of amnesia, and my best friend has been halfway across the world for the past year.

And yet I'm completely content with my life. When I read this website, I sometimes feel bad being happy when there are so many sad little secrets out there. But maybe I'm not the one with the problem.

I tolerate but secretly loathe it when people say "You're a girl, you can get a guy whenever you want to." If it was that easy, I wouldn't be alone my entire life.

This is a conversation I've put off with my parents for a long while...

"Hi mom, I have a boyfriend. I love him. Hi dad, I don't really want to be a surgeon. I don't really want to work with you in the operating room."

I want to sleep for days. I'm so tired that I can hardly stand it. From the moment that I wake up, the only thing I want to do is go back to sleep.

I felt like such a waste of space that I ended up screaming and crying in my car. You were the only person that I wanted to talk to, but you were the reason that I was crying. And I can't stand it anymore.

Last night, I drank two beers as fast as I could just so that I could get drunk and feel less shitty about myself. It worked for the first part -- the second one, not so much.

I wish you weren't so scared of trying to make this work. At the same time, I wish I would stop pushing it because I'm so afraid of losing you.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 3/2/09

I have waited for so long to hear those words….the same words I wanted to whisper to you every single night. And now that you said them, I am so lost. I am happy, sad, confused and so fucking scared. I keep telling myself I will finally get over you, and I can’t. And I convince myself you can’t love me, and then you make me think there just might be a possibility. And I’m lost. I’m lost just as much as you are. But…if you would let me, I would love you every single moment of my life.

I am so utterly broken...and NO ONE knows it. It hurts to much to go through this all alone.

An amazing friend just gave me Phase 1 tickets for the game and there isn't a single person who I want to bring who would take me if they won the tickets.

I always speculate as to whether or not my best friend from home would approve of potential love interests. If I don't think so, I tend to shy away.

I'm not afraid to leave UNC because I'm scared of the real world, but because I'm afraid I'll stop learning and stagnate.

Sometimes I worry about how far I'd be willing to go for an A. That would test my ethics most at this point in my life.

So does sex last night mean we are going to stop speaking as much? I know it wasn't the best or anything, but I'm willing if you are to chalk it up to it being the first time and thus a little awkward. Either way, I take it personally when you don't talk to me all day, even though I called and texted you.

I miss you too, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get over you again.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/25/09

I can feel myself turning into a different person. I'm not sure if I like that person or not. I'm just worried that I'm making my friends angry. But at the same time... I figure that if they really care, they'll accept me. If not, I'm better without them. I hope.

I think I'm slipping into depression...again.

I miss you more than you can imagine... and way more than I should.

I am currently being diagnosed, for alas, something has suddenly gone wrong with my brain. I liked who I was before all this started, and I'm readjusting. But I am ruining many a relationship along the way. Innocents are getting wrapped up in my shit, and I'm sorry. I am sorry.

My boyfriend loves me and I think I can't love him back now. I'm going to have to lose him because of all this. And he's the best person I've been with so far. We have been best friends for a year. I miss that. I am going to crush him. I'm sorry for that too.

i find you fascinating, but shouldn't even think about you. i'm practically engaged. when i'm not with you, i think about you. when i am with you, i think about how it would be to touch you...i'm so torn.

It'd be so cool if a girl asked me out for once.

I have a year and 2 months left to tell my best girl friend that I'm in love with her. Wish me luck.

I've never been this scared in my life. Everything just happened at once and I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Nobody is making me feel better either....they say things aren't that bad but I don't believe them. I'm smoking weed to just calm down.....I hope it doesn't become habitual.

every time I like a guy, he meets my room mate and likes her more. I end up being the middle man to try to get them together...

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/22/09

Someone in my family just passed away. I want to talk about life and death with someone but I can't do it without feeling horrible about myself, like I'm speaking in cliches and asking too much of the other person.

She says I'm all she ever wanted, but she keeps telling me I need to change, that I'm not doing things right, that I should act/do/be a different way...does she really love me, or am I just a safe place to be until a better catch comes along?

College boys infuriate me. I frequently think I would be better off dating women (I like both), but I'm afraid none of the cute bi/lesbian girls on campus would go out with me.

Ever since I got a glimpse at what you're really like, I knew you'd be watching my relationship, praying for it to fail, but you don't know anything about it, or him, so maybe stop before you find out something about us that'll really disappoint you.

I was so sure that I was right this time. And then all of a sudden, you made me feel like everything I had felt was completely unjustified, petty, and selfish. I can't believe that once again, you made me feel like I screwed up.

Why can't I stay mad at you??!

Today, i took the first steps towards accepting myself and being honest with you....and i'm finally starting to feel so free!

I wish I could find a girl who is dominant, adventurous, and intelligent. Unfortunately, all the girls I know who are like that are already my good friends.

Whenever I meet a girl, I almost immediately become the "good friend who also serves as a human shield from creepy guys," and thus lose my chance at anything more. It doesn't help that people always assume I'm gay. I just don't know how to talk to women.

i'm so fucking lonely. i just wish there were someone who cared about me and wanted to be with me so i wouldnt be crying alone on my couch right now. i wish i knew why i am crying and i wish i could stop.

I do love you and really want to be with you, but your "forever" and "the one for me" and "the best thing to ever happen to me" frankly scare me.

I'm sorry.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/19/09

Ironically, I am actually over you. It's funny though how you're falling into the exact same patterns that you had with me with your current guy but think there's a difference. I can't wait to laugh when it falls apart, and I don't care if it's bitter and "unhealthy" to still resent you.

My best friend uses me so much, and every time I feel that I've reached my breaking point, something draws me back into it. I just don't know when I'll be able to say stop.

Sometimes I wish that I would develop an eating disorder. Then sometimes I'm scared that I already have.

Bitches, grow a pair and tell me what the hell is going on. This isn't fucking middle school anymore.

I know that you don't want to do long distance, and to be honest, I don't either. But really! Look at what we're doing. I talk to you every day, I tell you everything, you know everything about me, I know that you love me and that I love you! So what if I haven't seen you in over a year. I'm yours, and you know it. Now just let me say that I love you!

Sometimes I just want to stop trying in school. Not hand in my mid-terms. Say "screw you, I have better things to do than write that paper. Like sleeping." But alas, and back to paper writing.

I wish that I could tell you how utterly disappointed in you I am at this moment. But, because I care so much about you, I probably will sugar coat it and pretend that what you just did didn't make cry.

I plan on having a high-powered career, but secretly dream of helping my future kids get ready for their school dances, and having a beautiful home that everyone wants to be in.

I wish I could get in a relationship, for once.

I don't know whether or not "The Jasmine Consensus" was actually a well-intentioned political pursuit, or just a bunch of people being really vindictive.

I never really learned how to make friends, so now I don't have any. I'm afraid I'll be alone all my life.

I really don't like you at all. You're so selfish and you're thought process is incredibly warped if you think this is "awesome". I used to try to like you, because I thought you deserved it, but you don't and I can't get it through to you that you are a terrible person, short of telling you. But I'm scared if I do tell you, you'll just be upset and you'll never get over it. What do I do? Suffer in silence and painfully make conversation while avoiding your gaze, just so you don't cry, or tell you to leave me alone so I can live my life without you, but with the guilt of making you feel terrible about yourself. Now, it's at the point where I wish I'd just never met you, or at least you'd just take a hint and leave me be. Hey, I guess I can take comfort in the knowledge that soon enough, I'll never ever have to see you again.

i accidentally discovered your secret fetish, now i wish you'd open up to me about it so i could try it already

I read a lot of secrets on here about catching someone looking at someone else, but I know when I catch you looking at me, it's because you're hoping I don't want you for anything more than the sex, you're hoping I still want you for the sex, and you're hoping I won't tell anyone about any of it.

At least that's what I'm hoping.

Last night when you started snoring and faced the other way and I knew you were really asleep, I was big spoon like always, and I whispered "I love you". I dont know if it's true or not, but I think I will just keep whispering it until I feel like you would hold eye contact with me after I said it out loud.

dear roommate,
every time you piss me off, I eat some of your food. So next time you wonder where those chips went, it's because it never occurred once to you to invite me to that basketball game. (really? didn't we used to be friends? oh well...)

When I sing along to Britney's "Womanizer," I picture myself singing it to you. Maybe that's unfair of me. But it's just who you are, baby...

I know I broke your heart before and that I'm probably going to do it again this time....I just really want to give this a try (legitimately)....there's so much I like about you.

I have a boyfriend, and we have talked about how impossible it would be for me to break it off. Still, you are on my mind basically all the time, especially after Friday and how amazing it felt to be with you like that, even just for the two hours we had.

I did it partly out of altruism, out of the idea of giving love and expecting nothing in return. And it was a nice feeling. But I also did it to impress you. please come to my room tomorrow so that I might give you the rose I intended for you. Because if I am ever happy, if my life is at all good now, it is because of you, and once you're out of my life I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

I hate myself. I'll never be loved.

I am beginning to realize that all the time and money I have spent on drinking was a total waste of my life

I know we broke up, but I kind of just want to spend Valentine's Day with you. But I also know that would be really bad for both of us after the fact.

I met this guy, but he's 6 years older than me! I'm afraid hes told old for me and will pressure me...

I know we broke up, but I kind of just want to spend Valentine's Day with you. But I also know that would be really bad for both of us after the fact.

You genuinely hurt my feelings last night. I didn't know you disliked me so much. I don't know if I should have fired off a come back or talked to you about it.

i think about what it would be like to have sex with you all the time

You're the last one that I want to speak to when I go to sleep, and the first one I want to hear when I wake up. I love you.

Now choose me.

My tampon was bothering me this afternoon. No wonder -- when I went to deal with it, turns out I had two (super plus) tampons in. What the hell, vagina? I feel like that shouldn't even be possible for a virgin.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/13/09

I'm beginning to realize that I can do a lot better than you, and all that stuff you did to me wasn't worth the time i spent crying over it. I have never felt so free or so happy.

I'm more lonely than I've ever been. It's scary.

I feel like i am always there for my friends. But when it's my turn, no one is there for me.

I never thought I would miss my hometown very much after I left. But today, all I want to do is go back. There's something about the air outside. And if I close my eyes, I can see myself there again. I wish I could go home.

Once, last year, I got drunk alone in my dorm room. I couldn't sleep and was feeling depressed and it was there so I did it. I don't think I'd do it again, but I can't forget it happened.

Everyone I meet has a girlfriend. I have at least three couples on waiting to break up standby, and they never do. It's depressing.

Sometimes I don't know the difference between being idealistic and delusional. That scares me a lot.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/11/09

From the Moderators

Dear Loyal Readers,

We appreciate all of the secrets that you have trusted to our site. We would encourage you to re-read the "How It Works," "The Idea," and "Warning Label" on the side of the page to refresh our collective memories as to what the goals of this site are.

Let us try to remain supportive and keep within the spirit of PostSecret.

Thanks so much,
The Moderators.

When I liked someone else, I wrote a few songs, as I like to do, and they were mediocre at best. Since meeting, and falling in love with you, I can't remember the last day I didn't work on at least one song about you, and these songs are much better. Thank you for being my muse, and I intend to tell you what you mean to me on saturday. Love You.

I think it's ironic that girls bitch about guys liking more "feminine" girls who actually show a certain level of needing the guy in their life, and how some guys don't find it attractive when girls try so hard to be so hard-nosed independent from anyone(like, straight-up feminist).

But when a guy isn't a prick and he isn't macho, and doesn't drink and party and can actually speak in coherent sentences, and if he shows the slightest inclination of perhaps wanting you around, suddenly he's a "nice guy" who you're just friends with, even though he's the one who's most likely to take a bullet for you, and still keep alive long enough to make sure you've gotten away.

At the end of the day I'm all about abstinence, but there are so many times where I seriously just want to go out and make a girl's wildest fantasies come true, and have the satisfaction of knowing I did.

I've looked back and realized (and have been told) that the vast majority of my female friends were pretty into me. It's rather interesting to know, and yet even so, I still struggle to believe that it's possible.

I still want you. I wish I didn't. Every time I think about it, I feel a little sick inside.

Sometimes I wish I could just sleep with other people. My friend does it so casually, and I'm so horny! I just can't do that, though. I need to really know and trust the person. Dammit.

I hate asking my roommate for money, but she totally owes me $50.

Suddenly, despite all of the shit, I find myself missing you. I don't want you back... I just want someone to talk to, and I miss what we had.

I've ignored other secrets you've let slip lately, but this time it's tougher for me to do that. I just don't understand why you thought it was okay to tell someone else something like that.

I'm not going to get on your case about it, though. I love you and I know you mean well.

When you came out to me, you talked about how scared you've been your entire life and you said I couldn't understand how much it hurts not to be able to be who you are inside.
You were wrong.

I still have trouble believing he is as "completely in love with me" as he claims. My secret problems like this are secretly destroying our relationship and I hope I can fix my inhibitions before its too late because I at least know I want both of us to feel that way, and I think we do.

I'm working out, dieting and losing weight the right way. I feel great! I haven't nearly reached my goals yet, but I know I'm on the way. One of them is to be in a lot better shape than when we dated, and who you currently do. Thanks for that extra edge of motivation!

I don't care about the student body president race. I just don't. I hate it when you come to my dorm room (Didn't housing prohibit this?), I hate it when you bother me as I try to go to Lenoir, and I even ripped my jacket on one of the A-frames in the pit this weekend. I'm voting for Hallie Lipsey.

Comment Here to Submit a Secret 2/9/09

While I recognize that I have a ton of time left and that I'm probably at least somewhere around average-looking, I worry every day that I'll die a virgin.

My friend just asked me for my leftover painkillers to sell so that they could make ends meet, giving me some of the profit. Part of me finds it despicable, and part of me could really use the extra cash.

Ever since I was raped, I have stopped caring about who I have sex with. I'm secretly hoping that one will realize I am the girl they have been hoping to find and that they will love me.

I hate how cynical I've become toward men in college.

it broke my heart, too